[QUOTE=fachverwirrt]
What’s the difference between a soprano and a seamstress?
A seamstress tucks and frills.
[/QUOTE]
OK, that one nearly made me snort red wine out my nose. It would not have been pretty.
A joke my son thought up when he was 11:
How do German composers make decisions?
They draw Strauss.
And on another note:
An orchestra conductor has a hugely important concert coming up, and three days before the big event, the principal trumpet player is in a car accident and will be out for weeks. The conductor is desperate to find another trumpet player, and someone recommends to him a jazz trumpeter.
The conductor says, “Over my dead body!” But he can’t find anyone else so he hires the jazz trumpeter, who proceeds to show up on time, well-prepared for every rehearsal, and plays beautifully and attentively.
On the eve of the big concert, the conductor approaches the trumpeter to apologize. "You’re a real asset to the orchestra. I harbored all sorts of narrow-minded prejudices about jazz musicians before I hired you. Your professionalism and musicianship have awed me. "
The trumpeter replies, “Hey, it’s the least I could do for you since I have a gig tomorrow night.”
Two drums and a cymbal go over a cliff.
Ba-dum tsh!
Q: One sees the conductor and the viola section walking across the road. Whom do you run over first?
A: The conductor. Business before pleasure.
The trombonist for a band hired to play a Christmas party doesn’t show up for the gig. The bandleader calls all over town and finally finds a substitute at the last minute. The substitute trombonist is phenomenal. He blows them all away with his incredible performance. After the gig, the bandleader says to the trombonist, “Man, you were fantastic. Could you come back and play with us at next year’s Christmas party?”. The trombonist replies, “Sure. Is there somewhere here that I can leave my trombone until then?”
[QUOTE=freckafree]
The trumpeter replies, “Hey, it’s the least I could do for you since I have a gig tomorrow night.”
[/QUOTE]
I don’t get it. He rewards the conductor because he has another gig tomorrow?
[QUOTE=Cardinal]
I don’t get it. He rewards the conductor because he has another gig tomorrow?
[/QUOTE]
The trumpeter was playing especially professionally for the conductor to make up for the fact that he’s not going to be at the concert because he has a gig at the same time.
[QUOTE=Cardinal]
I don’t get it. He rewards the conductor because he has another gig tomorrow?
[/QUOTE]
Musicians, particularly jazz and rock musicians, are not known for reliability. The joke says that this conversation happened on the *eve * of the concert. So the trumpet player was saying, “Hey man, it’s the least I could do since I’m going to blow off your concert to go to a different gig tomorrow.”
What is the secret chord of David?
Gsus
[QUOTE=r2xman]
“Sure. Is there somewhere here that I can leave my trombone until then?”
[/QUOTE]
::Raises hand:: My turn, I don’t get it.
Great thread BTW.
[QUOTE=Chronos]
So, a band gets music for a new piece, and it’s in 7/8 time. None of them have ever encountered 7/8 before, and they’re trying to figure out how the rhythm is supposed to go. Finally, the drummer exclaims “I’ve got it! It’s one-two-three-four-five-six-se-ven.”.
[/QUOTE]
Oh fer cry-yi! I came in here just to post this one! :smack:
My all time favorite involves the relatively uncommon yet much maligned bass saxophone:
Q. What’s the difference between a bass saxophone and a garbage truck?
A. One is a big, heavy, noisy, roaring, rattling hunk of junk.
The other is a motor vehicle used for trash collection.
[QUOTE=Don’t fight the hypothetical]
::Raises hand:: My turn, I don’t get it.
Great thread BTW.
[/QUOTE]
I would presume that the trombonist wants to know if there’s some place he can leave his trombone because he doesn’t expect to have to use it until he plays for them next Christmas.
Why do drummers leave their sticks on the dashboard?
So they can park in the disabled spaces.
[QUOTE=fachverwirrt]
And one for the theory geeks:
Heinrich Schenker dies and goes to Hell. He meets Satan at the gates: the Devil exclaims “Maestro! So good to have you here! We’ve been looking forward to your arrival. We have a room prepared for you.” Schenker follows Satan down the hall until they come to a door with “Schenker” on the name plate. Satan ushers Schenker in.
Inside the room is a full symphony orchestra, populated by the greatest players of all time. Paganini, Heifetz, they’re all there. The Devil gestures to the podium and says, “your task for eternity is to conduct this orchestra in this piece.” Laying open on the stand is Beethoven’s 9th. “Well,” thinks Schenker, “this isn’t so bad. I thought Hell was supposed to be pain and suffering.” He walks up to the podium, raises his baton, and gives his downbeat. The orchestra plays…
Mi, Re, Do.
[/QUOTE]
I must be more of a music theory geek than most, but I don’t get this - does it require some knowledge of Schenker or the opening bars of Beethoven’s 9th?
[QUOTE=Dead Cat]
I must be more of a music theory geek than most, but I don’t get this - does it require some knowledge of Schenker or the opening bars of Beethoven’s 9th?
[/QUOTE]
If you are a music theorist conducting the opening bars of one of the greatest works ever, the 9th (Da Da Da DAAAAAH), then hearing the opening notes of Three Blind Mice (Mi Re Do) instead would be a bit of a shock, eh?
Unless there is some other interpretation, I don’t think it’s all that funny, but what do I know, I’m just an out of work musician. 
[QUOTE=Musicat]
If you are a music theorist conducting the opening bars of one of the greatest works ever, the 9th (Da Da Da DAAAAAH)
[/QUOTE]
Isn’t Da Da Da Daaaaah the opening of the 5th?
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug]
My all time favorite involves the relatively uncommon yet much maligned bass saxophone:
Q. What’s the difference between a bass saxophone and a garbage truck?
A. One is a big, heavy, noisy, roaring, rattling hunk of junk.
The other is a motor vehicle used for trash collection.
[/QUOTE]
As a former bari sax player, I certainly appreciate this one…
[QUOTE=jayjay]
Isn’t Da Da Da Daaaaah the opening of the 5th?
[/QUOTE]
Yep. The 9th is a little more drawn out and less conducive to reduction to 'Da’s. Still, a good joke.
[QUOTE=jayjay]
Isn’t Da Da Da Daaaaah the opening of the 5th?
[/QUOTE]
Nope, the opening of the 5th is more of a crunching and spinning sound followed by a pouring sound and a sipping sound.
[QUOTE=nd_n8]
Nope, the opening of the 5th is more of a crunching and spinning sound followed by a pouring sound and a sipping sound.
[/QUOTE]
Oh, you’re a corker…