John Hartford asked: Granny, won’t you smoke some?
And he wondered what they do, when they do do the boogie. And he wondered what he was doing here.
Once upon a time you dressed so fine, threw the bums a dime, in your prime, didn’t you?
Yes. Yes I did. But that was over 40 years ago and you still can’t let it go. Look, I apologized, live moderately and give to the Salvation Army every Christmas, so stop bringing it up, okay? :mad:
This is all pretty silly. The answer is always: Rio, by Duran Duran.
How can I be sure? In a world that’s constantly changing, how can I be sure?
Woo-hoo! I managed a reverse one!
Why don’t you go where fashion sits?
Because I prefer my women with a little meat on their bones.
Where does love go when it dies?
Down to the 7-11 for a gallon of chocolate ice cream and a bottle of Jack.
Where can I go to get my jeans embroidered in Fullerton?
(not so much a question as a demand)
She wanna pearl necklace
Let me see if I can work it into my schedule.
Yep. Next Monday at 3.
Mother should I run for president?
Well, it is a prestigious office. I’d say if you feel you could execute your duties with skill and dignity, why not?
Mother should I trust the government?
Dear god, forget what I said about the ‘running for president’ thing.
**And where do we go from here?
Which is the way that’s clear?**
Why, wherever your blue-jean baby queen is, that’s where. Just don’t let James Dean do the driving.
Her evil twin nieces, Murine and Visine.
No. But the bedpost doesn’t taste so good.
Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?
Joe has shuffled off this mortal coil. He has gone on to his reward. He is deceased. He is no more. He is an EX-DiMaggio.
Has anybody here seen my old friend John?
Yeah, he’s with DiMaggio.
(They’re trading Marilyn stories.)
What if God was one of us?
Then we’d be in even worse trouble then we already are.
** Well do you wanna dance under the moonlight?
Squeeze me baby all through the night
Oh baby, do you wanna dance?**
OK, but I gotta warn you that I might step on your toes.
** Operator, well could you help me place this call?**
I’m not the operator, moron. It’s 2 AM and you dialed the wrong number.
** Have you heard the news?
It’s all over town**
Yeah. That slut Betty Lou’s [del]puttin’[/del] getting’ out tonight. Thank god the free clinic will be open tomorrow with a fresh batch of penicillin.
** Do you believe in love?
Do you believe it’ true?**
Yes and yes. But not with Betty Lou.
** Do they know it’s Christmastime at all?**
Probably not considering that they are probably not Christians.
** What child is this, who, laid to rest,
On Mary’s lap is sleeping?**
Well, either it’s Christ or we’re going to have to rename the freaking holiday.
** Sleigh bells ring
are you listening?**
You bet your ass I am. After my Grandma got run over by a reindeer, I’ve made sure I pay attention.
** Rudolph with your nose so bright,
Won’t you guide my sleigh tonight?**
First off, fat boy, my names not Rudolph. Second of all, my nose is red ‘cause I have a cold. And, finally, I’m not getting near you, that weird sled or any of the pointy-eared midgets. Freak.
** Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?**
I don’t know. I can’t remember.
Don’t you want somebody to love?
Sure, that would be nice.
Don’t you need somebody to love?
I don’t know if “need” is the right word, but as I said before, it would be nice.
Wouldn’t you love somebody to love?
Again, yes. I would, in fact, love somebody to love.
What’s going on here? Are you trying to set me up with somebody?
You better find somebody to love.
Well, a fat lot of help you’ve been.
I wonder who’s kissing her now? Is that what she calls it, her now? That explains a lot.
no. see, this song is about political impressionists at a convention:
“I wonder who’s Kissinger, now.”
Do you, you, feel like I do?
Well, … maybe? Are you feeling like some pie would be tasty?
Before you go, can you read my mind?
Not really, no. The real question is: would I be scarred for eternity if I did?
What would you say?
That really depends on the situation, I find. How about “Huh.” Will that work?