Cane pole, definitely. And there’s no such thing as “too young” to start enforcing it.
One day when my daughter was somewhere in the 7 - 10 range, I came home from work. The house seemed oddly quiet, and I asked my wife where the daughter was? “Oh, she’s upstairs. In her room. With a boy.”
I walked calmly up the stairs to find the door closed. Oh snap. Shit just got real. I kicked down the door to find the two of them playing video games. Thanking Og that I was in-time, I swooped down on the terrified young lad, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and lifted his quivering form up to eye level. Pointing to the shattered remnants of the door hanging from one bent hinge, I said “If this door closes again, you die.” She never had a boy behind a closed door again.
That may or may not be exactly how it happened. But that’s how we tell the story. My daughter is now 18, and as far as I can tell any emotional scarring from her upbringing has only affected her life positively
Sweet! I am **so **getting some flash-bang grenades tomorrow!
Story time:
My parents apparently never had a talk with my oldest sister. Not a word.
When she went away to college, she and a boy did things. She became pregnant.
Went to my grandparents (in the same town as college) and said WTH? Seems she had no fucking clue what had happened, why, and what to do. She literally had no idea that sex = pregnant. :smack:
We’re so not getting behind that curve.
Dad will have a reasonable, mildly frightening/yucky talk about…boys this week.
I’ll have you know that my 13yo son saw the title of this thread on the main page, and it said “My 13yo Daughter wants to c” and he eagerly anticipated the reveal of what it was your daughter wanted to do that started with a c, *what could it be, oh what could it be! *and then I clicked on it and he went, “Cuddle??!”
I’m a non-parent, but as long as the door is open or easily opened and it’s acknowledged that there is no true private time for the 13 year old and her beau, cuddling is okay.
I didn’t get very far sexually until I was 16 or so, but didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18; I didn’t have any “no sex ever/boys are not to be trusted” type rules, and my mom’s only comment to me on the matter was not to come home pregnant. I waited partially because I wasn’t quite ready and partially due to having a very small dating pool to choose from. However, I wasn’t in anything remotely close to a committed relationship until I was more than halfway through my senior year of high school, which was about a year after I lost my virginity.
I had a very cuddly set of friends throughout high school, so we were regularly platonically cuddling with each other like a pile of puppies while visiting at each others’ houses. None of the parents had a problem with this, as it generally didn’t lead to sexual behavior, especially not when there were eight of us or more hanging out at a time. If you’re still very concerned about sexual behavior between your 13 year old and her boyfriend, make it so that there has to be at least two other folks hanging out with them as part of a friend group-- it may not prevent it completely, but it lessens the opportunity for shenanigans.
My daughter’s best friend has a boyfriend that she often cuddles while they’re over here. They’ll watch TV and she’ll be lying on his shoulder while he has his arm around her. But they’re in a room with two or three of their friends, who I am absolutely certain would be making vomit noises if they even tongue-kissed for too long in front of them. I mean, maybe 13-year-olds do sometimes want sex, but their friends do not want to see them doing it. When I was 13 lots of us were starting that way, but not in the same room as our friends, and it often involved drugs and alcohol.
The door to the living room is often shut, but this is a small flat and I often wander in and out and will do so on purpose if they’re quieter than usual. It’d be hard for them to tell if I were going into the kitchen or the living room, since the doors are three feet from each other. Often I am obliged to go in there because they’re shouting loudly about anime. If the couple are doing anything untoward (unlikely) then it’s minor and they’re miraculously quick at putting their clothes back on. These are all 13-14 year olds.
If your flat isn’t as small as mine, then insisting on keeping the door open is totally fair, and if they were alone in the room then they’d have to expect very frequent but irregular visits from me, possibly with me sitting down on the couch in between them to chat about school and what they’d been watching on TV and otherwise guarantee a roll-eyes but also kill the mood.
I picked the fourth option, but agree with the others that guests of the opposite sex are only allowed in public places (e.g. no bedrooms), with the doors open and the lights on. And they should come to expect at least one spontaneous visit from a parent who may not even bother to make up a lame excuse as to why they need to walk in.
Oh, and if they give the slightest bit of grief to a sibling who is clueless to the fact that she’s being a total buzzkill, then the guest is asked to leave and a lecture is given about whose house it is that Miss Romance is living in.
If the couple are doing anything untoward (unlikely) then it’s minor and they’re miraculously quick at putting their clothes back on. These are all 13-14 year olds.