Not in our case. We live in a ***very ***rural area; on 15 acres in the middle of nowhere. They go to school, and come home. They very rarely go to a friend’s house (female friend always). Perhaps just a couple times a year. And when they do, we make sure there is plenty of supervision.
While not impossible, I would say there is a 99.9% guarantee our daughters haven’t even been to first base.
I am neither a parent nor a male, but for those of you saying “It’s just cuddling” here, can you think of any reason short of the death of a loved one that a 13 year old boy would want to cuddle a girl other than as a route to something more, er, direct? In my admittedly rather ancient memory of teenaged boys, cuddling was not on their list of fun things to do. Even hand-holding was something they tended to put up with because the girl liked it rather than because they did. Unless, of course, they were really head-over-heels for the girl (rare at 13), or they thought it would up their social status to be seen holding the hand of the girl in question (in which case the girl would probably be reluctant to be seen holding his hand).
I’d also suggest to the parents that, while they’re talking about the wonders and marvels of sex, they point out that many, perhaps most, girls do not particularly enjoy their first time physically. It may take a number of times before they actually enjoy intercourse, especially if their partners are teenaged boys, who are often done pretty quickly. I’m not suggesting that daughters be taught to close their eyes and think of the Empire, but pointing out that the wonderfulness of the act can be fairly one-sided may lessen their ardor for a while.
Current culture shows women to be as eager for sex as men, and as consisten in enjoying it. That’s not a bad message to send in general, but at the same time, it really can overrate the importance and likelihood of enjoyment of sex for a teenaged girl.
This is actually pretty much exactly the situation I grew up in, if you tag on the “You want a job? Hey, work at dad’s general store. Want a different job? Good luck finding a way to get there, you’re not using MY car to do it.”
Birth control plan needed yesterday.
When I was a 15 year old boy, quite a number of years ago, I was boning the hell out of my 13 year old girlfriend.
And no, we weren’t bad kids, we were just kids.
Rural area here, also. It’s 5 miles to the nearest town, so there was no way a couple 13 yo boys could show up without being driven, and I didn’t allow it. Also, no latch key situation - I was home every day when my kids got off the bus. My daughter told me what the other 13 yo girls (who lived in town) were doing during mixed sex parties …BJ’s. They were the popular girls, cheerleaders, from good families. Scary stuff.
Now, on the other hand, my son, at age 13 would ride his BMX bike several miles to hang out with guy friends, and I found out years later that one of the friend’s mom was giving him cigarettes! Unfortunately, he is a smoker. I thought I was doing such a good job controlling where my kids were and what they were doing. I didn’t know that a crazy mom was the bad influence. :mad:
The roads around here are scary; there’s no shoulder, and everybody travels at 70 MPH. I won’t ride my bicycle on these roads. Needless to say, I won’t allow our children to, either. So when they’re home, they’re home - there’s no place for them to go. A couple times a year they’ll have a (same-sex) friend over. And as mentioned above, they might go to a friend’s house a couple times a year, but we triple-check there is adequate and appropriate supervision. Not impossible, obviously, but I can’t think of a way one of our daughters could secretly spend time with a boy.
These kids must be awfully bored and lonely.
Presuming they are permitted to have hobbies, clubs, etc, what boredom/loneliness that’s left is a function of being rural as all hell, I think.
That’s what I meant. No spontaneity.
Believe me, I lived it, but it wasn’t really the fault of a parental policy such as Crafter Man describes, unless you count the indirect fault of buying a house on a coal mining truck route in Bumfuck, Appalachia.
Not many kids to hang with in a hometown of 200 people.
Not at all. Very happy, intelligent, and well-adjusted.
Well, okay then.
Yeah, okay (been to third base at school in junior high at school, had sex on school property in high school all during school hours).
The hell high school did you go to, and when?
More legitimately, what was the student-to-teacher ratio there?
Get a baseball bat and remind the little deviant about a certain ancient ritual involving “Daddy” and “Little Creep With Wandering Hands”.
Don’t do anything to him, though.
Remind him.
Just so you understand that not everyone was* you*.
I had sex for the first time at thirteen behind the bushes at a church during basketball game. However, most of my girlfriends were much older and in better circumstances when they became sexually active.
While we’re swapping anecodotes- my parents were totally fine with me hanging round unsupervised with boys, and kissing/cuddling at whatever age I got interested- around 11, I think.
I had sex for the first time at 18, by which time I’d been going to nighclubs regularly for nearly 2 years (and staying fairly sober most of the time), with a guy I’d been dating for 3 months, several years later than most of my school friends.
Never underestimate the lure of forbidding things.
I do understand that (and it’s a good thing, too) but I can’t stand it when parents think that their kids who have reached sexual maturity are not sexual beings and couldn’t possibly be ‘doing it.’ My parents certainly didn’t think I was until I got to university five years later.
I want to make sure that all parents know it is very important for your kids to have the facts and the ways to deal with sex even if they aren’t going to use them.
MOST kids are not sexually active at a young age. SOME kids are. The reality is that you can’t tell which ones are/are going to be and aren’t just by experiencing their behviour at home. Most of the girls who looked like sluts in my school were virgins and it was the music/art/drama geeks who were getting their freak on.
Aside: third base at junior high was behind some bushes at lunch hour. At high school I had keys to a shared office for student music council.
In high school I had no curfew and my parents regularly went on week long business trips leaving me entirely unsupervised. My best male (platonic) friend was allowed to sleep over and frequently did.
I was a virgin until well into college.
My parents were fairly strict when it came to hanging out with boys. Like a poster above said, all it did was make me a better liar. They never really had “The Talk” with me. I was having sex at 15 and was pregnant by 16. After they found out I was pregnant, it was “How could you have been so stupid!!” Well, I was stupid. I never really thought about the consequences of sex. All I knew was that a cool guy was paying attention to a nerdy girl and I liked it.
Now my oldest is 15. I had the talk with him long ago and so has his dad. I came across some condoms in his wallet (I was doing wash, not searching). The thought of him having sex makes me shudder, but hey, at least he’s (hopefully) using condoms!