Don’t forget Abolene, which is a make up remover. It’s the masturbation connoisseur’s choice.
That is a self-correcting mechanism to keep us from doing it too much when we are young I suppose. Funnily enough, my son has not admitted to masturbating, he said he just wanted to know in theory. I just smiled and said don’t worry about and when you do start be sure to use keep it off the pillowcase.
Thanks for all the replies.
Hey, I’m a cheap bastard.
Please remind him that semen doesn’t go down the drain in the shower unless you coax it. Don’t leave that shit for your mom to clean, please.
Love,
Mom
(Not of your son, but of ***a ***son.)
I’d be afraid of half-human, half-alligator mutants who look like me turning up in the city sewers.
Looks safe enough:
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET - Premium Synthetic Clear Wire and Cable Pulling Lubricant (PDF)
Cool, thanks for that. As I said, as far as I can tell, it’s KY Jelly, except eight times less expensive.
Cable pulling lubricant.
Awesome. 
You didn’t say. “Beat it, kid”?
StG
Great, now you tell me. When I was around 14 or so, my Dad said “Don’t thump your pud in the shower”. I guess he got tired of finding it. :smack:
I love that column. It’s great advice for teenage boys (and not just the bit about masturbation).
Tell him to stop when he needs glasses.
what’s really awkward is when your mom catches you jerking off…
You done good, BigBadWolf.
I love this thread and all the responses (although now I have visions of my husband wanting to coyly scoop up a handful of lubricant out of an industrial sized tub set next to the bed.)
When our younger son lost his virginity he told us about it a couple days later. (He was 15 or 16.) Said they “did it and everything but it just wasn’t good. Not what he’d expected.” After we talked about condoms again we told him that a lot of times the first time was rushed, with a lot of fumbling around and worrying about how you were doing. It also gave us a chance to talk to him about the difference between having sex and making love. That just having sex with somebody can sometimes be mere mutual masturbation, whereas love can add a depth of layers that take a lifetime to unfold.
With the economic downturn both sons are currently living with us. Recently I needed to carry something into our older son’s room but his door was closed. I knocked and said, “Are you masturbating or can I come in?” I went in laughing as he shook his head and rolled his eyes, but they know how I am and sometimes they egg it on.
Personally, I refill the expensive little bottles from the huge quart bottle.
I started talking to my 12 y.o nephew the other day about sex and contraceptives - condom use and stuff.
Told him with questions can come and ask…
I guess when I next get a chance should mention to him about porn and masturbation, and also see if I have a private chance to pass him a condom…
Dad, is it possible to masturbate too much?
Not at all, son! Just keep it in moderation so you don’t damage your penis skin.
Oh…, I wasn’t talking about masturbating myself, I meant masturbating Mr. Williams, the gym coach.
…
Just tell him not to do it in the Watertown MA public library, in view of the fire station:
http://www.wickedlocal.com/watertown/news/x1644232334/Watertown-police-Firefighter-catches-man-masturbating-in-library#axzz1oQzGgKBV
This was all over the Boston news last night, and this morning. I think they like that now they can say “masturbating” on the air.
Would 55 gallons do you? Just dont re-post it on facebook, or you may find yourself infamous!
When I was in college (large downtown university), it seemed like hardly a week went by without some street person wandering into one of the libraries and being caught masturbating—sometimes successfully ejaculating—in the presence of an ambushed female student, before fleeing (and usually getting away).
Disgusting, yes, but I admit that takes some skillful timing to ah, pull off. And this was before there was web porn to get you riled up…