My 14 year old son asked me about masturbation - I'm so proud!

[John_DiFool]

@Escantell

what’s really awkward is when your mom catches you jerking off…

Or your sister. :smack:

[Fear_Itself]

@hermette

Would 55 gallons do you? Just dont re-post it on facebook, or you may find yourself infamous!

Read the customer reviews on Amazonfor a good yuk:

Hazard for cats
This is a hazard! I’ve already lost two cats in this thing. There should be a warning sticker or something. I assumed the cats would float, but they sunk like rocks into the lube. And no, it’s not what you think. Don’t be disgusting. I was trying to create my own cat lube wrestling league. You know, for sickos.

[Hampshire]

Damn. I saw this thread yesaterday. But for some reason when I glanced at the thread titles today my mind read it as:
“I’m 14, ask me about masturbation - I’m so proud!”

[Loach]

I’m not the kind of dad you can talk to about everything. And I’m totally fine with that.

[Hal_Briston]

The Littlest Briston made a…errr…“discovery” recently. Yeah, I had to sit a six-year-old girl down and try and find a balance between:
[ul]
[li]It’s natural and everyone does it.[/li][li]It’s not something we do in public.[/li][li]GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Kill me. Kill me now.[/li][/ul]

[Rick]

@Fear_Itself

Read the customer reviews on Amazonfor a good yuk:

Read this one:

I made this purchase with a goal in mind, I was going to convert my two turtles into a means of personal transportation from points A to Z and everywhere in between, and generally just for the hell of the fun. My plan initially was to soak them both in the lube (better than ‘turtle wax’ in my opinion) and use industrial strength zip ties to secure them to my platform shoes, then to ultimately slide around town and show off my ingenuity… Seemed like a decent idea upon conception… I threw the two hard-shells into the vat of lubricant… as I stood there with readied zip ties in hand, awaiting the moment when my amphibious amigos would be at the point of optimal slipperiness, I realized that I had left my toaster oven on (nothing like a Hot Pocket to munch on whilst one glides about on the backs of lubricated domestic turtles) and my kitchen was in danger of going up in flames. I quickly ran to get my oven mits to grab my tasty snack out of the small fire hazard… But I was too late! The cabinet above the oven went up first, then the wall behind it… It was a horrendous sight, as flames licked every inch of flammable material in my 400 sq ft flat… Believing there was no saving the home, I ran to the aid of my pets, still suspended in the water-based lube. As I ran, I tripped over one of my thirty-seven pet muskrats, and turned to the 55 gallon drum for support (my clothes have been singed off at this point). I flailed unnecessarily as I fell, and latched onto the side of the drum with both hands, inevitably tipping it and spilling its contents all over my apartment, animals, and my self, as well as my nudist neighbor, Igor, who happened to hear the commotion and ran to my aid, thankfully my door is always open despite the fact that my neighborhood is nothing shy of an American Girl Scout’s worst nightmare.

As we all tumbled around in the lubricated mess, the fire was extinguished, the Hot Pocket was sacrificed, the animals were a little bangged-up but all-in-all okay… and I was enlightened…

Thanks to “Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon”, I discovered something about myself… My life was in shambles, and something needed to be done to fix it. Sleeping in a pile of straw with muskrats is no place for a man… NO! A man needs a true companion. You see, it was never my life’s mission to be a professional turtle skater, it was only to have fun, and in the midst of all the chaos that I had once blamed on the $1500 drum of lube, when Igor came in to rescue me, he slipped too, and (accidentally or otherwise) introduced me to a part of myself (or rather HIS self) that was previously unknown to me (made very easy, due to the overabundance of lubricant all over both our bodies); a FUN side of life I had not had the pleasure of feeling prior to this life altering incident.

Thank you again, “Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon”, you helped me realize that I am not only a man, but I am a proud homosexual man, and if not for the purchase of this curious product, I may never have been introduced to myself.

This 55 gallon drum of water-based lubricant is not just a fun purchase, it is a life-altering investment that I personally guarantee will be worth the money in the long run. Take it from me, just try it, you never know, you might like it!

[Malacandra]

@Escantell

what’s really awkward is when your mom catches you jerking off…

…and you’re aged 37.

[Hal_Briston]

@Malacandra

…and you’re aged 37.

…and she tells you you’re doing it wrong.

[WhyNot]

@Hal_Briston

…and she tells you you’re doing it wrong.

…and then demonstrates her favorite technique.

[Illuminatiprimus]

@WhyNot

…and then demonstrates her favorite technique.

And says she’s happy for you to give it a try to make sure you know how to do it on other ladies.

[JohnT]

… and then your Dad walks in…

[Illuminatiprimus]

@JohnT

… and then your Dad walks in…

And tells you you’re doing it to your mum wrong.

[BrotherCadfael]

@Hal_Briston

The Littlest Briston made a…errr…“discovery” recently. Yeah, I had to sit a six-year-old girl down and try and find a balance between:
[ul]
[li]It’s natural and everyone does it.[/li][li]It’s not something we do in public.[/li][li]GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Kill me. Kill me now.[/li][/ul]

It could have been worse.

You could have had to explain about sheep.

[snowthx]

I want to thank** BigBadWolf** for starting this thread and everyone for the great belly laff I got from reading it. I have a 10 year old son and I am very agreeable to answering his every question - I want to be approachable and honest with him. Good tips and experiences here, everyone.

Reminds me of the old joke from the Jr. High locker room - “Didja know masturbation causes hair to grow on your palms?”, then await the first guy to look at his hand.

[perfectparanoia]

@Hal_Briston

The Littlest Briston made a…errr…“discovery” recently. Yeah, I had to sit a six-year-old girl down and try and find a balance between:
[ul]
[li]It’s natural and everyone does it.[/li][li]It’s not something we do in public.[/li][li]GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Kill me. Kill me now.[/li][/ul]

Oh, dear. I can’t imagine my husband having that conversation with our little girl. I feel for you.

(Okay, and I laughed a little as I have been there.)

[Cartooniverse]

@perfectparanoia

I was so proud the other week when my eight-year-old daughter said to my husband that she had a problem and needed Mommy. Turns out she has been rubbing herself (I don’t know if it counts as masturbating before puberty?) to the point that she made her skin raw. I didn’t even bat an eyelash and explained that I know that it feels good and that it’s okay to do but she should stop if it gets sore (and I gave her some cream to ease it).

" Um… Mom? Where do you buy that cream? "

Having always enjoyed a very tight father-daughter relationship with The Fem-Bot™, it was sweet but not unnerving when she curled up into my lap as she did every night when young to kiss me goodnight. That particular night, she hugged me and flinched. The inveterate tomboy, she looked at me with serious irritation. I asked what was up and she said, " My booblets are sore ". Apparently when budding there’s some discomfort. I told her to talk to her quite uptight not in touch with her body mother about how long such a thing might last, as I’ve no experience. And I told her I was sorry her body was making her miserable.

Maybe a year later she comes to me and asks how a tampon works. We walked into the bathroom, I turned the water faucet on to a warm thin trickle and told her to give me a tampon. She tore one out and watched. I folded my hand over into a light fist with a small hole through it. Inserted, removed tube, then let water trickle into the tampon. It swelled of course, and I pulled it out. swollen like a flower. Her eyes were glued to the entire process. She said Okay, got it. Thanks. And walked out.

Glad she felt comfortable enough to ask me. On the other hand, I would have thought nothing of it if she’d never asked me about it.

My son? I had a few talks with him early on, and never pressed him to have a lot more. He is more quiet and circumspect, and if he needs info, he will ask. He’s also 22 now, so…

[Musicat]

@Cartooniverse

My son? I had a few talks with him early on, and never pressed him to have a lot more. He is more quiet and circumspect, and if he needs info, he will ask. He’s also 22 now, so…

I think he’s about due. Won’t be long now.