Hello,
I was driving my beautiful 15 year-old daughter to her Winter Formal (10th grade) last weekend and the conversation started when she sai that her guy friend said that he’s “Pan SexuaL”. I was like, “What the heck is that?”. She explained it… This night, it was all girls since most guys are “taken”… Let me give you some info on us:
- We are from Texas and my kids always attended private schools, yes, we lived in a bubble up until…
- We moved to Southern California 6 years ago. Kids were still in privates, sheltered from the crazy world out there, for the most part.
- She suddenly got accepted into a very elite arts high school (after portfolios, interviews, grades) and we were all very excited. But we knew there were a lot of gay boys, since it’s a performing arts school mainly, though they have other conservatories with more diversity.
- She has always had crushes on boys, since 1st grade, she would write them notes, blush, something she started on her own, never pushed or pressured to like boys by anyone. I even told her she was too young and to focus on school but she ALWAYS had a crush on boys.
- She has an older brother who is 18, and she always thought at least one of his friends were cute.
- We sent her to this school, this is her 3rd semester there and she has mentioned boys many times, she even had a date to last year’s Winter Formal and she was very excited about it. BUT she got very disappointed when he didn’t show more interest in her after that date.
- This year she also liked a boy but nothing happened… she says there are too many girls to choose from for those straight boys…
- She has a very supportive group of girlfriends who are mostly straight but last weekend she told me some of them were gay. I stopped breathing knowing where the conversation was heading.
- I said, what are you? Since she was talking about others.
- She said: “you will judge me if I tell you” and she laughed a little. She finally said: “I’m bi”.
I asked her if she’s had any physical/intimate encounters with girls at school and she said no but that whomever she ends up loving in her life, that it wouldn’t matter if they were male or female.
Keep in mind, this high school is very, very liberal and we didn’t realize how much. I mean, some of the bathroom stalls (we just noticed last week when we visited) have upside down crosses saying “F” Trump and such. Super anti-trump crowd, etc. I don’t like him either, but to keep politics out, just so you get an idea on the crowd…
- She has become much more feminist this year and a little of last (9th grade), standing up for LGBTQ folks, etc.
This isn’t your typical “I’ve been gay since I was young”, this is something sudden, but when I asked her since when she felt this way, she said about a year or two, which coincides with her entering this school.
She is almost 16 but has never had a serious boyfriend, though she dated one in 8th grade and held hands, etc. but they were never alone for making out and stuff.
I am thinking a few scenarios but I need help, I am freaking out not knowing how to guide her. Of course I was calm and understanding when she told me but I went home and cried all night not knowing how to properly handle it so she wouldn’t be hurt or feel unloved like a lot of teens feel. We are very close and we are definitely traditional with our thinking, we are Catholic, which she’s also suddenly rebelling against as well, when she used to always lead our table prayer at dinner. We definitely think this could be a case where she’s influenced by so many gay people around her meaning that she could be saying that to “fit in” or be cool, get attention, be accepted by others.
It’s very, very hard to date boys (she loves boys) because of how many are gay and the straight ones at school are all taken, she said. I’m thinking she feels accepted by the sweet girls and may have developed an attraction to that, because it has nothing to do with sex, she’s a virgin and not dating anyone, we talked about it.
We are very involved parents, always ask questions and talk to our kids but this time she didn’t tell us for the whole year, but she did open up to her older brother about it A YEAR AGO and we didn’t know!!!
Help, any ideas? We want to guide her, but part of me wants to pull her out of that school, though I know going into 11th grade is the toughest time to do so! She has a 4.2 GPA, excellent student, amazing human being, kind, caring, loving, not a mean bone, is kind to us her parents, we adore her! Help me please! If I pull her out I KNOW she will gt depressed and her grades will drop. She has ZERO emotional issues meaning, there is no depression, trauma, or divorce, NOTHING, we have a pretty stable and even boring home life. 