When I was 21, I was super flattered that a 40+ guy was interested in me. What an ego rush!! It didn’t take long to figure out that he was just a dirty old man going thru a midlife crisis, and I moved on.
I was lucky in that my mother didn’t know about him - I was living on the other side of the country from her at the time. She’d have had a fit about me being with a man who was her age. Now that I think about it, she still knows nothing about him. Anyway, try to be cool about it unless you see something that really raises red flags - like if he’s controlling or abusive.
Take comfort in the fact that somewhere, his grown kids are posting on a message board, “Our 56-year-old dad is dating a 24-year-old floozy who is OBVIOUSLY out for his money. What can we do?”
~VOW
You’ve got less than two years until you’re creepy. Better get moving on that relationship front!
For the OP: You’re best approach is to do/say nothing. You’re daughter will be able to tell you don’t like it, even if you do your best to not let it show.
When I was 24, every single girl my age whom I was interested in was dating a 40+ year old guy instead of me. Really disappointing for me. I think there is an “older guy” phase women go through in their early-to-mid 20s.
No need to be offended. Embrace your upcoming future. There are plenty of us approaching our 50’s and are dirty middle aged men developing into dirty old men. The dirty part is what keeps us young! Never forget that!
As far as your daughter, tough one. I guess having my own daughter (much younger) allows me to envision myself in your situation. I can’t say that I would like it very much at all, however knowing what I was like at 24 you need to take the above posters advice and not force a Romeo and Juliet hand to them. When I was that age, I swear I did the opposite of whatever advice my parents gave me. Of course now that I am older I realize that they were right, but a bit too late on my part.
They will either be madly in love and the relationship will grow or she will get tired of the age difference. I couldn’t imagine dating a 24 year old (I am 45) as we would have nothing in common. My party days are way behind me and my values, taste in music and entertainment and such are so far removed from a 24 year old’s world. The only thing that I could see attracting me to a much younger woman would be the sex, although I tend to be more attracted to women my own age. There isn’t a 24 year old in the world who has anything on my wife. So, relax and time will take care of the problem one way or another. They will either get tired of the age difference or they will fall deeper in love. Either way she is an adult and the choice isn’t up to you. Hopefully you have taught her well and she was able to fly when you tossed her out of the nest.
To the OP: I almost dated an old guy. My dad (who is that age) is dating a 30 year old. I can tell she is SERIOUSLY unhappy and it makes her embarrassed sometimes.
I’m about 90 per cent sure it’s a self esteem issue. Chances are she’ll move on later and want to forget about it.
My current boyfriend is 42 today and I’m 26. I’m 100 per cent OK with it. But any larger of a gap and I’d start to wonder, “What the hell?”
Why is it necessarily wrong? Doesn’t it matter who the people are?
As a parent, admittedly with so far only my males having made it to adulthood (but I hope that doesn’t matter), I have to make the argument that we try to raise our kids with good sense, good taste, and a good sense of self. Once our kids are adults we have to trust that we’ve done that job well enough that our now adult children can make their choices for themselves. I’ll give advice when it is asked for, and I’ll be available to help out in any way I can if decisions go bad, but otherwise … they are launched now. Maybe this 54 year old is a very sweet man, very respectful of your adult child, and your daughter is mature enough to see that a vibrant smart 54 year old man who treats her as an equal and with respect is a better match, for now anyway, than the men nearer her age that she has been meeting. (Let’s face it, not a lot of 20 something men are as great as my boys are!)
Trust her. It isn’t like you really have any other choice.
I married a woman who is significantly older than me so I suppose I’m biased… but I’m in the “she needs to make her own decisions” camp. This is especially true when we don’t know how long-term this relationship is going to be.
In any relationship, you’ve got to make sure you’re a good match for the person. Ages may be a factor for that match, but there are plenty of poor matches that happen when ages are compatible. For example, we knew going in that having our own kids was not going to be an option for us based on her age. We both accept the scenario and are happy with it. On the other hand, my brother married a woman his age; he wants 0 kids and she wants 7. You tell me who made the better choice.
For my wife and I, the biggest incompatibility is that she likes country music and isn’t terribly organized. I’ve chosen to let those little foibles slide for now.
We’ll probably have a point where she’s old and sick and I’m not and that will come sooner for us than for a couple with the same ages. But there are plenty of couples dealing with illness and disability at all ages. Disaster doesn’t knock and ask permission just because you’re young.
Sooo…does that mean you will be watching the new Twilight film and then a night out out the town drinking Cosmo’s and blowing some drummer in the bathroom of some pickup bar?
The average age for marriage IS 26 for women (and 28, 37, 45 and 56 for men).
