My 8-year-old wants to play basketball this winter, but I'm not sure if I want to allow it

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I realize that title might create a strong negative feeling by its very nature, but I’ll see if I can explain myself slightly better. My 8-year-old told his mom (my ex-wife, who I get along with very well) a few days ago that he wants to play basketball this winter. This is the first time he’s asked to play a sport since he played basketball in a modified-rules league when he was 5 years old.

To put it kindly, he was not good. I don’t care about that, I truly don’t, but I’m able to look at that rationally, and he just wasn’t good. In spite of this, he had fun that season. I missed his first couple games because I was away working, but when I asked him about them on the phone, he told me, “I scored 20 points in one game!” Because I had talked to my ex, I knew he hadn’t scored 10 baskets, so I asked, “Really! You scored all those baskets yourself?”* His reply to that was, “Well, my teammates know that I don’t really know what I’m doing out there, so they scored all the points for me.” He ended the season without having scored a single basket, but we always asked him after the games if he’d had fun, and he said he did every single time.

Now he’s eight and although he likes to be outside and run and play on the playground, he’s not a particularly athletic kid. I think he’s barely even touched a basketball since he played in that league, and he still hasn’t learned how to ride a bike because he’s scared of getting scrapes on his hands and knees. He’s generally a very happy kid, and I think he’d be OK if he still wasn’t very good at basketball, but I’m worried about the other kids teasing him and making it not fun for him. Kids can be mean, and although this year has been good so far, he got teased some in school last year.

Really, I just want my kid to be the happy, carefree kid that I love. I think part of what’s contributing to my hesitation on this is that his teacher last year was kind of awful. She was cut from an old cloth, the kind of teacher that thought children should be in their seats and very quiet at all times, and his 2nd-grade year was bad partly because of this. He was doing math and reading at a 4th- to 5th-grade level last year, and he was just so bored that he tended to get fidgety. His teacher last year actively discouraged him from reading higher-level books, and it really seemed like she just didn’t like our kid. He cried a lot last year, and I was worried that some of his spirit had been killed a little bit. This year has been great so far, though, and he’s been happy after school almost every single day.

I know this is getting long, so I’ll wrap it up and answer any questions in the comments. My ex and I are going to have lunch this week to talk about this, but what are your thoughts? Am I being overly protective?

*I feel like I need to point out that I wasn’t asking this skeptically, but rather excitedly. More like, “Really? That’s awesome that you did that!”

2

He enjoys himself and it gets him outside and playing happily with other kids. Be happy for him that he’s found something he’s passionate about, support and encourage him in it and don’t worry about how well he does it. If you are afraid that other kids will undermine his confidence, it’s your job as a father to bolster it.

3

My mother thought I was uncoordinated, and totally non-athletic, so I was discouraged from playing sports or doing gymnastics, because I’d be awful, and the other kids would probably laugh at me, so I’d be better off not bothering.

Problem is, I still was playing with those other kids, and from being a little behind the other kids my age, the fact that they were all doing sporty stuff while I wasn’t just increased the difference, so I just embraced the ‘crap at sports’ role, and sat on the sidelines.

It was a bit of a surprise, in my 20s, to find an athletic interest that I enjoyed, and realise that, while I’m never going to be a world class athlete, I actually wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I’d always thought, and just giving it a regular go was having a noticeable effect on my general coordination. At least half my being ‘crap at sports’ was just because I was pretty dire as a little kid, so I’d been both subtly and not so subtly pushed away from ever really trying to get better, by parents who didn’t want me to get laughed at for being crap.

Let the kid have a go, he wants to, he might enjoy it, and he might not be as bad as you think. 5 year olds are pretty crap at a lot of things.

4

Go ahead and let him play.

5

If he likes it, let him play. Sounds like it might be you with the problem. :wink:

(I know of what I speak. My kid played soccer. Worst soccer player EVER! I died of embarrassment every single game! But, he seemed to enjoy it, and I guess that is what matters. I don’t remember the humiliation, too much, but I think the remembers having fun out there. And anything that gets kids off their asses and cell-phones is a WIN! :smiley: )

6

+1000

Let me join the chorus of “let him play!” We have an epidemic of obesity in this country, including among kids. probably half that is due to kids not getting enough exercise. (The other half is probably chemical in nature, but that’s beyond the scope of this thread.) You should be encouraging any physical activity by your kid. So what if he’s not very good. He won’t get any better if he doesn’t practice.

7

I remember playing basketball at his age. I was horrible, because I had never played it before.

Your best course of action is encourage it. And mostly help him to get better. Work with him. My father had a disability and was not able to work with me. Give him so tips.

I needed training but didn’t have it. All the kids on the team had played it before. All I knew was that the ball was round. The team mates were good to me. And it was fun. Just wish I could have contributed more to the team.

Yes, work with him.

8

Some kids are athletically gifted, and some, I guess, aren’t.

In elementary school, I fit decidedly in the latter category, but by 9th grade I was good at all sports, and dominant on the volleyball court. Those gym class volleyball games were the most fun I had in school, ever.

I’m betting that if he loves basketball, he’ll end up being good at it eventually. I suggest letting him play until the day he doesn’t want to anymore.

9

Correct me if I’m wrong… but you seem to be saying that because he was not good at age 5, his career should be over at age 8. Good grief.

10

<mumblty-something> [think "in excess of 40] years ago, I was in your kid’s position. I was the same age. I wanted to enter the City-wide “Kids Wrestling Tournament”. I don’t remember what it was called at the time. My parents were as leery about it as you are, now, but they let me do that. I won 4th place. Period. You wrestled in your weight class, and if you won, you got to go to the city-wide, same age but unlimited weight round. I got 4th, against much heavier 8 year olds. I got a 4th place ribbon. Next year, I entered again in the 9-year old class. I got 4th place, again. But… That Time! I beat “Jake the Snake” (Who was to become the famous High School wrestler, in my HS years, a decade later).

I wasn’t a ‘Jock’ in HS, but “Jake” <actually, his real name> knew that I had beaten him when we were 9, and I’d beat him again.

Let your kid beat them now, when it’s fun. It won’t be so fun in high school.

11

I went to a basketball program at the Y at around that age. I was short and skinny, no experience, and not very athletic either. I loved it. It wasn’t real competition, a bunch of high school coaches were teaching us stuff and then we’d break out into teams and play some half court games. I didn’t do much in the games but the coaches loved me in the instruction because I was listening and trying to do what they told me while most of the rest of the kids were trying to show off.

Anyway, OP, help your son get ready if he can, prepare him for the possibility of failure, gently that is, tell him that what matters is how you play the game while he can still believe it, give him a chance, and be prepared to pick up the pieces in case it doesn’t turn out great. He may not do well, but it won’t be the first time in life he’ll have to deal with that, we all have to grow up and learn to deal with failure. And maybe he’ll do well and he can learn the tough lesson some other day in some other way.

12

Not doing something because others may be better is not a lesson you want children to internalize.

13

I was that kid.

I was slow, uncoordinated and untaught. I played youth soccer and baseball and the only time I ever got into a game was literally when we ran out of other players.

Still, I enjoyed being on a team. I enjoyed the sports themselves, even if I only got to play during practices.

I vote for letting the kid play. Even if he’s not good, he might still enjoy the experience. If he doesn’t, he’ll let you know soon enough.

14

Add me to the “let him play” chorus, with an addendum: you’re worried it’ll become shitty for him if he has shitty teammates who mock him for being a bad basketball player, right?

So let him play, but let him quit if he needs to. If he talks about quitting because of shitty teammates, first see if the coach will do something about that (they really should, that’s intolerable). If they won’t, find an alternate physical activity he’ll enjoy, whether it’s finally learning to ride a bike, or hiking a bunch, or playing an individual sport, or whatever.

15

If he was having fun despite sucking before, then he can have fun despite sucking again. And besides, let’s be honest, all 8-year-olds suck at all sports.

When it gets to the point where it matters, that’s also about the point where they’ll start having tryouts for the kids instead of letting everyone play, and so it won’t be your decision.

16

Oh, and I’ll also mention that I was a late bloomer on bike-riding, too. And nowadays I put in about 4000 km per year on my bike. Don’t worry about that; he’ll learn in his own good time.

17

Agreed, absolutely let him play.

18

Buy him a basketball so he can practice ball handling and dribbling. If possible, put up a net for him. If that’s not possible, find a place for him to practice and go there with him.

You don’t really want your kid walking through life afraid to try anything that he might fail at.

19

Thank you so much for your input, everyone. Thread closed, I’m going to do my best to convince my ex-wife to let him play.

20

Let him play and/OR show him alternatives where his athleticism and enthusiasm might shine. Dance, cheer, golf, tennis, wrestling, skating, etc. Football/basketball/baseball is a horrid place to get stuck if you want to be physically active, but don’t particularly take to any of those sports. I was a horrible fielder in softball for 5 years but a good hitter–I enjoyed none of it. I would have much rather been taking ballet or modern dance. In HS circa 1994 I begged to be allowed on the wrestling team with the guys, but that was unheard of. I still feel weird about the reaction of Coach when I asked. Now, it’s not a big deal.