I have a close friend who was due two weeks after me (So she was about 36-37 weeks along).
I found out on the 2nd that the baby died in utero. The doctors suspect a blood clot in the umbilical cord. She was tipped off by a complete lack of fetal movement on New Years Day, but by then it was too late (the doctors say it happened very fast).
Now, I am still pregnant and she and I have been very close during this pregnancy. We took pre-natal yoga and birthing classes together and we both found out we were pregnant within a few weeks of each other.
We made a lot of comments about how wonderful it was that she and I grew up together and now our babies would too
All she wanted was a baby girl and now she’ll be putting to rest her first daughter, Madison Taylor, her “little angel”.
I don’t want to cause her unnecessary pain, what is the best way to approach her? I’m so torn, on one had this is one fo the happiest times of my life, but she is going through this horrible experience.
There’s all kinds of different ways you could go with this, and you run the risk of hurting your friend whichever way you choose, unfortunately.
I know that personally, I couldn’t stand the site of my “also-pregnant” friend when I had my third miscarriage. Even though she genuinely cared about me, even though nothing was her fault, I had a totally irrational anger toward her that took me a good 6 months to get over.
On the other hand, if you don’t reach out to her, she may feel abandoned by you.
I would make a call, or a visit, and then take my cues from her reactions. If she is not receptive, don’t push. And don’t take it personally. Remember that emotionally, she is not in a very stable state right now. If she lashes out at you, it’s not really you she is angry at.
Also, if she does not seem to want to talk to you right now, give her some time. Give her a call or drop a note every month to six weeks or so, and see how she responds.
To add to what Lucretia said, maybe you could first call and ask her how she’d feel about you visiting. Something like, “I understand that this is a very emotional time for you, and I want to be there for you, but I don’t want to hurt you if my being there would cause you undue stress.”
