My b/f wants me to be a nudist... help!

[Tster]

Oh, and thanks A LOT for your post. I think reading that stuff AFTER I go might make it more clear. At this point, it just doesn’t make sense to me.

[Mtgman]

*Originally posted by Tster *
**Well, Steven, what initially upset me was that (and he admitted to this) his entire goal for going initially was for “seeing naked women”. Years ago when he first went, it was just another way for him, as a single man, to see boobies. **

I’m not sure any man has made it through their younger years without at least once thinking “man, those nudists have it GREAT” and being tempted to try to get into a resort. The question is, once he actually started BEING one of those people, did this motivation remain important to him? As I mentioned, the communities aren’t usually very tolerant of gawkers/voyeurs. You said you admire his openness. I’d guess a lot of his openness is a result of learning that his initial motives, while understandable(and quite possibly extremely common), weren’t as fulfilling as the actuality of being around a group of like-minded, open, non-judgemental people.**

I can’t imagine a strait MAN going for the first (second, third…) time without that goal. In the last few days, I have decided to go with a girlfriend to the nude beach down in Miami instead for the first time (thought I’d blend in more). Knowing that men there will have the goal I mentioned above, it kind of shocks me that he doesn’t really care if I go or not…and whether he’s with me or not. **

I have gone to nude beaches with absolutely no intent to gawk, nor did I gawk. My wife and I went together one time and she found it tremendously empowering to throw aside her self-consious concerns and simply enjoy herself. I have skinny-dipped just for the fun of it and not given a damn who saw or what they thought. How I choose to present myself, nude or clothed, is a matter of my own self-image and my own self-confidence. What others think of it doesn’t concern me. Nudism is about recognizing that appearance isn’t important.

My wife has expressed frustration at my attitude towards her doing things like you’re talking about doing(going to nude beaches, being the recepient of gawking, etc). I’m not jealous or posessive at all. She says she’s both disappointed and happy that I’m not jealous or posessive. As much as I’ve been able to understand her reactions I make them out to be like this.

She’s disappointed because she has some weird social programming that makes her think that if I am posessive of her that means she’s beautiful and I care a lot about her. So me not being posessive means, thanks to this social programming she’s been ingrained with, I don’t care enough about her to want her all to myself.

She’s happy because she realizes that I’m not posessive of her because I understand she is not “mine” she is her own person who chooses to be with me. I don’t “own” her, nor do I claim exclusive rights to her time or demand that only I be able to acknowledge her as a beautiful and sexy woman. If she is oogled, she asks me “doesn’t that bother you?” and I honestly say “no” it throws her for a loop.

I’ve told her that it takes two to tango and that if I’m ever not enough for her that she should let me know and we’ll find some way for her to seek her own happiness. Perhaps through changes in our relationship or by her seeking another relationship/ending ours. This turns her on her head. She just doesn’t understand that I trust her. Apparently it is so unusual for a man to trust a woman around other men, especially in the situations you’re talking about, that she feels disoriented by my faith in her and in our relationship. It is not a crime to be attractive or to draw looks from other men. It is not a crime for them to acknowledge her as an attractive woman with appreciative looks. Where would be my justification for jealousy? She’s going home with me.

Enjoy,
Steven

[Aye1]

@green_dragon

First off, I think it’s really great that you’re willing to lovingly and freely make such a big step for your partner. However I think the main issue is do you really want to do this for YOURSELF?

There’s nothing wrong with change, in fact I think changing yourself is the best way to grow…however if you are trying to force yourself to think a certain way because he is ‘worth it’ then I can’t see things working out for you.

Would he make such a big effort if your roles are reversed?

Anyway, all that done with, I think possibly the best way round this is to detatch yourself from the situation…try and consider things from an outside viewpoint. Yes you’re naked, but you are around people to whom nakedness is no big deal.

Hmmm not much help I guess but there you go.

**
Very much positive and optimistic as well cosurctive approach.

[Smapti]

@Aye1

**
Very much positive and optimistic as well cosurctive approach.

FYI, this thread is 14 years old, and the poster you’re responding to hasn’t been active for 13.

[Asimovian]

@Smapti

FYI, this thread is 14 years old, and the poster you’re responding to hasn’t been active for 13.

Agreed. We discourage the revival of old threads without a good reason. This thread is closed.