Your friend married a Princess, whose own money is Hers, but friend’s money is Ours. And he is already failing to provide the 1950’s era economic model, where he overworks himself and dies early, and she enjoys an appropriately elevated standard of living. This will not end well.
I think you should pray to all the deities in whom you do or do not believe that she never gets pregnant in that marriage
And that you set an automatic response of “mm hmm” to every complaint either of them expresses, offering no further commentary.
(If he is ever receptive, you might nudge him toward cutting back on the alcohol, but only in the context of his health, not his marriage.)
I think you were doing “the guy thing” - providing a solution when “the girl thing” is to bitch.
Should she bitch in front of company? Nope. Do I feel sorry for your friend? Yep.
But your role is to say (as Tom said) “mm hmmm” and perhaps try to change the conversation.
(Besides, imagine the trouble for your friend if she’d taken you up on your solution! She already spends too much. Now she’d be home all day with nothing to do but shop! Plus, your ‘shocking’ solution may already be a point of contention with them - she may feel ‘entitled’ to stay home and resent ‘having to work.’ Opening up that can of worms was not being a good friend.)
In a situation like that, I’d go for the noncommittal “mm-hmm” level of response to all the oversharing. It sounds uncomfortable, but when I try to imagine myself in a similar situation, it doesn’t feel too awful to endure for one night, because I know what I’d be thinking the whole time: “these people are lunatics! Can’t wait to get home and (in private) talk this over with my husband.”
(Reading that paragraph over, I guess what I’m saying is I’d be using other people’s misery as a source of cheap entertainment, which is pretty appalling. Hmm. I’ll have to give that some thought.)
Without being there/knowing all the facts, it is difficult to know whether or not your question was appropriate, but on first reading, my reaction to your question about “have you ever thought about quitting your job?” was that (a) that was too personal a question, not that they didn’t invite it; and (b) that might not be the world’s best suggestion if they are financially strapped as it is.
Be nice to your friend and make sure he knows you’re still his friend. Be polite to his wife but try not to get into any really involved conversations with her. And start digging your bomb shelter now because this thing is going to go up.
QFT
My few points ,you should never denigrate your partner in front of others,just as you should never give one of your staff a telling off in front of their colleagues ,your not making the other person aware of a problem that they can help solve you are merely humiliating them and it suggests the person doing so may well be a bit of an emotional sadist.
It is also unforgivable to embarass and make uncomfortable the other people present especially in a social occasion that they are supposed to be enjoying.
Likewise whining about your problems ad nauseam ,all people have enough problems of their own without you adding yours to them.
Its different if theyve asked you how the job is etc.then its O.K. to BRIEFLY express your discontent and then move on.
Also if theyre good friends whos advice you value its o.k. to take them on one side and ask for their advice but even then if they appear reluctant to comment you shouldnt press them and should drop the subject.
If you have a problem that you cant or wont do anything about then keep it out of the conversation anyway.
Has it ocurred to anyone that the blokes heavy drinking could be BECAUSE of her nagging?
Or if he was already a toper when she met him she hasnt exactly done anything to encourage him to give up.
But now Im going to go against all of the above.
Ive known more then a few men who actually enjoy being nagged though they complain about it ,cos theyve always associated it with their youthful perception of marriage and by being married and nagged they’ ve made the manhood rite of passage in their eyes .
Or maybe it makes their partner maternal in their eyes ,both of these are guesses on my part as I loathe being nagged.
Ive also known a couple of guys who were desperately in love with the most selfish miserable bitches you could ever hope to meet
Interestlingly enough they were incredibly selfish and anal themselves but Im not saying your mate is .
Lastly it could be that she expressing her ire with him out of reasons that neither of them wish others to know about (out of embarassment maybe ?)but she still wants to pay him back.
A close mate of mine got a lot of public derision from his missus,everything from being crap in bed to being a boring conversationalist .after they divorced it turned out that she had found out that hed been unfaithful to her but was too ashamed to tell anyone else and he being the guilty party kept his mouth shut and took the shit.
But as the other posters have said stay out of it ,its their problem and not only do they know alot more about it then anyone else but they are quite likely to both take against you if you try to get involved even on a conversational level.