My Best Offer? Out!

The BBQ Pit
1

Folks, US restaurants are not bazaars. Don’t try to haggle with the waitress, she can’t offer you a discount. Don’t even try. I don’t give a damn what ingredients you want to hold - the costs are labor, ingredients, overhead, and spoilage, in about that order. You’re not saving us anything, here; you’re probably increasing the labor and spoilage costs.

And for the love of God, if you have a special dietary requirement, ask before ordering. Don’t wait twenty fucking minutes to ask about it, after the food is on your table, and don’t ask for a list of every God-damned ingredient in the dish. I’m not going to tell you. If you have a severe allergy to a common ingredient, ask about that ingredient. If there’s any doubt at -all- in our minds, we’ll say it’s in there.

Don’t fucking take it out on the waitress when I balk at your idiot demands. You come into the kitchen and talk to me. You put one of my girls in tears and you, too, will be unceremoniously asked to pay your check, get the hell out, and don’t come back.

And if you order the most expensive thing on the menu, try to haggle, ask for the ingredients after it’s in front of you, yell at the waitress when I won’t tell you, -eat it anyway-, and refuse to pay, then run away when I find out and come storming out of the kitchen, you can explain it to the cops. If you -don’t- run away, I’ll fucking throw you out bodily, and call that your bill.

These weren’t punks off the street, either. I’m talking fifty-year-old-ish professionals, drive a nice car with that fucking fish insignia to let everyone know what good Christians they are. Because being a good Christian is all about letting everyone know you’re one. You fucking think that means you can bully some poor high school kid who’s doing her job, well, not on my watch. You can get the hell out of my restaurant and don’t come back.

You can bully -me- and I’ll either apologize or, very politely, suggest that you’d be happier elsewhere. I can deal with that. But if even one tear rolls out of the eyes of my kids out there and you -better- run. I’m -not- afraid of you, and you’re either gonna pay up and leave - for good - or you’re gonna learn how to fly.

Better yet, be nice to your waitress. She’s doing the best she can - that’s how she earns her wages. Don’t give her a hard time because you got a problem with the chef. You don’t like something I’m doing, take it up with me. Or the owner. She’ll probably laugh in your face, mind you, but… um… fuck you. You deserve it.

2

Damn, that does suck, but how often does this happen? More than once?

3

Wow. Bosses like you would have meant my world when I was in retail.

As it is, I’d let my baby sisters work for you.

Working with the public sucks without a decent support structure. Thanks for being one.

4

Well… not all at the same time. Just the once, today. Haggling is annoying and ridiculously common, probably a weekly occurance. Assholes hassling waitresses as a stand-in for me or one of the other cook-types, though, happens far too often, and is just -wrong-.

It’s fucking WRONG, people!

I’ve only ever had three tables walk out on the bill after eating, in my career, and one was actually pretty well justified. I’ve tossed out perhaps five tables for being excessively mean to the girls, tho’, in as many years. Only once have I found it necessary to remove someone bodily, for touching without permission, and I accidentally bumped him up against the dumpster three or four times on the way off the property. Today would’ve made twice if the asshole had been less alert, although I think I’d’ve stopped at the door. I did stop chasing him at the door, anyway, pausing only to shake my fist and holler “stay out!” before calling the cops.

They left through the front door, ran down the street, and circled the block to get to their car. They must’ve seen the look on my face. I got their plate number anyway as they pulled out, since the kitchen exit is a big glass door through which the parking lot is clearly visible. The cops say they’ll mail us a check for the bill, but I’ll be perfectly happy if I just never see 'em again. It sure ain’t the money - if you could pay me to watch these girls sobbing, we’d put it on the damn menu.

5

[QUOTE=quothz]
Today would’ve made twice if the asshole had been less alert,

[QUOTE]

(Because I’d -already- gone out once and told him to pay up and get the hell out, then returned to the kitchen to avoid a small fire. When I returned, after about two minutes, he was yelling at the waitress again instead of paying up and getting out.)

Hint to assholes - when an angry man tells you to pay up and get out, yelling at a sixteen-year-old-girl who you’ve already made cry is not going to improve the angry man’s mood, the fact that you’ve been bounced, or the fact that you’re an asshole. Nor does it make you appear bad-ass and powerful in the eyes of your peers at the other tables. It makes you look like a stupid fucking asshole, which you are.

6

Give -my- boss the credit. If she didn’t back my ass up, I’d be flipping burgers somewhere or (shudder) back in a cube farm. It -is- the structure, all the way to the top. Luckily, the top isn’t a soulless corporation somewhere, but a woman with a masters in home-ec, a disposition even more stubborn than my own, a love of Indian cuisine, and a heart the size of a basketball.

7

quothz, if more people like you would stand up to these people, the world would be a much better place. Keep up the good work.

8

What was the guy doing, exactly? And what kind of restaurant do you work at? Just curious.

Kudos, by the way. I wish I had half your spine.

9

Haggling over a restaurant bill? I’ve been paying my own way at restaurants of various sorts for about two decades and it’s never occured to me once in all that time to haggle with anyone about the price. Who does this? I mean really, in most restaurants I’ve been in the price for each item is printed right on the menu, if something costs more than I want to spend I don’t order it.

Haggle? How low-class can you get?

10

Ah, situations like this. Also known as “a big part of why Roland Orzabal quit managing and went back to plain ol’ waiting tables”. I’ve had some pretty nasty customer encounters; it happens when you run a restaurant/bar that has a pool area and a bar that stays open until 2 a.m. The clock hits 2:00 (after which it is illegal to serve alcohol in VA), people don’t want to give up their drinks…things can get ugly. I never went upstairs to the pool tables for “collection” without some sort of (hidden) weapon and a (visible) portable phone. Thankfully, I never had to do more than brandish either. No, the worst physical encounter I ever had during my time in management was not with a customer at all…it was with the husband of the restaurant’s owner.

This guy was a real piece of work. Convicted felon (tax evasion), ex (?) coke head, drunkard, usually hopped up on painkillers (legitimately obtained for his bad back). He wasn’t around much, but when he was, his sole function was to scream at everybody, fuck everything up, annoy the customers with his inane ramblings and then leave again. Many were the times (before I started managing) that I saw him drive young female workers quite literally out the door in tears from his insane ravings. Since he mostly stayed away for long periods of time, though, I figured I could deal with him. That is, until one day when he ran in the door, drunk off his ass, and started humping the vaguely-androgenous statue next to the host stand. Before I could react, somebody in the kitchen yelled out that the statue was a male. His response to that: “Hey! Roland! Ya hear that? I’m a fuckin’ faggot!” I approached him calmly, and told him that he could either get out, or I’d put him out. He told me I didn’t have the balls. So, I picked him up in the old-fashioned fireman’s carry, walked down the ramp to the front door, opened the door, and threw him onto his ass. I think he sat there for a few minutes trying to figure out what happened, then walked away, presumably to call his wife to come pick him up (I’d taken his keys when he placed them on the host stand). Didn’t hear from him again for a while after that.

As for customers trying to haggle, being rude to waitstaff, and the like…well, as a few around here have learned, it’s best not to get me started. I could tell you about the time I had to manually eject windchime-peddling Hare Krishnas from my bar…but that’s a bit off-topic, and a story for another day.

Nice work, quothz, my friend. Don’t let them push you, or your staff, around. They may respect you for it, or they may not, but you can be damned sure that every single person in your employ will be damned glad to say that they work for you.

11

Haggling? I’ve never known anyone to haggle over a restaurant bill, and I live in the Middle East. Where the hell did that come from?

P.S. - don’t mess with the chef. Right, wrong, he’s the one with the knife.

12

Exactly? Well, most of what I got was second-hand, of course, and I never did ask for a lot of specifics. Both waitresses agree that he’d raised his voice at her and was awfully aggressive and rude, which is enough for an invitation out. Snotty we’re all braced for, loud and aggressive is unacceptable. Period.

(Hint: If the waitress is shaking, you’re probably way out of line.)

The first time I came out, I left the waitress in the kitchen to compose herself. He was flipping through some papers and drinking tea. The woman he was with, presumably his wife, was eating a sundae. Both had finished most of their meal and pushed the plates aside.

The only word he spoke to me when I told him to settle up and get the hell out for good was an indignant “what?” I answered him, too, and glared at him for a bit to see if he cared to discuss it with me instead of someone picking on someone a third his age and size. The second time I emerged, he was one his feet, leaning in close to the waitress and generally in a physically aggressive stance (his wife was at the door already), rather than, say, paying his check and leaving. Later I found he was refusing to pay, again.

That’s the moment when I, already pretty upset, was ready to put him in manual override and headed in his direction. “Ran” was probably an exaggeration, really, but he moved awful quickly and both were pretty much jogging along the street by the time I got to the door.

About as exact as I can get, really. An encounter with an aggressive asshole who likes to yell at little girls but won’t confront someone willing to confront him back. Bet’ch’a he hits his wife, too.

The restaurant is really more of a cafe; we sell a lot of espresso drinks, but carry a pretty broad, eclectic, and oft-rotating menu that runs the gamut from Mediterranean and Japanese appetizers to Mexican (and some New Mexican) entrees, weekly Indian or Thai dishes (the boss’ specialties), and the occasional foray into China, Mongolia, Russia, or wherever our fancy strikes, plus original and semi-original sandwiches and some awfully rich desserts (amazing what you can do with marshmallows, espresso, and professional-quality kitchen implements). The only real consistent bits are the horrible puns that nobody gets, and we’re not consistent about that at -all-.

13

wow! Marshmallows, espresso,good kitchen tools and bad puns? Dude, I am so coming to your cafe! Where are you?

Good job, BTW, on standing up to the assholes of the world. If more people would do it, I think there would be fewer assholes (or at least fewer people who are willing to trot out their assholishness at the slightest perceived provocation).

14

That OP made me stand up and cheer. Fuckin a right! The only think I’d suggest is that you let your waitstaff know that you have a no-nonsense attitude and they should let you know where there is a problem before they’re driven to tears by some asshole. Nothing is more satisfying then looking some smarmy jackhole in the eye while they’re carrying on and saying “Excuse me, this seems to be beyond what I can address for you. I’ll be back in a minute with the manager” and walk away.

15

The weird thing is, I’ve seen “How to grow rich” book advise people to haggle everywhere. This always struck me as odd. I just don’t see it working too many places.

Good for you for standing up for your staff. That is always a sign of a good boss.

16

Well, haggling can work a great many places, if done properly. I could see getting a deal from a restaurant if you either buy stuff for cheap that they were just about to trash anyway, or offer your services in exchange for food; for instance, if you work for an advertising place, you might try to offer a discount on advertising in exchange for a discount on food. But at no time at all should you attempt to bargain with the waitstaff. Any bargaining, at any place you try to do it, should be done with the highest possible person on the food chain.

17

quothz - Well done.

18

quothz: please allow me to apologize for my brother-in-law’s behavior. :wink:

19

Haggling over restaurant prices does happen. There’s a woman I work with who will proudly tell you that she rarely pays full price for anything and go into great detail about the substitutions and other changes she’ll make to a menu in order to to get a lower price. I don’t think it’s a money thing with her but more a matter of pride.

I’ve never actually seen her do it. For obvious reasons, none of us go to lunch with her.

20

quothz, consider yourself lucky that you haven’t been sued. If the guy had gotten even bruised, he could have had you arrested, and then sued you, even though he instigated it by being verbally abusive and confrontational.

It happened to someone I know. She got arrested, sued and lost her job.

You might be lucky that you don’t work for a big corporation.

IMHO, you behaved exactly the way you should, but that kind of behavior isn’t exactly rewarded anymore these days. Alas.