I haggled (successfully) in restaurants in north Africa, when I was a broke student (and tourist).
Sued, yeah, arrested, unlikely - he was trespassing as soon as he chose to not leave. And a suit would’ve opened him up to charges - verbal assault on a minor is a felony out here. I could’ve pressed charges on -him-, for either of those, and countersued for skating on the check. The waitress could’ve further sued him for emotional distress and all like that. These things work both ways, and if you find yourself living in fear of lawyers you only give them power.
Thanks for the support, everyone.
Postscript - he sure did talk to the owner, and it turns out she’s actually comped him before to get rid of him. He’s not well-remembered, and his claims that he’s a good customer elicited her snark-o-matic response that good customers pay for their meals. She did tell him he didn’t have to mail in a check if he promised to never so much as look in the window on his way by, although probably not in so many words.
Norinew, take the infamous left turn at Albuquerque and head south through the desert for an hour-or-so 'til you see a little town called Socorro, then find the plaza at the center of town. Look for the full-size neon palm tree and you’ll find yourself in front of Martha’s Black Dog, which is us, the oddest little cafe on the Rio Grande.
Lucky my ass, by the way. You think I rolled a d20 to select my job during character generation?
Between the OP and the gratuitous D&D reference in his last post, I think quothz is my new favorite poster.
That’s pretty much what I was thinking. 
Quothz, I agree with your sentiments. I worked retail very briefly, and became known as He Who Chases People Out. They haggle, they change the orders trying to trip you up, they insist they ordered something they didn’t, demand “special” changes that amount to a custom order, try to do a “fast change” on you and all sorts of things. Unfortunately, they think “the customer is always right” allows them to be shit heads. There is a reason so many places have a big sign, prominently displayed that says “We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone”. If this particular asshole has been a problem before, don’t even let him in. Tell him right away he isn’t welcome and that you’re calling the police if he doesn’t leave. Then point to your shiny new BIG sign.
**quothz **, you rock. It’s been a long while since I worked at the Dog, and too long since I’ve dropped by to see y’all, but it’s nice to know someone’s keeping the faith.
I only had one real asshole that I remember, but he was a prize. This was back when we still served beer and wine…
He’d had a few beers before he walked in, and since he wasn’t ordering food I told the waitress to cut him off after one drink. He didn’t like that, and as soon as I’d gone back to the kitchen after taking out an order, he started bitching. Loudly. At the poor girl waiting tables, at the other customers, at me, at the world in general.
When I got to the front, Megumi was in tears at the register, and he looked like he was trying to overturn the espresso machine (yeah right, that thing weighs about 250 lbs empty). I walked up next to him and gave him The Glare of Death. He turned and I simply said, “You need to leave. Now.” Sometimes, being 6’4" and 290 lbs is a good thing. He slammed a $5 on the counter, huffed at me, and walked to the door. He got the wrong door on the first try, and bounced off. On the second try, he slammed it hard enough I thought the glass was going to break.
He never came back on any of my shifts, but I heard through the grapevine that he managed to get kicked out of every bar in Socorro within a week.
I do remember telling someone that their coffee was on the house if they promised to never come back. That was another Starfucks snob who turned up their nose at our description of a cappuccino.
Even with the occasionaly asshat, I liked working at Martha’s - most of the people that went through there in my day were pretty mellow.
I’ve always been shocked that this doesn’t happen more often. In a busy restaurant, you could be long gone before your server ever realized that you had stiffed him.
When you consider the precautions that the big retailers make to deter and catch shoplifters, and the huge losses they claim to sustain from “shrinkage”, it seems remarkable that restaurants everywhere let you eat to your heart’s content before paying a dime and then put nothing between you and the door. Not only that, but the income of the server is dependent on the fact that people will not only pay their bills, but leave a bit extra.
Of course, I’m not sure what could be done about it that wouldn’t be prohibitively off-putting to the paying customers.
I think most expereinced servers can tell who likely dine and dash candidates are and keep an eye on them.
As if on cue, my boss just came over to brag about how on Sunday he was bitching out a server over portion size (the place is a national chain that probabably distributes everything in pre-measured packages). He didn’t seem to think there was anything odd about holding the waiter responsible, or that this was something that warranted being abusive and insulting (his natural state). Of course, this is the same guy who feels the appropriate way to order food in a crowded restaurant is whistle and shout for the waiter.
I just try to avoid eating with him if at all possible.
Psstt-
Hey quothz, thanks for introducing me to the Dope.
But it was Basandre who introduced me to the boards.
And keep up the good work. I know how appreciated it is.
hug
Don’t be so sure. I am a server by profession, and we really do pay a lot more attention than some crafty customers think we do.
It does suck when it happens, though. Some places, it can just be comped if someone dines and dashes, others, it comes out of the server’s bank. Those are the places where we pay very close attention to every table.
PS - quothz, you can come cook for my customers any time. It’s great to know there are people that still give a damn about respect for servers.
There is nothing wrong with asking for a discount, as long as you take any polite “no” as “NO” and drop it.
There is a local Pizza place- they have coupons everywhere. I dropped by- didn’t happen to have a coupon. I asked the MGR- “Hey- I’m a regular, but I forgot my coupon- can I have the discount anyway?” He had no problem with it. That’s “haggling” in a way, isn’t it?
But I DO like a boss that supports his employees. Kudos! 
I’m sorry, but this thread just brought into my mind:
[Monty Python]
No, Mongo, never kill a customer!
[/Monty Python]
Seriously, major props to quothz, these people need to be called on crap like this more often.
MaddyStrut, you work with my mother-in-law? 
Note to my wonderful husband:
I keed! I’ve never seen her do that in a restaurant.
Robin
I’m glad I didn’t post yesterday because I think I misunderstood the OP. I usually will take up the slack for the minority side whenever I believe its argument has merit. It struck me this morning that this is not a mere majority, but a unanimous consent. I reread the OP, particularly the portion about asking for the ingredients when it dawned on me that your recipes are proprietary and that only your owner has rights with respect to them. I wanted to diss you for singling out the Christianity aspect, except for the fact that you’re right. Jesus would be the first to cringe at those fish things and other such “Behold my righteousness!” symbols. So… I cannot choose but to join the others. Quothz, you do indeed rock.
Yeah, I hadn’t meant that as anything against Christians in general. Just this, specific couple, who are not serving as a good advertisement for the faith. While I can’t say I know of any specific doctrine or Biblical injunction against being jerks, I’m also not an expert. I’m kind of sorry I brought that point up, but I -was- pretty upset and venting in every direction.
For what it’s worth, a large percentage of our best customers are also regular church-going types, as are many of my friends, and several of our employees. Thanks for not getting offended, and taking that line in the spirit I’d intended it - a jab against a couple of individuals.
It seems to me (speaking as a former Christian) that this jerkish behavior would be addressed by “Love thy neighbor as thyself” and “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you”.
There are plenty of true Christians on the SDMB, and I don’t think any of them would take offense at your statement, as they have doubtlessly encountered this very brand of Christian themselves.
It truly is addressed by many instances of Jesus’ ministry. Hypocrisy was His favorite pinata.