But I nipped it in the bud.
The evil plan involved them becoming…
Armpit Titties!!!
Oh, I saw how they pretended to be perfectly content as chest dwelling boobies by day. Then at night, after I lay down, they would yearn for the pits. Not quite ready to become fullfledged, Pit Tits.
*“Aha!” *I said to my sneaky boobs. “How dare you even think about straying, after I’ve treated you so well.”
“You can’t wear lace and satin, if you live in the pits!”
“Is this about that studded, fake leather, strap thingy from a couple of years ago? I swear, it looked more comfortable in the catalog.”
“But, other than that one incident, I’ve pampered you and worn you proudly.”
So, I began my quest for Boobs Of Steel. Then a couple of days later decided Boobs of Steel, would be just as weird as Armpit Titties. So I settled for Boobs of Perky Firmness. Now they once again sit proudly upon my chest. And at night, point towards the ceiling instead of the pits.
For those of you who aren’t aware of the ways of boobs…
All non fake boobs that have any size to them will relax towards the side when the boob owner is on her back. Unless there’s a strict workout plan involved or as irishgirl mentioned, surgical intervention.
OTOH, armpit titties can occur in both men and women. And is visible when the wearer is standing. It’s that roll of fat that extends from the chest to the armpits.
Mine weren’t trying to hang off the sides, they just weren’t as firm as they once were and I didn’t notice it until I laid down.
Well, mine were reduced eight years ago, and they still go kinda sideways when I lay down. And kinda flat. It’s weird, but my SO loves them, so whatever. It’s just that they’re not big enough to become pit tits again. Yes, again. They were big.
They’re still remarkably perky. Hooray for plastic surgery!
I just wanna note that Pepper Mill’s units do not disappear into her armpits when she lies down, even after all this time. And she’s had no work done on them. They may perhaps relax that way somewhat, but not by much.
Pit tits beat perkless pendulums any day of the week. Breastages are so fickle. One year they’re your friend…the next year they look like something you dragged out of the GoodWill box.
Guys fully accept the influence gravity is going to have on boobs and, for the most part, have no problem with it… so long as it doesn’t include having little moon tits circling around the main tits.
[TMI]
If you want freaky, try pregnant boobs. I wasn’t aware until recently that sometimes they start performing their function (you know, producing milk) early. It took my husband a good 15 minutes to get me to stop running around the house yelling, “These aren’t supposed to work yet!” when I found out the hard way last weekend.
[/TMI]
And yes, gravity can sometimes be our enemy. But I’d rather have armpit boobs than the springboards produced by plastic surgery.
I introduced the UPS guy to the freakiness of pregnant boobs. I almost dropped the package he handed me, so I kind of clenched my arms to catch it. I looked down to see why my shirt was getting wet. When I looked up, his face was beet red, and his eyes were huge. Then he practically ran back to his truck. Poor guy.
What kind of exercises are you doing to perk them up? Mine are cumbersomely huge and gravity-obeying too. My husband loves them, but he doesn’t have to carry them around all day!
Lot’s of Butterfly Presses. One drawback is, it bulked up my armpit muscles. Although it looks good, I can’t wear cap sleeved tops anymore. I love cap sleeved tops. However, if I was brave enough, I can now wear a tube top without it making me looks like I have 2 sets of boobs.
Frankly, I’m a tad disappointed in my fellow Male Dopers. This post was put up on the boards almost 4 HOURS ago, and yet nobody has stepped up?? Shameful, I say. Here at the Straight Dope, we pride ourselves on being the kind of rugged individuals who see a need and throw themselves shamelessly in to create a solution.
cbawlmer, allow me to be the first to offer my humble services. I will be delighted, nay honored, to carry them around all day for you.
