First, they give me a bloody nose and now their plan is to distract me and cause me to get hit by cars.
They’ve always been big. Not nice big but sloppy, mantronly big. Still, they were just a part of my body and until recently an unobtrusive part of my body. Like my feet or my elbows only higher up. Until about 2 weeks ago. All of a suddenly they were there.
Right there just catching the corner of my peripheral vision. I keep stopping and looking to see what the hell is caught on my shirt and it’s my own boob. Do you know what it’s like to be walking briskly across Jericho Turnpike-- and you have to walk briskly or the motorist will kill you-- only to stop and do a pirouette looking for whatever it is that’s trying to attach itself to your shirt? You don’t? Well, I’ll tell you. It’s like some alien has sucked half of your brains out through your chest and now you are a clumsy, big boobied idiot, that’s what.
The real stupid part is that they have gotten smaller. Well, my bra has gotten smaller. Not in the cup (oh noooo, can’t have that now can we?) but in the band.
Oh they think they’re so smart, these boobies. What they don’t know is just as soon as I have a few thousand dollars I’m gonna cut them down to size. Unless they kill me first.
But you see, they DO know! {cue music - “morning” section of William Tell Overture}
Boobies. Just hanging around, minding their own business. Men worldwide are happier just for being near them. And should they see them?? What Joy! But now, they sense dange. Oh no! They must defend themselves! They are fighting for their very survival!
{cue “Lone Ranger” section of William Tell Overture}
When Boobies Attack, part Deux. This time, it’s personal!
Won’t your insurance cover it? Boobs of that magnitude are unhealthy and therefore not a cosmetic, elective surgery. You might want to look into it. In the meantime, whip them and tell them to “stay!”
Me, at least 5 pounds. Probably more like 5 pounds apiece. These puppies are heavy! I probably would have been sucked some life outta them by now if I wasn’t deathly afraid of, you know, somebody taking a knife to me while I sleep.
Why did they all of a sudden decide to make guest appearances out the corner of my eyes? It’s just too weird.
I lost about two pounds when I had MINE reduced. I went from a D to an A, but keep in mind that I am EXTREMELY short, so that D was as out of proportion on me as a E might be on you.
You have to watch out for boobies. They’re tricky. They mess with your head. Mine decided to become way too big apparently just for laughs, since nobody else on either side of my family was similarly endowed. I’ve got them tamed down now, though…or I THINK I do.
[south park]
you know, I never noticed it before, but that girl Bebe is kinda cool.
[/south park]
Yep, boobs have the power to destroy society. But don’t feel that you’re a slave to them. They’re yours! Embrace them! Feel their power! It’s time you went out and rented Deadly Weapons with Chesty Morgan. Then you will see what you have at your command!
Probably, they’ve always been in the corner of your eye and you’ve gotten used to filtering them out. Now that you’ve started losing weight, they’ve shifted, and are in a different area of your periphreal vision, where you’re not used to seeing things.
What Miller said - I betcha they’re perking up as you’re slimming down. Readjusting themselves on your personal landscape. They’re probably trying to burst free so they can take a look at the world for themselves, but once you open that door, there’s no turning back & you have to move to France.
My boobage has been out of control for the last couple of months as I’m now pregnant, just found out I’m carrying twins. Speed bumps are now a major enemy of mine. I don’t know how many D’s they’ll put in a bra but apparently I’ll be needing a whole string of them.
Totally off topic, but I just had to mention that After reading the thread title this morning, I had this song from the 80’s, Simply Red’s “Money’s Too Tight to Mention”, running through my head with the lyrics:
