My brother fucks...A LOT.

The title pretty much says it all. My brother has more ho’s than swiss cheese. He lays more pipe than New York Plumbing, Inc.
The point is, when do I worry about the guy? Do I worry about him at all? We are roomates, so I see that he buys condoms by the truckload, and I also see all the “young ladies” that are at our house every night.
It doesn’t bug me or anything, I just can’t help but think should it? There’s like this nagging sensation that it should bug me, but it doesn’t.
There’s just something weird about the whole situation that I can’t put my finger on.
Any thoughts?


“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

do you think it may be the fact that he isn’t sharing? :smiley: just kidding!


I don’t suffer from insanity…
I enjoy every minute of it!

This one’s tricky, because he’s not only your roommate, he’s your brother. FWIW, I roomed with a blonde head-swivelling goddess who happily “hostessed” different guys at least 2 nights out of 7. She was a great friend. But the concern for her personally, not to mention issues of my privacy, didn’t make it easy.

How old is your brother? Is this a phase or a syndrome? There are actually 2 issues:

  1. your privacy
  2. his morals

Sorry, this is a klunker non-answser. But if your gogglement over his quantity vs quality is the problem, then you may have some real talking to do, or just learning to ignore it and live with it.

Best of luck, no matter what.
Veb

Just a thought - if you’re wondering about whether you should worry, then you’re probably already worrying on some level. Sounds to me like time for a chat.

How old is your brother? Where does he “entertain” his lady friends, is he discreet or is there a lot of noise day and night? Do his guests stay overnight? If he’s real young, do you think he knows what he should about venereal diseases which a condom doesn’t protect against? See, I would be uneasy if I were in your situation, especially regarding the slutty behavior of a family member. Moving out or getting another room mate is no guarantee the same thing won’t happen, just watch “Loveline” for a week to see room mate problems! But if it was my brother, I would have a little talk if his ho-ing made me uncomfortable.

I can’t resist saying, I can now just psychically channel the thoughts of the majority of the male posters on this board, namely, “Way to go, dude, what’s your secret, you lucky so and so!!”

Hey, that’s exactly what I meant by this

The question is: How do you talk to someone about what you don’t understand yourself?

And Veb, babe, thanks for the advice, you don’t mind if I call you “babe” do you? To answer your questions, he is a lil over a year an a half older than me. We were close babies. Also, I don’t think it’s a phase, he’s always been into chasing skirt all over the place, it has just increased recently with his new job and nice car.

I think that what bugs me is this:
I think so highly of him. He’s my big brother and we are as close as two men can be. He’s my brother, and I would die for him. So when I see him with all this riff-raff all the time, I seem to be thinking “What are you doing with that crack-whore? You can do a lot better than that, man. If you want to sleep with a lot of women, why not sleep a lot of hot, smart women. There are plenty of them that like to sleep around, too. It’s the 00’s, man, so it’s okay for women to explore their sexuality without having to worry about being called a ‘slut’ or even older a ‘trollop’ or such.”
I just think that I don’t think that none of these girls are good enough for the guy. It seems to me like he’s wasting his time on these chics, and don’t give me any of the “looks aren’t everything, maybe he likes these girls for their personality” shit, becasue he could have deeper conversations with a box of rocks.
My girlfriend and I don’t even double-date with him anymore, which is sad, because we spend the whole evening wanting to back-hand his date every time she opens her mouth while he has this sheepish grin on his face that says to me “I know she’s an idiot, but I like fucking her, for the moment.”
And that sucks, man. Then we go home and have to listen to them fuck all night? No big deal when you’re gettin’ jiggy wid it in your own room, but when you’re tryin to sleep it sucks to your assmar.

Oh yeah, and Veb? Your roomate was gettin’ her sex on 2 nights a week?
This machine is at it like 3-6, with an average of 4.5!
.5=quickie.

“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

I think you’ve described really well what bothers you most. So if your brother won’t feel too ruffled by a direct approach, you could try saying something like this:

“Dude, you mean the world to me, but I can’t understand why you’re spending your time with ho’s when you’re a successful guy who deserves better. Why not try for a hot, smart woman?”

That at least might open some dialogue without putting him too much on the defensive. No guarantees of course that you’ll be able to change his behavior, but maybe if he understands how much it’s bugging you he’ll change a bit.

Could be, too, that something’s bothering him, and that bother is manifesting itself in his sleeping around with airhead chicks. In that case, your opening a discussion might help him vent, and then settle down.

It’s your call, Lexicon, whether you can live with things the way they are. But if he were my brother, I’d talk to him soon.

Damn, Lexicon, I’d really hoped for a quicky answer for you–as far as “answers” go on computer bb’s.

Sounds like you’re in a similar situation, with the degree of concern ratched up by a power of X. With my friend, the concern wasn’t just moral/philosphical. I kept wanting to smack her upside the head for wasting herself as a convenient sex toy for losers, passersby and strangers. She wasn’t just beautiful; she was kind, bright, funny and gifted with a huge heart. Purely sensual joy is one thing; masking the real person in favor of faceless, joyless gland rubbing is another.

Wish like hell I had an answer for you, Lexicon, truly do. But I don’t. FWIW, I don’t know what I think about sex addiction as a syndrome, save that it’s a label for pure old human funk and fear.

You’ve already started the process of helping your brother. He has a void somewhere inside. You’re already drawing the line between mindless sensation and human interaction. He’s older, but he may–or may not–welcome familial friendship from you.

Purely don’t have an answer for you, but the best you can do (in my experience) is live your life, listen, tell the truth as you see it and be a friend anyway.

Veb
(PS: speaking of aphrorisms–in another thread entirely–we’re all our brothers’ keepers, but that does not mean you can solve anyone else’s problems. Nothing tougher than tough love.)

I’ve only ever done “it” with 7 1/2 women (1/2=midget) so I don’t get what your brother’s deal is. However, if he’s got the gift who are we to stand in his way. If the noise he is making bothers you and your SO you might mention that to him, but he knows exactly what he’s getting into. It doesn’t look like he’s getting himself into anything too deep. A li’l p* here and a li’l p* there a few times a week? Shit. Ask any blues singer and (s)he’ll tell ya’ that’s what it’s all about. He’ll cool out when he’s ready. If it bothers you in the mean time, you’ve got the option of confronting him and getting something resolved about it or moving the hell out. I get the impression that you have a greater respect for your fellow man (read women) than he does. He could give a shit less apparently, so can you live with this in the house or not?

I don’t really mind the noise, it’s just that when
A) I’m trying to sleep
or
B) SO and I are trying to have a conversation or just snuggle or something that normal, intimate couples do since there is more to a relationship and to sharing your life with someone than animal-sex.
I get pissed. It has nothing to do with the principal of the sex thing, it has to do with common fucking courtesy. If I know my brother has to work the next day, or if he is otherwise in need of peace and quiet, I don’t play my stereo so loud that he can hear it. It’s along the same lines that if he is taking the skin-boat to some random hoochie’s Tuna-town, he shouldn’t have the slightest compunction in putting a pillow over her face if “Shut-up,(girl’s name), my brother’s trying to sleep 20 feet away.”
It can’t be that good can it? I have heard porno screams from the girls I have been with before, but a little couth please? It wasn’t during a time that we weren’t totally alone. I guess it just speaks volumes as to the character of these chics.


“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

Inertia: Uh, what was that “midget” crack about? A joke? I don’t get it, I’m humor-impaired tonight…

The thing that I think should be mentioned more here is the risk STDs. When a guy is doing it that much, the risks are higher. And condoms are not 100% foolproof. With his track record…sounds like he is definitely at risk. And the girls he’s bringing home don’t sound like they are blushing virgins…so…I know I am being a bummer here, but it’s not like I’m bringing up anything here that the rest of you are not aware of.

Anyway, that is totally the first thing I thought of when I read the OP. Yikes! Risk of disease! Yikes yikes yikes.

And, yes, there is something depressing about a bright guy basically “using” a series of airhead women for their bodies - the fact that the women are more than willing doesn’t make it less depressing to me.

I can empathize with your bro gettin laid a lot. After all im the BIG BAD BOOTY DADDY. If ya’ll ladies close your eyes right now and imagine the perfect man, well that’s me! You see, when a lady takes my hand, I take her to love land. And when the ladies are looking for action, I give them satisfaction. And when they slip–under the cover, they know that i’ll be–their righteous lover. So all you guys that are workin hard to be like “The show stoppin, cherry poppin, booty daddy,” GIVE IT UP!

<Lexicon wishing this was a live discussion in a room, in person>
So I could say
“Mike, if you ever respond to anything I say again, I’ll kick your ass to Sunday. I oughtta give you a beatin’ on principle. Don’t ever post in my thread again or I will will rip you limb from limb. Bitch.”

Too bad. Now all I can do is sit here seething with helpless rage and think
“Uhhahgah! I fuckin’ hate that guy! Please, oh please, merciful father, let that guy come into my bar so I can beat him like a side of beef. PLEASE!”


“Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.”

Ya know what Lex? It is probably a lot worse for you to be discussing your brother’s life on a message board without his knowledge than the fact that he’s a whorehound. I’m sure he wouldn’t appreciate it. I know I wouldn’t. The fact that you are looking for topics to shock the general board with is stupid, cause you can’t shock these people so you are wasting your time.


I’ve learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it.

Jeez ultress, read the OP again, would you? He’s worried about his brother. And it’s not like he’s posting names and pictures.

Lexicon doesn’t have a habit of posting “shocking” topics, as far as I know. Perhaps you’re confusing him with one of the latest additions to the board…


Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk


"You know how complex women are"

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

First, I would wonder what he is saying to the women. Im pretty sure women like to think they are the only ones. Hmmm. Won’t be long before one of them throws a brick thru his tv I suppose. Doesn’t it always happen that way?

Also, condoms aren’t going to protect from HIV forever. They are better than nothing. Plus there is herphes, HPV, etc. But then who knows what hes doing in the room with them?

I think Michael has been watching a bit too much wrestling (rasslin’ to him I am sure). That last bit is almost completely from Scott Steiner (aka, Big Pappa Pump).

Michael, please be more original in the future. It is lame when he says it and it is lame and stupid when you say it.

Jeffery

Lex:

Two thoughts, neither one of them Nobel prize-winners:

  1. His behavior is a result of your having an SO. You mentioned this didn’t happen before – is your getting an SO correlated with his novel behavior?

  2. Insecurity. He’s got a new job, huh? Pressure job? Challenging job? Maybe his sexual behavior is his way of taking control over one aspect of his life (gonads) because he feels control has not been gained in another (work).

If either one of these sound plausible, then you have grounds for a chat.

Eissclam.

Lex: I realize it doesn’t fix all the problems in this picture, but I’d say it would be a really, really good idea if you moved out.

You’ve got a big brother you worship and are a bit worried about, and you’ve got a roommate who’s extremely inconsiderate. They’re both the same guy, and having him be the locus of both problems confuses the issue(s) considerably.

It’s easier to deal with these things one at a time, IMO, without your attempts to deal with one problem (your concerns about your brother) to be laden with whatever irritation you have at him because you can’t get any sleep, you and your GF don’t have a quiet place to go home to, etc.

I’m not sure whether you need to talk with your brother about his behavior (if it goes on for years, maybe), but this way you’d be able to take your time, figure out whether you need to say something, what you want to say and how to say it, without anything else putting extra spin on the situation.

PS - thanks, salinqmind, for channeling my thoughts! :stuck_out_tongue: