My brother is an irresponsible fuckhead

[Guinastasia]

@Clothahump

DellieM, you have my sympathy. In 1975, I wound up throwing my brother out of my parents’ house because he was high and drunk and abusive toward everyone. I told him that when he got his shit together, he had a brother waiting for him who would help, but until then, he could go fuck himself.

Two years later, I had to bury him. He showed up at my parents’ house two days before his 38th birthday, high and drunk, and attacked my father. My mother had to shoot him to protect Dad’s life.

You’re doing the right thing by getting a whole lot of gone between you and him.

JESUS! Oh good god, as Dio, what a horror for your parents-especially your mother. Damn, I’m so sorry.

(I’ll have to remember how lucky I am the next time my sister gets on my nerves)

[Euphonious_Polemic]

It strikes me DellieM, that he is not really a brother. You did not grow up with him, really do know know much about him - until 9 weeks ago he lived across the country.’ You’ve described him in the post as a half- brother; really the two of you simply have no more in common than children from a common sperm donor. You really don’t need to think of him as “family”, and given his behaviour, there is no need whatsoever to put up with any (more) shit.

[maggenpye]

What a good outcome, DellieM. I hope for his sake he continues that brief foray into the Land Of Adult Responsibility.

Please do continue with the changing of the locks, phone numbers etc. He can send you an Xmas card, maybe, next year and tell you all his wonderful news about his new life far away from you.

[The_Devil_s_Grandmother]

@Euphonious_Polemic

You’ve described him in the post as a half- brother; really the two of you simply have no more in common than children from a common sperm donor.

Ova donor, I think. They share a mum, not a dad.

[Mellivora_capensis]

@Clothahump

DellieM, you have my sympathy. In 1975, I wound up throwing my brother out of my parents’ house because he was high and drunk and abusive toward everyone. I told him that when he got his shit together, he had a brother waiting for him who would help, but until then, he could go fuck himself.

Two years later, I had to bury him. He showed up at my parents’ house two days before his 38th birthday, high and drunk, and attacked my father. My mother had to shoot him to protect Dad’s life.

You’re doing the right thing by getting a whole lot of gone between you and him.

Holy fuck! :eek:

Sorry to hear about that, Clothahump.

[pantheon]

@Maastricht

ASP’s don’t change. Cut him loose, and change your locks.

As an active addict/alcoholic, I fit all seven criteria and more. I did change, but it took a long time and didn’t happen until I decided to do it for myself.

I would not, and do not, begrudge anyone who cut me off during my active usage. I would even counsel DellieM to do the same. Roughly 1 in 20 addicts/alcoholics stay clean/sober for even a year…the other 19 continue like her brother and some even like Clothahump’s. I understand this rate of recovery/recidivism to be almost independent of treatment or on-your-own.

If he continues to demonstrate hopeful signs (like not arguing about his misdoings, repaying money owed, keeping a job, etc.) then you might want to keep in contact without endangering or over-extending yourself, and perhaps even offer limited support if he wants help (i.e. if the drinking is an issue). By limited I mean rides to 12-step meetings/counseling and somebody to talk to when sober.

Regardless of his actions now, I would stop the bleeding on any financial support, or loaning car/letting him live off you in anyway. If alcoholism is his problem, putting your foot down and not enabling him may be the kindest and most helpful thing you can do for him, until he’s ready to do for himself.