My brother is in the hospital again. (Long, with stupid family stuff)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My brother, Chicken (his honest-to-goodness nickname) is 18 months younger than me. We are two very different people. Chicken started smoking, drinking and do various drugs in high school. He cultivated a close circle of friends that pushed the envelope on juvenile delinquency. *You’re not in trouble until you get caught * I was the serious, studious, straight-laced stick-in-the-mud.

Over the past 24 months, Chicken has been hospitalized twice with heart problems. He is only 28 but he has done decades worth of damage to his body. After the first episode, I hoped that my sibling would change his ways. Our father was an alcoholic, and it looked like Chicken was going down the same path. Also, Chicken has a son, a very good reason to clean up. The second episode told me that Chicken had not learned his lesson. I was disappointed with my brother. He valued “getting wasted” more than his life, or the impact his behavior had on his child. (My best friend is the mother of Chicken’s kid. We met when they were dating. I didn’t blame her for leaving my brother and we remained friends.)

Last night, our mother called me. She was in tears; my brother was in the hospital again. According to Mother, he “had an adverse reaction to his heart medication.” I couldn’t help but wonder if this reaction was caused by illicit pharmaceuticals.

Chicken has no health insurance and is behind on child support. It angers me to see him spend money on booze, drugs and concert tickets. His son is 10 years old and idolizes him. My nephew has had behavioral issues at school, and I think that his father’s lifestyle may have something to do with this. * Having a good time is important to Dad. Why can’t I do what I want?*

Mother and I are driving down to see Chicken tonight. I have a deep desire to tell him that he’s stupid and selfish.

2

Is it bad that my first thought was “what has the idiot done to himself this time”?

3

Is it bad that my first thought was Heh, maybe Mouse_Maven’s mother will see who the good child is now?

4

That’ll never happen. :stuck_out_tongue: Chicken has the higher IQ. (Maybe not, I’m sure his recreational activities have killed off a few brain cells.)

I was talking to a friend this morning.
“Your mother is crazy. Your brother is his own worst enemy. How did you manage to be so level headed?”
“I guess one of us had to be for all of us to live this long.”

Right now, I wish my fucked up gene pool would just go away.

5

I’ll admit, when I started reading this I thought "I didn’t know Mouse Maven had two brothers… . This is what your mother holds over your head as being so super-intelligent? Abuses alcohol and drugs? Can’t manage to pay child support?

And you are willingly putting yourself in the car with your mother to go see him? This just may be the straw that puts some distance between you and your mother. I wish you luck and you must tell us all about it when you get back.

6

Mother once said, “Throughout history there have been very intelligent men who turned to drugs and alcohol to alleviate their boredom. For example: Sherlock Holmes.” :rolleyes: I wish I was making this up!

Chicken lives about 100 miles south of Denver. If gas prices weren’t so high, I’d drive by myself. Don’t be surprized if there is a “I gave Mother $50 and left her at the bus station” thread soon.

I wonder how many kids have threatened to pull the car over because of their annoying parents?

7

raises hand

In my case, my dad was telling me (yet again) how to drive and what I was doing wrong and look-out-for-that!. I looked at him and said, “If you don’t like the way I drive, I can pull over and we’ll switch places.”

He hasn’t said a word about my driving since then. Of course, he’s also halfway across the country and I don’t drive him around much anymore, but I prefer to view it as a victory.

8

I work with a cardiologist. We talked about my brother’s symptoms and he said that Chicken may need a heart transplant. :eek:

Well, now I have to pick up The Crazy Harpy and drive to the Land of Ted Haggard.

Eccentric mother, driving to a town with a Reputation to see an ill relative, have I stumbled into a LifeTime Network movie? (I’ll be happy with a SciFi channel film. Zombie Evangelicals would be more fun.)

9

I know it’s hard, but please don’t stress yourself out with this too much.
I hope things get better for your brother soon.
But you are having a good pregnancy so far and would hate for the stress of what he has brought on himself doesn’t weigh too much on you.
You just don’t need it right now.

Don’t mean for that to sound rude about that you should be thinking more of yourself at this moment, but from what you said he brought it on himself and isn’t likely to change quickly.

I’ll send along positive thoughts that it’s as stressfree as can be fore you and your family and that your brother starts to realise a change is in order.

10

You too?

Dad was on the copilot’s seat. He kept saying I was too far to the right. Finally I stopped in the shoulder, turned to him and said “no, Dad, it’s your eyes that are farther to the right than usual! Now let the driver do the driving!”

He thought, looked at everything and said “you’re right.” Closest he ever came to apologizing to one of his children for anything.

11

My brother is out of the hospital. He called me while I was going to pick up Mother. I was happy to hear his voice and know that Chicken’s goose hasn’t been cooked. I was relieved that he was OK with us delaying our visit until the weekend. A monster thunderstorm passed through southern Colorado yesterday afternoon and there were flash flood warnings.

Mother is a whole different issue. She wanted to see her son that night and was angry that I was unwilling to drive. (Mother has her own car. She just wanted someone to share the gas cost.) After this conversation, I moved on with my usual routine.

Last night, I decided to take a shower before bed. While I was washing my hair, Mouse_Spouse came into the bathroom. “Your mom called your cell phone and left a message, hon.” He set my electronic leash on the bathroom counter. I start rinsing my hair and hear Spouse’s phone ring, followed by Spouse’s footsteps as he rushes to get it.
“Who was it?” I yell.
“You’re mom again. I missed the call.”
Fuck. I start drying off. While I’m doing this, my phone rings again. Since I was still wet, I just let it ring. Sorta dry and mostly dressed, I check my phone – Mother had called again.

Taking a deep breath, I call her back.
“Where were you?” Mother’s question sounded more like an accusation.
“In the shower, it took me a few minutes to get out. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I guess. There are some things going on.”
I’m getting pissed. Three calls in less than 5 minutes indicates an emergency to me. “Do any of these things have anything to do with Chicken’s health?”
“No, not really. I don’t want to burden you.”
“Fine. Good night.”

I hang up, turn the phone off, and swear a blue streak. Mother has an annoying habit of calling multiple times. When I don’t answer, she calls Mouse_Spouse. Recently, she called me five times and Spouse three within an hour. We were on a hike and out of range of any cell tower. Why did she call so many times? An email she sent me was sent back. ::rolleyes::

Since my brother’s health has been touchy, I though the calls last night were about him. Exhausted, physically and emotionally, the last thing I wanted was a verbal run-around. This morning, Mother sent me an email.

Well fuck me sideways. I’m an ungrateful child. :rolleyes:

12

Nice metric for measuring being a good mother there… :rolleyes:

Now we know why there was a monster thunderstorm… you can’t lie like that and not expect lightning somewhere nearby.

13

No joke. Let’s ignore the fact that she gave up custody of me and my brother when I was 10 and I spent many, many years in therapy.

Heehee! Your hot air is contributing to Global Climate Change, Mother!

I’ve estranged myself from my mother before. It looks like I need to do it again. I can’t be what she wants and she isn’t good for me.

14

I have to admit, while my mother is a lot more normal and stable than your mother is, there are times when she calls that I cringe when I pick up the phone. Sometimes I need a little breathing room. For example, she called me a couple of weeks ago and lectured me (for reasons I’m not going to tell you about now). One of the things she was mad about was that I hadn’t called her in two weeks. Two weeks didn’t seem that long to me. But, I’ve called her every couple of days since then. (I just had a whirlwind cycle of job interviews–so I called her every time I set up another interview, and after most of them, and when I got to a motel for the night, etc. I need to call her today, since yesterday’s calls were of the “can’t chat, need to keep driving, but I don’t want to worry you” type. )

But your mother really needs to get some perspective–it is not always possible to answer the phone immediately. The great thing about a cell phone is that it tells you who called and when, so that you can contact them at your convenience–which may not be theirs, which is why the term “phone tag” was coined.

If you truly hated your mother, I think your relationship would be a lot simpler. As it is, I have the feeling that you do love her, don’t always like her, and find her very stressful to interact with. Rudeness to one’s mother is not nice, but is not proof that one believes one’s mother to be a rotten mother, or a rotten human being.

Best wishes for your brother’s health, your mental health, and for your trip to visit your brother–whether it involves your mother or not.