My brother Tim just died. Hugs welcomed.

We shared a rented house in Southsea, Portsmouth, England, since November 2000. I’m here now, using his computer, since mine died several days ago, and I’m smoking his rolling tobacco.
He has 3 children from a now-divorced marriage;Christopher 14, Nicholas 10, Hannah 8. They and his ex-wife Helen live nearby. He had them over here every Saturday. They’re hectic and infuriating but I love them :slight_smile:
Several months ago a friend Lisa, moved in for 2 weeks as she’d taken a job transfer from Lowestoft, Suffolk (South-East England) and been bumped on accomodation. She ended up staying and they fell in love and got engaged.
It was not an easy relationship. It was intensely problematical. It stressed Tim to fuck. Tim was 33. Lisa is 28. Tim has been around the block more than a few times, Lisa has not.
They had decided to go back to Lowestoft together. Lisa missed her homeland very badly, and had successfully applied for a good job over there. Tim had handed in his notice in order to go with her. There are many vacancies for surface mount tech jobs over there and Tim is very good at this. He had sent off a spat of speculative applications, and as an ex-chef had a shoo-in as a chicken boner for Bernard Matthews if all else failed as a short term rent-payer.
Many times had I sat up with Tim drinking scotch as he agonised over the relationship problems and whether he was doing the right thing.
That’s just a shallow snapshot. Here’s the crunch. Last night I heard that Lisa had gone back to Wales with an old flame that she had known since childhood. Last night I had the last ever brotherly chat with him that I will ever have. He explained that he had said to her, go to Wales for a break with your old flame, and if you don’t want to come back, then ok.
He said to me that he felt totally at peace. He loved her no matter what, and if she came back well great; if she didn’t, then ok - the situation was resolved. He was SO at peace. We drank some Famous Grouse port conditioned scotch(GBP13.99 on offer at Sainsbury’s).
Tuesday morning he left for work before I got up. I got up and opened a bill that he hadn’t paid for GBP128. This is a LOT for me. I had been paying faithfully my share of the bills for this rented house. I freaked out. I thought many bad things all day. I contacted him eventually at GMT 15.00 and learned that it was a bank fuckup and he had sorted it. I felt ashamed, tho not too much, and put it down to experience. Ok, money has been a bad factor and his fiancee has bumped me majorly before. I felt a wash of relief and went to work.
Now the bad stuff.
I had a call at work a couple of hours later from my mother. Tim has collapsed with a massive asthma attack and is in intensive care. I flee work and am driven by another workmate (at the approval of my shift manager) to the local hospital.
Sequence of events :
15:00 - I make peace with my brother about a financial matter that was bugging me to almighty fuck, and resolve it instantly.
16:00 - Tim calls mother and has a chat. no problem.
Shortly after : mother gets a call. She hears “Tim…Ambulance” and no more. She calls an ambulance, grabs her niece, Rachel, (10, by my surviving brother, Nigel) and races round there. Mother has forgotten her key. She shoves Rachel thru the window and Rachel opens the front door. Ambulance arrives. En route to the hospital (MINUTES AWAY) he stops breathing. They apply drugs. They don’t work. His heart stops breathing. They apply heart-activation-shit. This continues at the hospital. at GMT 18.29 my brother is declared dead.
At some fucking time I arrive. I don’t know he’s dead. All times are approximate. We hug etc. A while later a doctor and nurse arrive and ask us to sit down. At this point I know he’s dead. They tell us he’s dead. Their professaionalism and compassion is impossible to describe. Anyone that impunes the NHS can suck my dick.
Time passes. We walk several yards. There is his body. There is his beard and his earring. I don’t know what earring it was. There is his body.
HE IS NOT IN IT.
My beloved Tim, has left his body. He’s gone. He’s buggared off, he’s scarpered. He is an ex-Tim.
Ok, here’s the religious bit.
I know he isn’t dead.
But he isn’t here any more.
I stroke his beard, I kiss his forehead. He is dead.
I will never ever hear him say “butt-fuck” any more. I will never ever see that cynical crook of his eye-brow.
FUCK I have seen his vacated SHELL and it’s never going to get up and make a snide(loving) comment about my scotch-gut EVER EVER again.
Whatever you believe, there was only ever one MY TIM, and there will never be another in this life.
ever ever ever
I can’t ever have him back EVER
oh CRAP
I haven’t said a fraction of it.
Why are you lying there dead, you git???
Get the fuck up right now.
Except you can’t cos you’re dead.
I’m done.

It’s all ok.

It really is.

But I want him back so bad.

Love to all.

Well I’m so very sorry to hear that. My condolences.

Zette

{{{{{{TPW}}}}}}

How very sad - there are no words. I’m so sorry.

Michelle

(((((((((( TPWombat ))))))))))))

I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

{TPWombat}

I’m sorry for your loss.

Uh, I’ve never lost anyone that close, so I don’t know what else to say.

I’m sorry.

You’re in my thoughts TPWombat, as are your brother’s children. I’m so sorry for your loss.

bella

Heaven help you.
And your family.

You and your family have my deepest condoloences. This is a terrible loss for all of you.

Big major hugs here.

And I’m calling my sisters tonight, they won’t know or care why, but I have a sudden urge to know every damn thing that happened with their day today. Right down to who broke up with who and who’s got a crush on god knows what.

Aw, shit, I’m crying, more hugs…

Damn.

My heart goes out to you, pal.

God, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry for you.

:frowning:

Hugs to you.

I am so sorry, ** TPWombat **. Words aren’t going to help, NOTHING is going to help for a time. Please know that I care and I ache for your pain…I’ll be praying for you and your family.

If you want to talk, or vent, or cry on my shoulder, please PLEASE don’t hesitate. Scotticher@aol.com

This may not help, but I truly believe that love lives on beyond goodbye. Your brother will live on in your heart forever.

Much Love,

Cheri

I’m sorry for your troubles. Please take care of yourself.

Oh no.

OhnoohnoohnoohNooooo…
I have no words to express my sorrow. My deepest sympathy and heartfelt condolences to you and family. I really have no other words, and these I just typed are empty enough.

I am just so, so sorry.

**TPWombat **, I am so very sorry to hear about your brother Tim. Though you did not ask for prayers, I hope you don’t mind if I pray for you and your family. Again I’m so very sorry and I offer my condolences to you and your family.

:frowning:

((((TPWombat))))

((((TPWombat))))

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, and will keep you, and your family, in my thoughts.

Take care of yourself, and each other.

~V