Several times on this board, I’ve told you about the woman who was my best friend starting back in kindergarten. She’s always been pretty frail and has worn leg and, I think, back braces all her life. She also has Tourette’s Syndrome and, I realized last winter, despite my attempts at denial, she is mentally below average. She is, nevertheless, a genuinely nice person and a lot of fun, although she’s extremely fearful. We were best friends from kindergarten until the summer between our sophomore and junior years of high school, when she had a nervous breakdown. When I moved back to town, we resumed our friendship, although, for the sake of my own mental health, I couldn’t afford the same closeness. I wish I had been able to give it to her.
Last night, while I was getting ready for the guys to come over to watch the election coverage, my mother called. She’s had a stroke. Now, HJay was already at my place and, since his wife had a series of ministrokes 2 years ago and a major one a few months later, I have some idea of what’s involved, but not much. The two of them were visiting Maine when the mini-strokes happened and living there when the major one did. I also admit that, if I’d thought about it, I would have realized I’d probably out-live my old friend. Her health problems are simply too great. She’s doing all right, I’m told, and my mother gave her mother my e-mail address, so I should know what’s going on. I may go to the hospital tonight or this weekend, depending on what’s going on. I’ll also add her to my church’s prayer list. Nevertheless, I’m pretty down this morning, as I was last night.
If you could please keep her in your prayers/good thoughts, I’d appreciate it. My friendship with her shaped who I am, both good and bad, including my tendency to go tilting at windmills and to stick up for and speak for those who others put down. I am a better Christian because of her, even though, if I’m brutally honest with myself, I paid a terrible price for being her friend. She was worth it! Dear God, she still is. I don’t want her to be in pain or afraid. She’s had too much of that in her life. She was happy! The e-mails I’ve gotten from her recently have spoken of doing things with her church and going on vacation. Her problems are too severe for her to hold a 9-5 job or have anything you or I might consider a normal life, and, for a while, I felt guilty because I have a lot of things she’ll never have, but then I realized she really is happy and secure in her life. I want her to have that back.
I’m a foolish idealist, to the point where I worry HJay and that gentleman I’ve been seeing because I will run myself too low for another person. I’ve got better about not doing that, but my old friend may be an exception. I’d give anything for her to be whole, by her standards, but all I can do is pray, visit, and ask others to keep her in their thoughts. She’s a good person (although my standards tell me that those the world does not call “good” deserve and need prayers, too). I know there are millions of good people we know nothing about lying in hospitals trying to recover, and objectively, I can’t tell you why you should pray for one rather than another, nor do I believe God tallies up prayers and only gives help to the ones with the most people and/or prayers. I can only tell you that this friend is an exception to me. She’s kind, gentle, meek, and timorous. As far as I know, she’s incapable of cruelty, even toward those who showed her cruelty. She’s a better person than I am. She deserves a better life and, perhaps, before this happened, she had one. She’s also well cared for, but she’s also my friend and I didn’t want this to happen to her. She’s only just 40.
Thanks for letting me ramble,
CJ