I found out yesterday from my ex that his aunt passed away. I have not seen her in many, many years. In fact I think the last time was at my ex mother in laws funeral about ten years ago. I took the children to their grandmothers viewing and to the church services but they were young then and even with that I sort of hung back and let the kids be with their dad. Even then I thought their father should have picked them up and taken them but he was making no plans or effort so I took them.
Their great aunt has been in an assisted care home for many years now. The kids used to go and see her about once every two months or so when she first went there and when their dad had them on the weekends. The visits stopped several years ago though when the kids stopped seeing their dad every other weekend. They were pretty close to her before she went in though. She was never married or had any kids of her own so her great neices and nephews meant a lot to her.
My daughter was pretty upset that she had not seen her in so long but she did tell me that her dad told her she had dementia pretty bad so in the long run maybe it was a good thing. She can remember her great aunt as she was and not in a confused state.
I am not really sure what to do. I have not seen or really had anything to do with his side of the family for many years and he was not really good at going to family gatherings, he is very introverted, so the kids don’t know any of them very well. He always made excuses not to go and the kids did not really want to go either. The rest of the family knew each other well and they always felt like strangers.
I want to be there for my children but I am thinking they are old enough now, 17 and 19, to get together with their dad to go to the viewing at the funeral home and to go to the services at the church if they want to do that too.
I don’t want to appear as if I don’t care they lost their great aunt but I think this is something they should do with him and not with me.
Now I admit I don’t like funerals and I have not been to one in many years. Even with three friends passing away last year I did not go. I would rather remember them as they were the last time I saw them. I would go if it was family but I don’t consider this aunt family. I know that sounds harsh but that is the way I feel. We have been divorced for seventeen years now. I left that side a long time ago.
The kids have a pretty good relationship with their dad. Our daughter more than our son but they are both comfortable with him.
I am not sure if I am looking for advice or just venting to get it out so I can think about what to do more clearly. I suppose I should go for at least an hour to one of the viewings but truth be told I really don’t want to. I feel like such a horrible person for not wanting to go.