My sister and I wear about the same size clothing. She seems to think that she can borrow my clothes whenever she wants without asking. But it’s not just borrowing. She’ll wear the clothes, wad them up in a ball, and then throw them all around her room where they’ll sit for months at a time (her room smells something awful, too). She especially seems to think that the clothes I leave at home while I’m at college are clothes that I don’t want. Not so–we all know how small dorm rooms are. There’s absolutely no way I can fit everything I own into my closet at school.
I would never have even known that she steals my stuff until last year, about this time. I had been missing a shirt and a pair of pants. My mom asked my sister what happened to that “purple shirt with holes in it that [she] tried to throw away.” I happened to be there, and I asked if the shirt had a specific design on it. It turned out it was my shirt–I had gotten to wear it once before my sister stole it, put holes in it, and threw it away without ever telling me!
Today I noticed that she was wearing one of my t-shirts, so I made her give it back to me right then and there. She then left to go to a babysitting job, so I searched her room for other stuff that she stole from me. The list includes:
3 pairs of shoes
1 pair of pants
4 t-shirts
3 nice shirts
1 camisole
1 dress
I was positively furious a couple hours ago, and I’m still really pissed off. I can’t trust my parents to punish her, since they adopted the laissez-faire policy for my brother and sister (note: it’s not effective). I don’t want to get even, I want to let her know in no uncertain terms that IT IS NOT OKAY TO TAKE MY STUFF. I have talked to her about this before, but she is right at that age where she can be a tremendous bitch (don’t we love teenage girls? [note: I was one not so long ago]) and she won’t listen to me. I don’t want to steal any of her things, because that will give the message that it’s okay to steal, and I don’t want to start a whole nasty war of taking each other’s stuff.
I just want her to STOP. THE FUCK. TAKING. MY. STUFF.
Well, if you don’t mind having to wash your stuff before you wear it again yourself… why not lace the insides of the clothes you have to leave behind with itching powder?
Otherwise… How about investing in storage of some sort that you can lock? A steamer trunk or something? (Or are we talking SEVERAL steamer trunks?)
Damn. I thought this was another gay thread and felt compelled to post.
Um.
Bring it up next time you see her. “From now on, if you ever want to borrow my clothes, ask me first.” Don’t just say “stop taking my stuff,” because that’s a challenge. Don’t leave her any room for interpretation, and don’t leave her any room to be bitchy. Try to say it when you’re not angry, just be calm, cool, and calculated – that’s much more intimidating than anything said in anger. When you’re angry and you confront her with something, she can dismiss that as just your temper flaring, and then take advantage of you again once you’ve calmed down. Let her know that you’re not just pitching a fit; you’re simply making it clear: your stuff is yours, and she must respect your property.
I agree with the lockable storage suggestion, or possibly a lock on your bedroom door. Could you get your parents to take the dry cleaning and replacement bills out of her allowance?
I’m angry on your behalf just thinking about it, since my clothes are my babies. Fortunately I have an angel of a sister, and we borrow (and take care of) each other’s clothes.
I agree about locks. If she can’t respect your boundaries and your things, enforce your boundaries. Protect your things. I had a cousin steal a couple of things of mine while we were growing up. I still resent it.
I feel your pain. A lot. My MOTHER and I are the same size in clothing and fortunately my mother wears classics and nice stuff. She’s also very creative which is handy with costumes and what-not. I am forever walking into my wardrobe looking around and going wear the hell is my so and so or on better days walking into Mum’s wardobe and thinking I think I’ll wear this.
Being a teenager, we respond to restrictions negatively, or at least some of us do. Kayeby has the right idea with being calm about it; you just have to confront her - nothing works better than a chat about how it is YOUR stuff not hers and she cannot treat it as though it is HER stuff because it is not. It’s YOURS. Be careful to formulate your argument because she has nothing to rebutt unless you feed it to her.
Maybe also you have to have a family chat about this if she doesn’t give it up.
I had to lock all my socks up in a tool case, because all the other people in my family were stealing(helping them disappear) them. I’ve been doing this for about five or six years, and the rest of my family wonders why I’m the only one that always has socks (six or seven pairs divided by one person is okay, divided by five …)
Lord knows I am not fond of locking doors for kids in the home, but I agree, a lovking footlocker, or locking cosetdoor in this case I would approve of, though I really wonder at your mother not making sure younger sister KNOWS that these are not her clothes and NOT to borrow them at all if you don’t want her wearing your clothes. On the other hand, if the budget can stretch to a small 5x5 or 5x10 storage locker for the school year to stash your clothing and the like in might not be untoward…maybe split it with your school roommate? I remember getting a locker to store luggage, and boxes that I packed my stuff in, and my SCA camping gear. Believe me, I know how cramped a dorm room can be.
Personally, I love the itching powder idea. Though, the locking trunk one, or possibly even storage unit (some of the tiny ones are only 10 or so per month).
Do you have any other kind relatives with an extra closet?
Few things peeve me more than disrepect for my property. Maybe you can go with the calm chat idea, then take a quick but comprehensive inventory of your clothing. Leave a copy in the closet where your sister will see it; it can serve as a reminder that she shouldn’t just take your stuff willy-nilly.
Is there any chance you could work out a set of rules that would work in your absence, perhaps something like “no more than three articles of clothing out at one time, and they must be cleaned and replaced before you borrow more?”
Realistically though, I think the locked closet / locked chest is your best bet.
