I figure this is an extremely common problem: I’m struggling to figure out how to present myself to possible dating interests. On the one hand, I am sensitive, caring, respectful, supportive, gentle, and kind. On the other hand, I am hornier than a tomcat.
If I accentuate my kind, caring side, I feel as if I’m acting with ulterior motives because I’m not admitting that I really want to get her naked. But if I were to come on like Lothario, she would think I didn’t respect her as a person.
Just be yourself. If you are what she want’s, good. If you are not what she wants, also good, for both of you can move on without the animosity that grows from misrepresentation.
Show your caring side. She probably knows that the possibility of sex is on the table, but if you treat her like a human being, she’s far more likely to want you. The sexiest thing in the world for most women is to be able to trust the man to listen to what she wants.
If you’re trying to date, be regular, you start trying to be something you’re just going to make a mess of it. You can put it out there that you like to get frisky, but don’t be a dick about it. Of course, you’re a dude so “I want sex.” is really news to no one. It’s not like she’s going to be like “Oh? I hadn’t considered that.”
What I’d say is that most guys are horny as a tomcat. When you narrow that down to “guys who are actively looking to date women,” I would upgrade “most” to “virtually all.”
And women know this. Believe me, they know. Any straight woman who has a profile on a dating site is being exposed to a constant barrage of male contact. And while the specific content and tenor of that contact may vary widely, almost all of it has the end goal of having sex with that woman, with or without an accompanying romantic attachment. Female friends of mine who have OKCupid accounts report getting everything from friendly, humorous introductions, to virtual catcalls and wolf whistles, to immediate requests to exchange nude photos, to blunt offers of money for sex. But get this: all those guys want to have sex with her, even the nice ones, and she knows that.
So while it’s fine and healthy that you are horny as a tomcat, and you would be wrong to pretend otherwise, you really don’t need to lead with that part. In fact, leading with it is offputting, even if you’re just slipping a mention of “I have a healthy sex drive and am up for anything that sounds fun” into an otherwise normal profile. It shows you have either an autistic inability to talk about anything other than what you want (or even to talk around it), or worse yet, a sociopathic inability to see her as anything other than a life support system for a vagina. The girl knows you like sex, expects it, and if she’s sufficiently intrigued and attracted by your other elements (the ones that actually vary from one man to the next), she won’t be disappointed when the time comes to unleash the tomcat.
This is baffling to me. Women are looking for caring, respectful, whatever guys that they want to have sex with. Your not looking for a Scrabble partner here.