My daughter and bible study.

Great Debates
41

Anything happen over the weekend Biggirl?

I’ll go so far as to say that your daughter’s curiosity and openness is a complimentary sign regarding how you have raised her. I agree with all of those who recommend finding out what the church/bible study is all about. If is is a youth group for a relatively mainstream protestant denomination, I don’t see how her involvement would be harmful.

And if they were extremists, I doubt she would describe it as fun. When my kids were quite young, they asked if they could go to some summer bible classes with their neighborhood friends. The came home quite distraught after the first day having learned that their mommy and daddy were damned to an eternity in hell, and that they would be too unless they accepted JC as their personal savior. So perhaps we should have checked those wackos out ahead of time.

I would suggest approaching this as an opportunity to have a bunch of neat discussions with her. What did they talk about? What do you think about that? This is what I think…

Whether or not one believes in religion, IMO some knowledge of religion is invaluable for a well-rounded education. And actually being there is so much richer than reading about it in books.

We have a kinda different situation. My 15 year-old’s best friend is christian. She has often said she was going to some youth group activities, and sorta broached the topic of whether my kid would like to go along. My kid isn’t really interested, other than hanging with her best friend. And she is adamantly atheistic. We’ve kinda adopted the position that, if there is any reliigious component to the activities, it wouldn’t really be fair to anyone for a “non-believer” to attend. I mean, the group is meeting to share something they have in common - why add an “outsider” into the mix. Not sure if it would make my kid, her friend, or the other participants uncomfortable.

And if “outreach” is an express purpose, I could imagine opposing my kid’s attendance.

If my kid really wanted to go, we’d let her. But religious differences can be a kinda touchy subject. In the past we have perceived instances where folks have cooled on our family after learning we were not chrstian. I am happy my daughter has such a good friendship. No reason to risk high-lighting something that might make her friends’ family form an adverse opinion about our beliefs (or lack thereof).

I don’t know if I phrased that very well. It might sound a little defensive - but many churchgoers do not know how defensive an atheist has to be in much of society.

42

Nothing this weekend. As I mentioned before, my daughter went to watch her high school team play for the championship.

We’ll see this Sunday. If she goes to church I’ll go with her (which she won’t like one tiny bit. I embarrass the living daylights outta her.)

Hey, there’s an idea. If I find their teachings highly objectionable the best thing for me to do would be to join the church. My girl would run far, far away!

43

I trust you’ll let us know what the mystery Church is once you get a chance to attend. The suspense is killing me!

44

—Unless the church is some kind of fringe cult thing, I wouldn’t worry too much about her being “indoctrinated” into something strange. It’s much more likely that she’s just having a good time finding a peer group that she fits into.—

I dunno: my peer group generally doesn’t invite people in to teach them what to think about metaphysical questions and ancient history. This daughter definately can decide for herself, but its silly to pretend that all Bible studies, even in mainstream sects, are academically unbiased exercises presenting fair discussion in an understanding, unpressured way. There are good and bad Bible study groups, just like there are good and bad groups of friends: and as a parent you usually can’t tell just from the sidelines. This basic fact doesn’t magically change just because religion is involved.

You don’t have to trail your child around, but there’s no reason why you can’t talk to the church that runs the group about your values and find out if they differ greatly: so I think what you’re doing is a good idea. Even if they do teach things you disagree with, you don’t have to make your daughter stop going: but if they are anti-gay or something, it’s very much worth it for your daughter to know that you disagree with their teachings. You can then at least have the discussion, as opposed to five years later her declaring that gay people are evil, and you not knowing where the heck it came from.

45

16-year-old view here:
I think that it’s good that your daughter is learning a bit about the bible. Even if she sees it as time to spend with her friends, she will pick up some information there. Even if she does come to not believe in God, she will know more about what she’s choosing not to believe. Also, she may decide that she wants to continue with this. What may start out as a chance to hang out with her friends may end up as something she truly believes in.

46

I think that’s why biggirl’s concerned! :slight_smile:

47

You say that as if it were a bad thing :smiley:

48

—Even if she does come to not believe in God, she will know more about what she’s choosing not to believe.—

You know, I don’t know the spirit in which people say this, and though it usually seems good-natured to them, I think it comes across as being a little omnimous and pressuring. There are an infinate number of things I don’t believe: merely because I’ve never even heard of them. To you, your belief may seem extremely unique and important out of all those possible beliefs, simply because you believe it: but that’s no reason that other people should share the same special, singular interest in it prior to believing or even hearing about it.

49

I think it’s pretty remarkable that both you and your daughter have such a degree of trust and honesty between each other.

I admire that both of you are open minded enough to discuss the matter. If I were an atheist I can’t imagine myself being too thrilled about the situation. If I envision myself in your shoes I guess I’d warn her of the possible ramifications of “eternal life” etc.

Wow, this whole thread blows my mind.:smack:

50

Read “At the Smithville Methodist Church”. It’s a great poem. I came across it recently in Huston Smith’s book, Why Religion Matters. I’d read it before, but I don’t remember where. The situation isn’t exactly the same, but I bet you can identify with it, Biggirl.

51

My daughter has told me a few things about the church that has eased my mind a little. They are apparently quite inclusive. She tells me that they bar no one. There is even a gay couple at the study. And they have female preachers.

She’s also promised me a detailed breakdown of the church’s activities and beliefs. . . as long as I promise not to come with her to church on Sunday.

We’ll see.

52

Hopefully she can start with the name of the church.

53

—She’s also promised me a detailed breakdown of the church’s activities and beliefs. . . as long as I promise not to come with her to church on Sunday.—

Well, they can’t possibly be THAT bad if she’s making people promise NOT to come to church. :slight_smile:

54

An update for those of you who were wondering.

She did not go to study last Friday because she had a soccer game (she’s on her high school varsity soccer and jr varsity basketball teams), so I told her I’d accompany her to church this Sunday. She said she would rather not go.

This is not what I hoped for. I do not want to prevent her from doing something she wants, but I also will not give her a blind free rein to do whatever she wants with only the faintest idea of what it is she’s doing.

Ah well. The ball is in her court.

55

Have you considered just going by yourself? That would allow you to see what this is all about, and your daughter to save herself the horrible embarrassement of being seen in public with her mother…

56

What if you offer to go separately and sit in another part of the church so her friends never have to know you’re there?

57

quote:

how do you rebel against your parents when your parents were the Sixties generation of rebels?
my friends son happened to mention to the D.A.R.E. officer that what he was showing in class was very similar to the stuff “daddy’s growing in the attic”

the officer stopped by and mentioned what had been said and asked if he could stop by later in the week to check the attic

58

Oh, that’s great: an non-officer trying to get search consent from a child.

59

This is very true. I also recommend that she read up on the theories of those people who think NASA faked the moon landings. Just so she knows what she is choosing not to believe.

60

For heaven’s sake, religion is a significant part of our culture and should be a basic componant of any education. You can’t understand the vast majority of Western art or literature without some basic understanding of Christianity. In the US the majority of people are at least nominal Christians and any adult is expected to have some (hopefully well-formed) opinion on the matter. Surely you don’t think any of this applies to NASA conspiracy theories, gex.