Hmm. I always had a sharp implement at hand to take care of the monsters. I only ever had to deal with one. He must have told all his friends to stay away from the kid with the iron helmet and axe.
You just keep that s*** away from me, ya hear?!!
Hmph!
Oh, it’s OK. He told us later it’s “transporter juice” and lets the monsters wish themselves anywhere in the world and they get “poofed” there, unharmed, instantly. And they smell pretty.
He was never able to get the formula right for human use, unfortunately!
Oh, well that’s okay. So if you could just transport me to the mountains for a little ski vacation…
Monstre <— would prefer not be turned into a pretty smelling “poof”, though, if it’s all the same to you… 
Most Tarots are TERRIBLY old fashioned. I highly recommend Steve Jackson’s Silicon Vally Tarot. The minor arcana have four suits, Cubicles, Networks, Hosts, and Disks. The Major Arcana have such things as Spam (Spam
Frustration, stupidity, mindless repetition, wasted effort, lost bandwidth. The Spamee is consumed in fiery indignation, but the Spammer also wastes time and resources - nobody cares about his message. Lose/lose royale. Reversed: unenlightened self-interest, failure to comprehend the appropriate use of the Network.), Bugs, The Hacker, Stock Options, and Flame War. You can either get a reading online for free, or you can buy a pasteboard deck Either way, it’s highly entertaining, and I think it’s at least as accurate and relevant as any other tarot deck.
I recall reading in Consumer Reports that someone was actually SELLING monster spray, consisting of a mixture pretty much the same as yours. Go figure.