My daughter's first dance. Gosh, but I'm freaked out.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

She’s almost 15. As one would expect, she is the Most Beautiful Daughter On The Planet. She’s never gone to a dance dance, just some parties at girlfriend’s houses. In those cases, she knew all of the boys who came to them.

This is at a local church. One of her girlfriends attends the church, and apparently attendees are permitted to bring friends to the dance. One of the girlfriends who is going ( these are all 10th grade girls ) recently admitted to her that she has actually kissed an 11th grade boy who she likes.

Men. Boys. I am so painfully aware of who I was at 15 and 16 and so on. I’m feeling both reminiscent and completely unnerved by this event. She, of course, is cool as a cucumber. It’s hardly a formal, apparently the kids are wearing regular street clothes. She dresses a tad more demurely than most of the girls at her school. This means that day to day, the entire population does not know the color of her underpants, or the dimensions and arc of her lower belly.

She’s cautious and smart and I am not sure that is enough. She’s a fairly young 10th grader, December baby. --twitch twitch-- I did not expect to be so unnerved at this idea.

Can’t imagine what I’ll do when she stars dating boys. How do Dads handle their young-ish daughters dating, doing dances, etc. ?

Wimmenfolk, how did your Dad’s handle it when you started doing this level of socializing- still in groups, but more than just innocently hanging out? How were they with you dating, and when did you start dating?

-Twitch-.

Cartooniverse

p.s. I can say with a high degree of confidence that it was not more than a few years ago that she was hightailing it around in a backpack, snuggled up against me, the glorious toddler. How dare she grow up and stuff? :slight_smile:

2

The more she is excited, Dad, the more you are going to get twitchy.
I wish I could be there for the big send off.
You might want to take the shells out of your shotgun just as a precaution.

Good luck and give yourself a beer.

3

meh, the moment comes and then it is past. Later, you go pick her up and either it is more ‘meh’ or some social faux pas has occurred and you find youself in the middle of a crying sobbing meltdown; delay the return to ‘meh’ by a couple of hours.

4

I didn’t date till I was 19 and out of the house (late bloomer) and I don’t know what my dad did when my sisters dated.

My own daughter was pretty responsible, so her dating wasn’t too big a deal, although her dad was rather nervous when she went off to college and had her own apartment and all that. But it worked out OK, mostly - I’m sure his hair would have gotten gray even if she hadn’t dated…

Incidentally, did I tell you she’s now engaged? :eek: She’s 21, he’s 31. They’ve promised to wait till she graduates in '08.

That’s more unnerving than mere dating.

5

Chances are she’s already been involved in more than you know about, so this is a good opportunity for you to just let go. :slight_smile:

6

I’d just like to tell you how amazingly cute this is. :slight_smile:

She’ll be fine. You’ll be fine.

7

Wait, wait, wait a minute! Didn’t she just go to Prom? Good grief, she can’t be that old yet! Life just gets more interesting all the time, doesn’t it?
Cartooniverse, she’ll handle this step well, and you’ll get used to it. Just about in time for the next one. I hope she has fun at the dance.

8

Okay, now that’s just cruel. Chances are she’s NOT been involved. Especially with Cartooniverse for a daddy.

Ivygirl not only has a father who is a reformed horndog but an older brother who has threatened to come home from college when she starts dating to meet the boys who want to take her out.

You know what you may want to do? Take her out on a date. Show her how a boy is supposed to treat her, and let her know what to do if she gets into a sticky situation.

9

Yep. I’ll spare you the list of things I’d at least started experimenting with when I was around that age. My parents? Clueless.

Do expect tears. If you’re very close with your daughter, at some point she’ll likely call you to pick her up from someplace or another, crying. It may seem to be a stupid, minor, meaningless issue. Don’t tell her that; let her cry on your shoulder if she wants. If you’re not that close to her, don’t try to be.

The most unstable element in the universe is not some lab-created molecule; it’s 12-16 year old girl.

10

:eek: :eek: :eek:

Is it too soon to hint at wanting to attend the nuptuals? :smiley:

Compliment accepted gratefully. I’m pretty clued in, and know enough not to push hard, but know to listen carefully as well.

Heeeee. She’s actually yelled at me, " Daddy I HATE you", but has done it firmly tongue in cheek. ( I can tell because of the lack of tears and the gales of laughter that’s accompanied the statement ). I do believe you- the day will come when, like dark matter in the universe, she will become mysterious, light-absorbing and unstable.

Doesn’t matter, of course. She’ll always have my heart.

11

Personally, I’m holding out for him suffering the same fate as the last 3 or 4 boyfriends: Welcome to Dumpsville, population: THEM! :smiley: <snerk>

OK, that was mean, but seriously, she’s never had a boyfriend for longer than 16 months. She and her fiance have been dating just over a year, so we shall see. I like him fine, but I’m not getting emotionally invested till I’m sure it’s gonna happen.

And if you wanna travel to FL, I can probably sneak you into the wedding. All I know is they want to be married by Fred. He’s a friend of theirs, and a notary. Yes, you can be married by a notary in FL, as I know so well. I’ll keep ya updated.

12

You have been preparing her for this moment all her life. It’s the training you gave her thet will kick in now. Trust the values you gave her, I did, and it all worked out.

And I do have some experience as a father of three girls.

13

Gosh, I hate to be the Cassandra here, but didn’t you read this (link helpfully provided by Eve in this thread. You get her back home, and whatever you do, don’t let her dance!

(She’ll be fine.)

14

If this dance is at a church, do not worry. There will be chaperons I presume.

In high school I attended a few dances (only a few because I don’t like dancing or buying dresses) but there is as much standing around talking as dancing. And at a church, I also assume there won’t be too much “booty music” and inappropriate dancing.

Don’t freak out until boys start coming around to pick her up in their cars for dates alone. Then don’t freak out too much because from experience, it will annoy her and she might push you away. Just give her the standard talk, “Watch your drink, don’t get into a car when anyone has been drinking, no means no and if he doesn’t listen, he is not someone you want to be around, etc.” But you have to let her understand you trust her. That is key. When you get to be here age, you don’t want to be treated like a kid anymore.

And I’m 20 so that part of my life isn’t far removed. I’m only a college junior.

15

Honestly, when my dad starting eyeing the boys like a rabid attack dog, I thought it was cute. I mean, I was irritated and I acted the part of irritated, but deep down I knew I had a dad who cared what happened to me. Hide your nerves, show your nerves. Be twitchy or don’t. Just don’t actually ACT like a rabid attack dog. She won’t thank you for that.

Of course, all that doesn’t really affect my actions. I mean, he also told me I wasn’t allowed to have sex until I had to be helped into bed from my old-lady scooter to do so.

16

I’m a bona fide girl, and I started dating when I was 15 or 16.

I was a “good girl” because I had been taught/absorbed that I didn’t have to put out to make people like me. Although there were some pretty hot and heavy petting sessions. :slight_smile:

I really liked the line my parents took - they met my boyfriends, but not all my other friends (the people who actually drove). I had a 12:30 curfew, but it was flexible - if I called and said that the band we were seeing was on late, and I’d be home 2:00-ish, they were ok with that. Sometimes my Dad would go out with us to shows, and he was always pretty well accepted, but I don’t know how that would work in your situation.

The best thing you can do is get your daughter a calling card. And then tell her, “No matter where you are, if you need to get away - call! No questions asked tonight, no yelling, nothing. We come pick you up. We take you home. We may talk about it in low voices tomorrow, but occasional poor judgement is part of being young, and we’d rather you called us for backup than anyone else. And if you’re going to be out later than expected - call! We can talk about curfew adjustments later, but right now we’d like to know where you are.”

Not to say that I never screwed up in my life, but I always knew that I could call my Mom and Dad, and that even the few times I did something egregious, that they would be mad and then move on and love me anyway.

17

Sorry for the double post, but the other half of my unspoken parent-child agreement was, “Keep your grades up, and don’t quit any of your other activities [in my case ballet].”

Actually, I’m sure my parents would have been just fine if I quit ballet, since it was a hassle for them, but since I had classes at nine or ten on Saturday mornings it was a pretty good barometer of what I’d been doing the night before.

18

Merry Magdalen, your entire post has touched me, so no need to quote it in it’s entirey. I did say one thing to her before she went to dinner with the girlfriends ( and girlfriends’ Mom, who of course drove).

" Honey, now is when I get to say this. NEVER take an open cup from someone else and drink from it. Always pour your own, you don’t know what might be in it". I got an automatic " Daaaaaaaaaad", then she looked a little bit unnerved, and was just saying, " uh, yeah, ok I won’t. " The follow-up was worth the standard answer.

She has a cellular phone, though a calling card is a splendid idea and only costs what the card cost. Son, who is 16 months older, knows full well that whatever the hour, we will be deeeeeeelighted with him if A) he got a ride somehwere and his “driver” is intoxicated, or B) HE drove somewhere and now should not drive home. I’ve made it extremely clear- I know he’ll dabble in drink or pot ( hopefully not much else ) and while I don’t want him to make a career of it, it’s stupidity itself to demand that he promise never to wind up a bit messed up. Day or night, he knows inside he can call me and I’ll get him.

I used to be an Emergency Medical Technician. The kids grew up hearing stories about kids just about their age, and a bit older, who didn’t call Mom or Dad and drove home, only to die in the process. Not one cautionary vague tale just as they’re old enough to drive, but years and years of real events, that I came home from with other people’s blood on my shirt and pants.

They get it. I know they’ll make mistakes, and I don’t give a rat’s ass about a wrecked car. Nothing matters except their health and safety and of course, that of those they are travelling with.

Apparently daughter had a nice time but not a great time. I said, did you dance? She answered in the affirmative. I said, dance with any boys? She pulled a faintly disgusted face and said, Oh god NO Dad.

:smiley:

( Yes, I know, she could be shining me on. I’ll check her outfit for the DNA left from sweaty palms, anyway. :stuck_out_tongue: )

19

Heeeeeeeeeee. I told daughter a few years ago that she’d be allowed to date whomever she wanted. Just after her 25th birthday.

20

You want to talk twitchy?
My daughter leaves for college on Thursday.
The first dance is nothin’

:: twitch twitch ::