My ex GF is a stripper!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, Exotic Dancer.

Some history:

My latest GF and I just broke up. (K for you Trek Dopers) Nothing bad, we started as good friends and we just found too many things different. Things that wouldn’t show up outside of a BF/GF type relationship. Should be really good after a while, right now we’re both kind of bummed.

Gf before her (3 Yr Gig) and I had a nasty breakup. Some fairly bad stuff involved on both sides, I guess. But still, I blame her for most of it. (I’ve posted about this in various threads about SOs and breakups and stuff)

Before 3YG, was Wild Cute Girl (CWG). Lasted about two years. Not a nasty breakup, more like it fizzled out.

WCG was a lot of fun when she was fun, and really hard to deal with when she wasn’t. Now, WCG was very giving, in many ways. Damn smart. And a real looker. I mean, omygawd kind of looks. It was the unpredictability of her emotions that made her hard to be with. Talk about a loose canon! Well, when that relationship finally ended, my Shallow Hal friends thought me a fool, my wiser than I friends knew it was probably for the best.

So, a few weeks ago, CWG shows up at my place. Friday afternoon. I ask her in and we chat a few things, and I decide to take her to dinner. I didn’t think of it as a date, just good company with an old friend. (I was still trying to be involved with K)

After K and I end things, CWG calls and asks me out. (A few days later, 3YG calls and says I should come see her sometime. Is there an NCB Ex Newsletter or something? ftr, I’m nothing special. I’m just this guy.)

We (CWG and I) go out and have a great time. At dinner, we really get into the last five or so years and she informs me of her new job. Dancing nude-ish (this is Oklahoma) at a gentlemen’s club.

Hmmm…

Well, I have to admit, that bugs me a bit.

But why? Is it some form of jealousy? A moral judgement? Fear for her safety? Or memories of what the bad parts of dating her were like?

I really don’t know.

At one time, I felt like I was in love with her. And she adored me (except when she hated me). My friends think I should run from her. My head remembers lots of rough times. My heart remembers the good things about her and how “together” we felt. (My lust remembers things, too)

Now remember, I’m just out of a relationship. For less than a month.

I wish I had a real grip on my feelings, but I fear I may make the wrong choice based on confused emotions and fuzzy memories.

Anyone here ever get back with an ex?

Any observations of things that show up to you guys that I’m missing?

Advice? Stories? Flames? Warnings? Well wishes?

2

I got back with an ex after about 3 years. It was a bad, BAD idea. I got back with my current boyfriend after we broke up for a week. A GREAT idea.

There’s really no way of knowing if it will work or not. There’s only one way to find out…

3

Good luck.

The only advice I have is to keep it at the good friend level instead of the girlfriend level, at least for a while. That way, if she starts bugging you again, you can get out fast.

4

Why do I hear “My Angel Is a Centerfold” playing in the background as I read this thread? :wink:

Seriously, if you do think about getting serious, you need to do two things: (1) Examine your own feelings about what she’s doing for a living, and why it concerns you. (2) Be completely honest with her going into it. Friendship may be a good idea. Rekindling romance could work – but you need to, e.g., have it clear exactly what about her changeable emotional reactions concerns you, and how you and she ought to deal with them.

5

Not sure why the stripping thing bothers you…

…it’s a job.

If she’s hot, she’s gonna get oggled in any job, so why not profit off of it?

6

Good point, Opal. I think it’s more likely to be some sort of jealousy than any other reaction or reason.

One of the little games she used to play is “posing” to make sure other guys noticed her when she was with me. That game, and my reactions to it, were just silly and stupid.

Quite frankly, she didn’t need to do that to get looked at, she did it to make sure someone looked at her.

Sometimes, it was fun. I would grab her and we would “do” things. Yes, I have a bit of exhibitionism myself. But, what I came to realise is that both the action and the reaction seemed to be based on selfish quasi-needs. (Both of ours)

It seems small and petty, but it’s one of the negatives that sticks out in my memory.

She was realy cool in other things, tho. She would go over to my place and fix supper when I was working a long job day. She would page with little “I love you” messages during the day. She came out to an out of town job that I was helping on, arranged with the contractor to let me off a day, and treated me to a romantic trip around the sights of a nice resort town. She reminded me of what I was working for. :smiley:

Hey, i was Mr Romantic to her, too. One of her girlfriend’s BF actually asked me to teach him how to be romantic to his girl because all he ever heard of how good I was to CWG. :wink:

We got along really well when we were getting along, having many of the same interests and tastes.

I think I’m still in love with her (if that makes any sense two GFs later). But, the potential problems that both of us bring in to a relationship are frightening.

I like Poly’s and Aes’ idea about friendship and honest communication. But, do you know how hard it is to stay behind an already crossed line? I’m talking about the lines of sexual intimacy and the saying of “I love you.”

Arrggg!

I’ve been talking to my RL friends, too. And they are in line with Poly and Opal.

Bottom line: I know I want to.

But, I have to be careful. And open and honest. Jeebus!

Wish me luck!

7

Nah Naah na-na na-naaah nah naah na-na na-na na-na…

8

Besides, she’s still got some of my stuff! :slight_smile:

and, I just realised, I still have a box packed up of some of her stuff (clothes, CDs, grooming assys…) in my study room closet. Seems we never got around to giving it back to each other.

9

the hell? :confused:

I thought I was typing small… :::sigh:::

[equally confused by Usul’s post]

10

D’OH!!
The SONG!!!
:smack:

11

Btw, if you do date her again… don’t take the jealousy angle with the job. When I was a stripper, people asked me “doesn’t your husband get jealous??” and we always said “uh…no?” see… why should he get jealous when he was the one who got to take me home? All the other guys were the ones who were jealous, watching us get into the car together :wink:

12

Good luck!

13

Thanks, AG. :slight_smile: (and the rest)

I’m going to try and follow the good advice and watch out for my own negative reactions. Plus, the next time we go out, I’m going to initiate a frank (but non argumentative) discussion.

Still open for any other advice and comments, though.