My friend helped me because... he wanted to get laid!

The BBQ Pit
21

Byz,

If was me, I would have agreed to spend the night at his place-provided he spend the same night at mine.:smiley: If you still need some help with your project, e-mail me and I’ll be glad to help if I can. Like Esprix, I will expect no sexual favors for helping you.( Unlike Esprix, I might take them if offered.:wink: (joke)) Sounds like the guy is a loser. Be glad you are shut of him. I, mean, how much fun would it be to have sex with someone if they are only doing it out of a sense of obligation? I just don’t get that. Sure, sex with YOU, under any condition, has gotta be better than anything else, but, I’m talking about in general here. Be glad you learned his true colors now, not later at some worse time.

22

This happens to me from girls all the time helping me.

I just smile and try to let them down easy.
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  • (Guys…did she buy it? I’m afraid to look.)*
23

Byz:
He acted like a prick. I assume, since you were once lovers and then continued to be friends, that he does not always act like a prick. He may have an explanation that would at least mitigate his behavior (I doubt it is excusable). You will have to decide for yourself whether his friendship in the past was valuable enough to warrant listening to his explanation.

If I were you (and haven’t we all had that dream at least once?) I would ask him to explain just so that I could rip his explanatin to shreds and make it inescapably clear that I considered him a slime spot in the drawers of the universe. But, hey, that’s just me.

24

I only read so far into this thread, so if what I’m about to say was already covered, forgive me. But unfortunately, all men are dogs. I’m sure this is a concept you are knowledgable of. We are beasts from the pits of hell set out for one thing and one thing alone, sex. They say the average male thinks about sex at least once every 5 minutes. And as my GF once pointed out to me," Girls can have girlfriends, guys can have guy friends but guys can’t have girlfriends. Cause all a guy sees in a girlfriend is a chance to get laid. Any man that wants a friendship with a woman is or was originally based on a driving need to get that person in bed" And I see this to be true. I appoligize for me and my kind. We are simple creatures with simple wants. And though we may go about it in rather peculiar ways, we mean well. Except this guy Byz, he’s a prick. But otherwise, we mean well. Again, I appoligize for him and those like him. I kneel before you oh great power we call woman Byz and ask forgiveness. Rambling ENDED

I HAVE SPOKEN!!!

25

Byzantine, don’t freak out, but I have to offer a different opinion. Realize that I can only go based on your interpretation of the conversation in your 5-23 5:10 am post. IMO, he made a pass at a former lover, you rebuffed him and it ended there. A clumsy, unsophisticated advance, but certainly nothing to justify the outrage. I can’t see where he expected anything, he just seems to be hopelessly wanting to re-enact what presumably he recalls as a pleasurable experience.

I don’t know you, but quite likely you are an intelligent, attractive, desirable woman, and I imagine you are accustomed to men approaching you sexually. So what made this one so creepy? Because he was in the middle of helping you? Men often take women to dinner, a movie, etc. and hope for a sexual outcome. Because he is/was your friend? Should men only make advances to strangers?

26

Actually, I kind of have to agree with hardcore on this one.

I seriously doubt that he was actually agreed to help you with the notion that he would get some nookie out of the deal. He was probably sincere about helping you out, and then, as men are wont to do, tried to pick you up. He probably thought he was being clever in his delivery, working this proposition into a discussion about the matter at hand.

Of course he came across as a neanderthal, but in the scenario he played out in his head seconds before speaking it aloud, you probably laughed and said, “Sounds reasonable to me, bucko!” This is the way men’s minds sometimes work – maybe this idiotic fantasy can be real if somebody’s in the right mood.

If he doesn’t have a history of being so boorish, I wouldn’t hold it against him. I think he understands now to try his lines on somebody else.

Then again, he could just be a fucking asshole.

27

Sleazy, sleazy, sleazy.

A stone fox drop dead cutie friend of mine once ended up without a place to stay due to a roommate issue. I let her snooze on my couch for a couple of months until she was back on her feet. She was pretty stressed out never mentioned sex, so I just laid back and enjoyed the view. I wavered a couple of times but held out (whimper). Later after she moved out, THEN I hit on her.

And it’s not because I’m such an angel either. I just need to know that the girl who goes to bed with me wants my body. The idea that she is trudging down the hall to take care of a chore just kills it for me. I’ve never understood the whole hooker thing.

The guy was wrong because he approached you like a hooker. Making a pass at you wasn’t wrong, but tying it to doing something for you sure was. Your reflexes were spot on.

28

Yes, it was sleazy.
Yes, the man has no apparent tact.
Yes, every guy has at least thought this before.

First date brings you flowers, is dressed nice, takes you to a show, a good dinner and is a perfect gentleman.

Seventy-five percent of the evening he’s wondering whether he’ll get laid later. Even the nice guys.

If he doesn’t he can’t help the fleeting thought,“That was a whole bunch of hullabaloo for nothing.” Even the nice guys.

Nice guys call the next day and let you know if they had a good time.

Sleazy guys try to wheedle their way in the front door after the good-night kiss.

If a guy who is an ex-lover does anything for you, you’ve got to expect he’s gonna at least think, that maybe there’s an outside chance he might get a little nookie.

This is not an excuse, just an attempt to let you know how we (guys) are built.

I’m sorry he hurt you.

29

If you’re going to trade favors, I’ll do your work, then I’ll show you what room I got my nickname in.

30

I’m sure that Byz has seen a milking room at some time in her life.

(Psssst. You misspelled your username.)

31

Byz…

I can provide the unequivocal, definitive answer as to why he acted in the way he did.

But it’ll cost ya…

:slight_smile:

32

Rekindle the flame? In THAT way? Eww! Bad idea. I don’t know any woman that would think that was “sexy” “cool” or anything. Yuck. “I’ll help if you fuck me.” And I’ll kick your sorry ass for free. I can tie your nuts in a knot for two dollars…

Esprix – sugar, I know you would :wink:

tomndebb – valid point. A few months. He broke with the woman he was seeing about 3 months before this. But I don’t think he should expect me to take care of him just because his hand doesn’t seem to be fitting the bill anymore. But I can see where he thinks I might.

Sledman – You can believe what you want but he never made any mention in the past. Not once, ever, had we traded favors for sex. Ever. If we had this wouldn’t have been so shocking. We were real friends. We helped each other and sex wasn’t a part of it. To drag it in now as “payment” isn’t just shocking, it’s sick.

GreenEyes – if he would have asked me I might have thought about it but to make it part of some deal was just nothing short of treating me like a whore. Asking I could have understood. Demanding and expecting? Ernt!

Spiritus Mundi – why have you dreamed you were me? God! I really have a boring life. Really! Oh, wait, maybe you didn’t mean that the way I thought you did… (why the FUCK would anyone want to be ME???)

The_gunslinger – I bow before YOU and say that I don’t think all men are like this. They may have the drive in their heart but they do not DEMAND my parted legs as payment. Honestly, most of my closest friends have been male and they have NEVER pulled this shit on me. I think most men are honorable, decent folk. YES! I know! After this it’s hard to believe, but most men really do respect women. This man, just ,well, I’ll get into that in a moment…

hardcore – the problem was he made his help CONTINGENT on the fact that I bed him. BIG difference from just testing the waters by asking. He made it CLEAR that he wouldn’t help me UNLESS I went to bed with him.

ChiefScott – I’d be flirting with you right now if I thought it was okay. But it isn’t. I know your lady doesn’t like it. So… yeah, I know how guys think… but this was just really weird and wrong, considering where “we” as a couple had come from. If I would have hinted him on, or screwed with him in some way I could understand it but let me give you (well, you’re a reg so you already know, but for some of the others:)

I’m a big woman. I’m 5’9" and 190. My hair is over 2 feet long and uncolored, unpermed. I don’t wear make-up, jewelry, or tight clothes… I’m a hippy chick, really and I’m pretty basic. You could never say that I dress to entice, inflame or incite any man’s (or woman’s) desire. I’m a pretty basic person. I never led him on, or intimated that this act would be acceptable to me. He could have approached me like, “hey, doesn’t this sound like fun?” and I might have said, “yeah.” but he made it out to be like, “if you want me to do this you must do this.”

That isn’t just “feeling me out” that is practically demanding payoff.

I didn’t like it. I found a way to move the equipment I needed in my own car and I rented a truck for the things I couldn’t move. No one at U-haul asked me to have sex with them. They just wanted my money. I’m okay with that.

This man is no longer my friend. I guess the main point of this is there are always other options. You might THINK that you are my only option, but you are not. Bite me, sex boy. I can ALWAYS find another way.

33

What a slime! I think you should send him a bill for your last 3 years of doing his taxes.

34

Okay, without justifying what this guy did in any way, let me play devil’s advocate for a moment.

The corollary to “My friend helped me because he wanted to get laid” is, “I got my friend to help me because he wanted to get laid.”

That is, a lot of women are guilty of abuse of power when it comes to male ‘friends’. I’ve seen a number of men get hurt really badly by women who wanted to be ‘friends’, knew damned well that the man was in love and wanted much more than that, but kept the relationship going because it was convenient.

I have no idea if Byzantine is guilty of that at all (it sure sounds like the guy was a jerk in this case), but this seemed like an appropriate place to point this out.

You women out there, look deep into your heart and see if you haven’t been a wee bit guilty of this in the past. After all, it’s NICE to have a guy fawning all over you. He pays attention to you, drives you places, does whatever you want, listens to all your problems, etc. It’s clear what he really wants, but you conveniently refuse to acknowledge his advances because you really like the relationship the way it stands. One night he tells you he loves you, or he makes a pass at you, and you give him the “Let’s be Friends” speech. Then you continue right on with this lopsided ‘friendship’, because YOU want it that way. In the meantime, the poor guy is crying in his pillow at night because he’s crazy about you and can’t have you.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Guys? Gals?

35

Byz: it is OK, and natural, for a guy to help you because he WANTED to get laid. It is marginal for him to “expect”
it, but because you were ex-lovers(other-wise that would be boorish). However, the way he “asked”, and acted was completely boorish, and wrong. The man is a disgrace to the entire male population. Now, the way I would do it, is suggest mutual backrubs/massages to work the “tired muscles”, and see if that went anywhere.
The going rate for a man- freind to help you move, if you do not include a ***, is pizza and a sixpack. Anything else is up to you both.

  • but if there are lots of stairs…
36

Byz –

Though I’ve danced around it in other threads, I’ve never actually come out and said it. So…

GBS and I are no longer “together.”

Continuing concerns for my son, caused me to break it off a while back. GBS is a great lady, one whom I still consider a friend. I didn’t think a realignment of my parental responsibilities, a six-month hiatus from the states, and my son possibly living in a closer proximity to me upon my return, would enable me to continue our relationship.

It was a tough, crummy decision, but one I felt I had to make for my son’s sake.

IRT your previous post, there’s no lady to take offense.

37

OpalCat – when I touted up what I’ve done for him and what he’s done for me, I came out ahead. (Money or time wise) I told him so. He said, “your stuff doesn’t count that much because you enjoyed it.”

I almost shit! Yeah, I love wadding through tax laws! I love reading IRS pamphlets! I love sewing curtains! I love interior decorating! I love putting on a new roof! I love hanging kitchen cabinets! I love crawling under your house to help you do plumbing! I love watching your house, cat, and dog while you are out of town! Yes! These are the things I LOVE to do! Would I accept payment for these things? Never! I love doing them so much that I’d be willing to do them for free for people who weren’t my friends!

dhanson – no, it’s not that kind of thing at all. We dated, had sex (we never did that, “I love you” thing so I can’t call it making love) then I called it off. That was a long time ago. We became friends again when HE needed help with his taxes. I said sure. It’s not like I’ve been pumping this guy for money (or anything else) all these years. It’s never been a situation of him fawning all over me. If he had been I would have called the friendship quits a long time ago. (What you are talking about is REALLY wrong and I don’t do that kind of crap.) That’s why this is so shitty. He NEVER fawned all over me. He never made a move on me. Until I needed his help. He was more than willing to accept MY help without strings but didn’t understand the concept of returning a favor. And no, I didn’t fawn all over him either. That’s why this angers me so.

ChiefScott – owch! I’m sorry, really. Sounds like you made a tough call. No, I’m not gonna get all flirty with you like now I have a licence to do so. I’m really sorry for your situation. Hard calls are just that, hard. But each of us knows when we have to make them. For ourselves or our children or other loved ones.

I guess I had to make a hard call here too. He wanted to be my friend when it was convenient for him. I don’t need a friend that demands something of me I’m not willing to give. That’s not a friend. I’m not a whore. I never led him on. I’m angry and sad about the whole thing. But I DO take heart in the fact that not all men are like this.

Kisses and hugs to all!
(Hey, get your hands off my ass!)
Best!
Byz