My friend is bumming me out, talking about suicide

Cisco · June 1, 2004, 2:33am

This is a really weird guy that I met online about 8 or 9 years ago. I’ve posted about him here before.

I’ve met him in person a few times, but the most recent has been about 4 years ago now IIRC. We keep in touch on and off on the internet. Mostly he talks and I listen.

He always has something either really weird or just downright disturbing to say. This is our conversation that is going on right now:

him: i just saw time go backwards to make room for another 15 minutes
me: wow
me: must’ve been neat
him: i also find that skin is more difficult to cut than i initially thought
me: how and why would you test that theory?
him: well first i tried a knife, but that didnt work
him: so i tried a razor blade but that didnt work either
him: the best i got was no better than a cat scratch
me: again:
me: why?
him: well, i realized that suicide wasn’t the easy way out after all
him: so i decided it would be self fulfilling to do something right for a change
him: but apparantly, its not that easy
him: i couldnt do that right
him: i need a gun
him: or a pair of handcuffs
me: why
him: why do yo uthink
him: i might try again… this time get piss drunk and try using some pain killer then try the knife again
me: what would you do with a pair of handcuffs?
him: well, first you wrap a garbage bag over your face, then throw the key away, and handcuff your hands behind your back
me: and why would you want to do a thing like that
him: i already told you once
me: no, you didn’;t
me: tell me
him: yes i did
me: tell me again then
him: so i can die
me: why do you want to die?
him: because it doesnt matter wehter im alive or dead, the world will continue
him: so, the best way to be successful is not have to try so hard
him: the answer is so simple
me: have you told anyone else about this?
him: hmm no
me: do you ever talk to your parents?
him: nope
me: why not?
me: what do they think of you sitting in your room all day?
him: i don’t know
him: i think trying to keep people from suicide, is being selfish
him: i dont think it matters wether i die today, tomoorow, next week, next mnth, next year, or 50 years from now… it’s all going to remain the same. nobody wins nobody loses because we all share the same fate
me: that’s a pretty pessimistic way of looking at things
him: in the end, it doesnt matter what you do in life because you won’t be around forever to marvel at your so called accomplishments
me: you might cure cancer one day
me: or save someone else’s life
him: yeah. i cant even help someone who gets mugged right in front of me
him: cancer is just a mutated cell that is still alive and keeps dividing.
him: it divides into the same mutated cell indefinitely
him: we dont know enough to fix it
him: it would be easy to prevent it but we dont know that much
him: you just have to train your immune system to attack cells which are malformed before they start dividing
him: but it doesnt matter if we find a cure for cancer
him: we all die in the end anyways
him: if you could make a deal with death to live one day longer, would it be worth it?
him: the fear of death is as foolish as beliving in love
him: death is something we should want
him: the world is overrated

This is an ongoing conversation so I might post more later.

This guy live in Miami, I don’t know his phone number or address and I know for sure that he wouldn’t give it to me if I asked right now so I feel pretty much powerless in the conversation.

I’m pretty confident that he won’t kill himself in the immediate future, but with talk like this it sure seems like he might do it someday.

GorillaMan · June 1, 2004, 2:36am

I’d recommend exploring this message board, even if you don’t post there - it’s intended for friends/family of people with such problems.

Shadez · June 1, 2004, 6:47am

How is going right now, if you’re still talking? I don’t know what to say. Just that I’ve been in his shoes more than I’ve been in yours, sadly, and I hope you keep your sanity through this. Get some dirt on him as time goes on. Address, phone number, etc. A quick trip to the hospital will set him straight. Keep a log of all IMs, as you are doing now, for evidence to get him admitted if necesary. This applies for all conversations, not just now.

Cisco · June 1, 2004, 7:10am

him: if you goto jail, you get raped and contract some STD
him: you go out and put your reproduction architecture to use, you get an STD
him: you make a billion dollars, and you soon find out that you have nothing to spend it on
him: there aren’t enough material things in the world to be happy
him: unless you want to be a fool to the sharper image and buy expensive gadgets that don’t do anytyhing… like ionizers
him: and even if you had every material thing, you still won’t be happy
him: we seek pleasure by seeking green paper, but that doesnt even do the trick
him: we should just admit to the existance of aliens, and who cares if they stab us in the back and turn us into slaves
him: it wouldnt be that much different… we’re all slaves already anyways
him: you can help the world out and expect nothing in return, but you later realize that even that gets old too
him: not even having the bests intrests of everyone else, being selfless and all will be satisfactory after a while
him: once you fulfill that vision, you are back to wher eyou started
me: look, i know you’re obviously feeling like shit right now
me: so tell me, without talking about the world or life in general, why you feel depressed
him: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/issues/alert/?alertid=5834001&content_dir=ua_congressorg
him is away at 8:24:39 PM.
him returned at 8:26:48 PM.
him: i want a fucking girlfreind

Auto response from me: I am away from my computer right now.

him is away at 8:26:59 PM.
me: go get a girlfriend then
Auto response from him: I am away from my computer right now.

me: it’s not that hard
him returned at 9:17:44 PM.
him: heh
him is away at 9:55:42 PM.
him returned at 10:03:23 PM.
him: that old monty python song from the end of life of brian

Auto response from me: I am away from my computer right now.

him: when hes cruicified
him: always look on the bright side of life… lifes a peice of shit … when you look at it.
him: always look on the bright side of death!
him is away at 10:07:44 PM.
him returned at 10:27:42 PM.
him: sup
him: screw the nc trip

Auto response from me: I am away from my computer right now.

me: sup
him: looking at this grsecurity project
him: they seem to have some interesting ideas
him: http://www.grsecurity.net/features.php

Re: “screw the nc trip” - A few days ago he was talking about going to Raleigh, NC to spy on RedHat.

I’m telling you this guy is out there. I’m still concerned about him though.

Otto · June 1, 2004, 11:36am

This is probably going to be an unpopular thing to say but I’m going to say it anyway. There are limits to what you can do for this person, and you have a greater responsibility to your own well-being than you have to his. I’m not suggesting that you not do everything that you can for him but I know from some similar experiences that it is very easy to get trapped in someone else’s psychodrama. Be careful. Good luck.