I want to say that with the DD-214, you can either get one of several headstones from the government with stuff like name, branch of service, dates, and religion on it for use in any cemetery, or you can have him buried in the nearest National Cemetery. They provide the plot, headstone, vault/liner, and the opening/closing. They don’t provide the funeral home stuff like embalming, cremation, coffin, etc, although there are allowances for that sort of thing as well that you can apply for.
One thing is that if he has no family, there will need to be an executor of his estate who will be tasked and responsible for all this stuff. I suspect if he died without a will, the court will appoint one.
Here’s the VA link on burials and memorials- hope it helps!
I’m so sorry to hear this, I know you were really worried about him. Did he have to be intubated or did it not even get that far? Doesn’t matter now, I suppose, just morbid curiosity. Sending you a hug.
Thank you all.
Thanks especially for the FEMA link.
We started the process today of getting things together.
This is a really good reminder to make a will and leave copies with friends/relatives.
I’m going to have to untangle the 401k tax hits. Apparently I’m the named person but I’m pretty sure he wanted the money to go to my 2 kids and our friends 2 kids.
For Mike, these were his nieces and nephews.
I think I’ll need to roll it out to a special IRA and then distribute no more than 10k per year to each kid. I don’t know if the 401k is 20k or 200k though. I guess I’ll find out later this week or next. Yes, I’m out of my knowledge here. We’ll seek professional advice to do this right.
I’m so sorry for your loss. May his memory be a blessing for you.
And good luck with the administrative nightmare of his dying without a will. It’s very good of you to help out.
When my husband’s uncle died, we had to find his estranged son. Rather to my surprise, I succeeded in finding him with a google search. The son was grateful to be contacted, and was cooperative in the legal aspects (which I guess mostly meant that he didn’t contest the will, and signed papers to the effect that he’d been notified.)
When my sister died without a will, we hired a lawyer to sort it all out and paid her with estate funds. The process took about a year to completely wrap up, but we found her service invaluable. Of course, there was enough money in her estate to cover the costs.
Sorry to hear of your loss. One of my brothers died unexpectedly, and without a will, around this time a couple of years ago. In hindsight, I made it harder on everyone by thinking that everything had to be dealt with immediately. Deal with the stuff like burial/cremation and a wake or whatever you think is appropriate. Allow yourself some time for mourning and processing your friend’s passing. Don’t obsess over the details of his finances, there is time for that later.
Again, my condolences and you will be in my thoughts during this difficult time.
Because of the oddness of the estate, talking to an estate attorney will likely be very helpful. I’m not sure you can simply distribute the 401k to the kids since the 401k is not part of the estate (since it has a beneficiary named). If you are named as the beneficiary, then the money is yours. You can give it to the kids, but then it’s a gift with the associated tax implications. You may be able to refuse the beneficiary, in which case I’m guessing the 401k would then be part of the estate and the executor could distribute as appropriate.
And without living relatives, the court will need to appoint an executor. An estate attorney will be able to help out here as well. You will need to petition the court to have them appoint you. If there were living relatives it would be easier since they could defer to you, but in this case it will need to be proved that there aren’t relatives which would normally be the default executor. If he’s estranged from family, that won’t really matter to the court. A living relative will likely be appointed as executor over a non-relative unless the relative refuses.
A friend of mine passed years ago, and I knew he was a veteran, but had no details. After he was buried, his “wife” never bought a headstone, just disappeared with what money he used to have. I didn’t know his dates, birthday, SSN or anything. I contacted the local chapter of the American Legion, and they took care of it . Got him (and installed!) a headstone from the VA.
To add to my earlier post, consider the size of the estate before you consider becoming the executor. If he doesn’t own property or any significant investments, the effort and legal fees in trying to be appointed executor may exceed the value in the estate. With the 401k going to you and him living in an apartment, there might not be a lot in the estate to distribute. If you want to distribute the 401k to the kids, you can do it yourself with yearly gifts of the tax-free max, which is currently $16k/year. You can gift it to both parents and to the kid, so that’s $48k/year (assuming the parents put it in an account for the kid). If the parents setup a 529 college fund, you can directly contribute the $16k/year to the kid’s 529 instead of giving it to the kid.
There was a really ugly situation in my extended circle of friends. A guy died unexpectedly. He had never gotten around to legally divorcing his ex-wife, nor to writing a will. So his partner got nothing, and his ex got what little he had. I think some friends may have stolen a few personal items before the ex showed up, to give to the partner, but the details are fuzzy. I know it was pretty ugly, though, as the partner lived in his house, and was thrown out, and it turned out there was some question as to whether the marriage to the ex-wife had been legal (she may never had divorced a prior husband) and a bunch of friends fought her claim, and the whole thing was incredibly ugly. And the amount of the estate wasn’t very large. The fight was mostly over pride, and ownership of his legacy, not actual cash. (He had significant intellectual property – not worth money, but valued to a lot of people. And there was a battle over who controlled it.) Did I mention it was ugly.
The moral is that you should legally end relationships that have ended, and you should have a will.
What_Exit, very sorry to hear your news. This type of situation can be incredibly stressful. I agree with all the suggestions to get advice from a good estate lawyer. If you don’t know one, ask around in your circle of friends for recommendations. Intestacies are always difficult.
Most important, though: don’t let your experience tidying up after your buddy colour your great memories of him. Some people are just messy, in life and in death, and need a bit of help. Good on you for helping, and keep all those good memories intact.
’s and 
’s to you, your friend, and all impacted by his untimely loss.