More specifically my best friend from school, marrying his girlfriend of seven years. And a few days later another friend is gonna be a “we”.
Quite a few have gone to jail…errr gotten married over the last two years or engaged.
I am in no mood to do so, in fact I am happy with life now. Work hard, play hard no commitments outside of professional and family. But and this is the important point, everyone who I know got married, had the same outlook, yet they changed. I suppose it is inevitable, and doubtless I will change as well, however to the more experienced dopers, how the hell does this happen? Is it an event? A process? An d its so…grown up.
I ain’t a man child, I am a practicing Barrister making (thankfully) an excellent living. I am also a visiting lecturer in a local Collage. I have argued cases which were worth millions, so clearly I am much more accustomed to responsibility on a professional level than many others. But in so many things I feel no different then I did when I was 18 (am 26 now). No idea if that will change.
Maybe you just haven’t found someone suitable yet? Or you’ve been too busy working that you haven’t spent time on relationships? I know it can be frustrating in your mid-20s to see all your friends getting married when you’re still single. But if you’re really interested in getting married, you just have to keep working on it.
Do you have any family or friends that could introduce you to girls?
It may change, it may not. And either way is just fine, as long as you’re honest with yourself (and anyone you date) about how you feel.
Did you happen to read the recent “When did your biological clock start ticking?” thread? It was obviously aimed at women, but I think the point is similar. Some of us were obsessed with baby making as young girls. Some thought we’d never want babies, and where slammed with a sudden physical urge somewhere in our 20’s or early 30’s. And some of us are into our 50’s and never, ever heard the ticking of the biological clock.
People want different things out of life. And isn’t it awesome that we live in a time and culture that lets us seek happiness in our own ways? Wouldn’t it have sucked to be alive 600 years ago, with no choice but to marry some village lass or go into the monastery? (I guess men have always had a teensy bit more freedom to be the “confirmed bachelor” without risking a stoning, but I think you get my drift…)
There is nothing wrong with you, you just haven’t followed the exact path that your friends have traveled. Or maybe you’re gay, I don’t know. I’m sure there are some people around you that haven’t gotten married. I never even thought about marrage until I met a woman that I couldn’t see ever breaking up with. I was over 30 by then.
Part of growing up is watching your friend’s lives change - finishing education, getting jobs, dating, marrying and starting a family - but that doesn’t mean that everyone has to do every one of those in lockstep.
Also, you may have heard that once you get married you can have sex whenever you want … that is inaccurate.
You’re normal. I’m 49, and several people I work with are under 35, with a few even under 30, and they (the guys at least) sound exactly like the OP. “Dude, all my friends are getting married! What’s up with that?!” One guy even went to something like 6 weddings in one year.
If/when you get married, sure you’ll change. It’s inevitable, just like you’re different at 26 than you were at 16. And even if you don’t get married, my money’s on you changing eventually. There’s a reason Abbie Hoffman said, “Never trust anyone over 30.”
My advice is don’t lose sleep over it. Be happy for your friends who’re getting engaged and married. More of my money’s on you finding someone, somewhere, sometime you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with, and you’ll be one of “them”. And it’ll be okay.
I got married at 35 because I wasn’t ready before then. Everyone’s mileage varies, of course, but for most people, your twenties is a time of major change; getting married during that time is a real crapshoot. I’ll tell you a secret; a lot of your friends also think getting married is really grown up, but they aren’t ready for it, either, and it won’t go well.
AK84, I felt exactly like you for quite a while. I was in my mid/late 20s, all of my friends were getting married, or had been and were having kids, and there I was, living with roommates, just kind of cruising along, and saddled with this nagging feeling that I was somehow being left behind. And it was true to an extent. I had progressively fewer and fewer friends I could just kind of call up to go out with, as they were buying houses out of town, had wives or husbands to plan things with/around, and even kids.
It’s interesting; I’m 30 now, and in the last year or two I’ve developed a strong urge to get my life in order and ‘settle down’.
There’s nothing wrong with you; like WhyNot said, not one of us feels exactly the same way at the same time about our lives. When your social group is trending towards one lifestly and you’re still content in the one that you used to share, it is a little unnerving/depressing. Just remember that as long as you’re happy and healthy and productive, that there’s no reason for you to be in lock-step with your friends in this regard.
I’m in more-or-less the same boat as you, AK84. My advice, as with the others in this thread, is not to worry about it. If you meet a girl you want to marry, and she wants to marry you, you’ll get hitched. If not, no big deal.
Do try to get out and do things outside of work, though. Not just to meet women - though that’s likely to happen sooner or later - but because a life that just consists of bouncing between office and home is kind of depressing.
I’ve been a dedicated bachelor for 45 years. Long swore I’d never commit matrimony. Now, I’m not saying that anymore. The Druidess has come into my life…well…actually…returned to my life. Could be she’ll be the one to finally get me fitted for a ball and chain. Such things happen when they’re ready to happen. Don’t sweat it.
Another vote for “You’re perfectly normal.”
In my case, I had no interest in marriage until I met someone I wanted to marry. That’s the correct order, if you ask me.
It happened to me when I was 30, but that was arbitrary. There’s no right or wrong age – or it might never happen. Just live your life in the way that’s best for you. The rest will take care of itself.
I’m sorry, but the OP sounds like he struggles with interpersonal relationships to me. No serious relationship by age 26? Hmm.
Feel the same at 26 as you do at 18? I’m turning 24 next month and I feel completely different and significantly more mature than I did at 18. Mellowed out a bit, too.
When I was 26, I was happily dating different girls with no desire to settle down with any of them, or with anyone for a long time. When I was 27, an old girlfriend reappeared in my life, and suddenly it was time- she was the one. One day I woke up and realized I didn’t want to date around anymore, because I was only interested in her, and knew then that it would be forever. Sixteen years later, I still feel that way.
The point being, it might happen to you the same way, when you least expect it. Until then, enjoy yourself.
Oh- and the “ball and chain” and “prison” references? *So *played. Really. :rolleyes:
