dare_devil, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the frequent updates! Good luck.
No problem. Hannah and I need all the help we can get. Once again, thanks everyone. I’m going to keep going back to my guidance counselor and keeping her updated on this. And hopefully, I’ll get most of my projects done so I can go to the mall with Hannah and Anna on Saturday.
daredevil you are doing a good thing. If you have any kind of relationship with your parents let them know what is going on. They may not be able to help, but maybe you do not have to do this so alone. I would guess they might like to help you even if they dont want to be involved in Anna’s situation.
Well, Hannah just told me that it appears that Anna is anorexic, or will become anorexic. Hannah said that Anna told her during choir practice, “I’m on a fruit and vegetable diet now and I only drink water.” She hasn’t been diagnosed by a doctor, of course, but Hannah thinks it’s likely that she’ll become one. And Anna took one of those home pregnancy tests and she’s not pregnant, thank God.
Anna says it’s been three weeks since the rape.
This whole thing doesn’t sound right to me, sounds a little fishy. Seems there are a lot of incompetent around. What wrong with the GC and the teachers? First the GC had to think things over for the night huh? And then…
The Principal, the GC and the teachers. They are all unqualified frauds. In Ontario every Teacher and GC is made crystal clear on the laws for reporting abuse. When the child is under 16 years of age, the action required is cast in stone. They must report to the athorities with minimum delay. They can all be criminally charged for this gross negligence.
Here is some info from the Ontario Child and Family Services Act
**Responsibility to report a child in need of protection
CFSA s.72(1)
If a person has reasonable grounds to suspect that a child is or may be in need of protection, the person must promptly report the suspicion and the information upon which it is based to a children’s aid society. **
The test of reasonable grounds has been met and accepted by the GC as indicated by the passing of phone numbers and concern. Proof is not required. A conversation with Anna is not required. From the same site:
**What are “reasonable grounds to suspect?”
You do not need to be sure that a child is or may be in need of protection to make a report to a children’s aid society. “Reasonable grounds” are what an average person, given his or her training, background and experience, exercising normal and honest judgment, would suspect.**
Not just the GC but the teachers are bound by the act and so is the priest that advises abortion. If this is a Catholic Priest… well theres absolutly no way this was ever advised. if its a protestant priest (Toronto is about third Catholic and Third Protestant) then I doubt that he would tell hanna what he would advise anna as that council is not for her and furthermore would he really give such advice without talking to Anna and moreso in the absence of a qualified medical opinion on her ability to carry a child to term? Any Clergy would not act like this. They would have called the CAS (Childrens Aid Society) or police under moral, professional, and legal demands. I would guess that these laws are similar in most juristions in the world.
When informed the CAS open a file and a follow up is done. Rapidly. Considering the sexual/physical/verbal abuse, the cutting and drug and alcohol use on top of emotional and eating disorders. This girl would have been pulled within 24hrs and getting real help.
Imagine, all these adults placing such a burden on a child. All of them not doing what is demanded of them. Even dare_devils parents missed by a huge mile. What was the mother said? something like nothing can be done unless an adult is involved?? So what now? Hanna has to convince Anna to talk to this person or go see that person or whatever? I am unconviced of these events. I am not biting.
I talked to my parents and told them everything that’s happened since I first told them about the situation. My mother doesn’t believe it and my father told me not to get involved. Same with my math tutor, who said that it’s highly unlikely that the girl’s biological father (yes, biological) raped her unless he’s severely…“handicapped”. Then, this morning, Hannah told me that yesterday at choir practise, Anna refused to show Hannah the injuries that she had sustained and that they were healing. And then she continued to talk to me about exactly what her priest had said (they’re Orthodox, BTW).
And when Hannah talked about how Anna’s teachers and principal did nothing, it was a warning flag that went up in my head, but at the same time, what if they’re just incompetent human beings? I don’t know if Anna talked to one teacher or more than one, but if she’s talked to more than one, then something’s wrong.
So, I don’t know if the whole thing is just some way of getting attention. But, at the same time, the issue is so serious that I don’t want to dismiss it. And it’s not Hannah I’m wary of; it’s Anna. I’ve never met Anna, but I’ve known Hannah for about four years now and she’s been a good friend. But, I don’t know if Anna is making all of this up. I wish I could find out somehow.
Well then it sounds like you’re at the point where you want and need to call protective services (or whatever they’re called) yourself. You have the number that the GC gave you.
How can I suggest to Hannah that Anna might be lying? I don’t want to anger Hannah, but I think she needs to consider the flip side to this, too. Apparently, Hannah thinks Anna has only talked to one teacher and has not talked to her principal because “the guy REALLY hates her” (quote from Hannah). And should I suggest to Hannah to call Anna’s parents, like SusanStoHelit had done in her seventh-grade experience with her “suicidal” friend?
I think you have already done more than most any kid your age would do, or could do. If you decide to stop pursuing this, you should not feel bad. You have told an adult (the guidance counselor), who should be responsible for deciding what needs to be done, and the GC should then do the right thing. But it sounds like you do not feel content with this, and don’t feel that the guidance counselor is going to actually do anything to help, beyond giving you advice.
My personal opinion is that trying to convince Anna or Hannah of anything further, and urging them to take action, is not going to be fruitful.
If you still feel the need to act on this yourself, then the thing to do, in my opinion, would be to call the helpline that the guidance counselor gave you the number for. Talking to Hanna and Anna is not going to solve the problem. You need an adult authority to act on this. I am frankly surprised that the guidance counselor is not following up on what you told her (or him). But if you feel that the GC is not following up, and you still want to help, then you could try the helpline.
It is possible that the GC is following up on this, but cannot tell you for some kind of confidentiality reason. (I’m in the U.S., and don’t know the law either here or in Canada about this.)
You will have to decide whether to pursue this yourself. It would be great if you did. But you have already done more than any kid should be expected to handle.
Well, this is a transcript of the conversation I just had with Hannah about Anna:
Me: How’s Anna doing?
Hannah (H): She’s convinced her father won’t touch her again.
Me: Do you believe she really thinks that?
H: I think he’s going to do it again.
Me: I’m asking about her.
H: She really does. She says that she knows her father more than I do, but I told her I know humans more than she does.
Me: Do you really think that’s going to matter to her? Does she say she’s still afraid of her father?
H: She says she’s not, but I don’t believe her.
Me: Have you asked her about the circumstances in which the rape happened? Was her father drunk or something? Anything like that.
H: No, she won’t talk about her. She’s too embarrassed.
Me: Hm.
H: She won’t listen to me.
Me: Have you tried calling yourself?
H: No. I don’t know what to do. Have you?
Me: No. I’m not the one Anna went to. I’m just the third party here.
H: Anna says she’s hearing voices now. I think it’s the devil.
Me: Really? What did she say about them?
H: That the voice is monotone and alive-sounding…but she said that the voice comforts her. I told her not to listen to it. I told her to say, “Lord Jesus Christ, please have mercy upon me for I am a sinner” every time she hears it. The devil’s trying to gain her trust while she’s weak. I used to hear voices too when I was a kid.
Me: Yeah, you told me. I thought you said that Anna doesn’t believe in God.
H: Why can’t she just listen? Yeah, she doesn’t, but she just said, “Fine.” I think she understands my concern for her, though.
Well, other than that, there’s nothing else in our conversation worth mentioning. Hannah left after she said her last comment and I don’t know what to say… Is the girl having teenage-onset schizophrenia? And I’m asking that seriously, not as a joke because it could be happening. 
I was always convinced my father would never touch me again. Unfortunately I was only fooling myself.
Something is happening with this girl. Only she knows what for sure. She certainly needs help and from an adult. This is a huge burden for you to carry. If everyone continues to pass the buck you may want to talk to your parents again and see if one of them will call CPS. No one wants to get involved but it can make a world of difference if just one person would.
DareDevil; back earlier in this thread, some very wise poster gave very clear instructions about how to go to a pay phone and report this to CPS anonymously.
It’s time to do that. Or else just convince yourself that Anna is lying about the cutting, rape and all these other things and forget about her.
I’d probably make the call, but I’m not there and you are. Best wishes.
I’m going to call my guidance counselor and try to convince her to call social services. Hannah still won’t give into calling the police herself because she says, “our legal system isn’t what you think. Her dad’s a professor. Everyone thinks he’s got it together. No one will believe Anna about her father.” Jeez, they both just don’t get it.
That’s what the abusers count on. That’s the attitude that kept me from telling when I was that age. He told me no one would believe me because he would tell them I was lying to avoid chores. He explained he was a “pillar of the community.” Look at the priests being exposed after so many years of people thinking they were safe people to leave their kids with.
That’s the beauty of YOU making the call to CPS from a pay phone. Hannah doesn’t have to know. Nobody except you has to know. You first posted about this situation on Feb. 26th. It’s now March 7th. Has Anna been cutting herself or otherwise been subjected to abuse over this time period? We don’t know, do we?
One anonymous call from you to CPS can settle the issue. They’ll get to the bottom of it, with medical tests and examinations. If Anna’s lying, they will find out. If she’s telling the truth, they’ll find that out too.
Hannah, guidance counselors, parents, et.al. have not stepped up. Someone should.
Think of the hell that Anna is subjecting herself to right now. Think of the past three weeks and her reliving that incident over and over.
You can help her end it and start healing. If you don’t, then will you be ok if she does something to herself and you didn’t make the call? You might be left with the thought “if I had only called sooner…”.
This isn’t just a third person asking advice anymore. This is a person who needs to get help for another person who may be killing herself inside. Make the call.
I think you should stop trying to decide if you believe abuse is going on or not - Annah obviously has some sort of trouble going on and needs help - whether it’s sexual abuse or the abuse story is a desperate cry for attention. We can’t really know.
The only way she can get help is if somebody does something and you’re in the position to do that (and yes it’s a huge responsibility- but I have faith you can do it:)) - I’d echo the other posters in this thread: Make the anonymous phonecall. And if you’re worried, well - by now who could really tell who made the call - so many people have been told already (The GC, two people at church, your parents, a teacher?)…
This is from the girl who did nothing when one of her schoolmates (quite clearly in retrospect) was sexually abused by her stepfather.
-Tikster
Guidance counselors and school principles aren’t always willing to help. I don’t know why; maybe it’s because they don’t want to disrupt things. I do know that they did nothing when I confessed to a suicide attempt back in high school.
dare_devil007_, you’ve been courageous and a good friend. Please, lass, have courage for just a little longer and make that anonymous call to CPS. One of the things I hated most when I was a teenager is that there were people who knew something was wrong – in the middle of Social Studies most 14 year olds don’t blurt out that they’ve attempted suicide – and refused to help. Have courage and make the call. If you’re worried you don’t have enough, you can draw on mine. I’ve got plenty to spare. Even if it doesn’t work, at least you’ll have tried and that does count for something, I promise you.
My own parents would have given me the same advice yours gave you – not to get involved. You’re already involved and one of the things my father used to quote for me is, “All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good to do nothing.” You have a chance to do something.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Anna, and Hannah.
CJ
This deserves to be repeated. It is also what my father counted on as well. I think it’s also why my friend’s mom didn’t do anything. My family lived in pretty upscale suburban tract housing, her family lived in little tiny houses on the flood plane. I am sure she thought it would put her up against people who could just hurt her. People forget that real monsters are camoflaged.
I think sometimes that is part of the reason for the media circus around Micheal Jackson. It is easy to believe he hurt kids, because he looks the part. The fact is though that he may be almost the only one that does. Usualy they are pillars of the comunity. They are the boy scout coach, or the soccer coach or the priest or your kid’s best friend dad. If they looked the part, they would need Michael Jackson money to have access to your kids.
Well, Hannah gave me this bullshit e-mail saying how “[I’m] angry at Anna’s father” and that Anna “needs a Christian influence and counselor to help her” and that “social services cannot be notified because it’s Anna’s choice to make and we can’t make that choice for her” and that “the social services won’t help, anyways, because there are too many uncertainties.”
For God’s sakes, Anna needs professional help, not help from two teenagers who are bitching about what to do! If I call and Anna tells Hannah about CPS coming to her house and everything, Hannah will know that I called because I’m the only one who’s so bent on calling them. And I don’t want to say that my guidance counselor called because I don’t want Hannah to get mad at her, either. Jesus, I just don’t know what to do. I called Kids-Help-Phone. They said that even if social services doesn’t get involved, Anna can also call them because she’ll remain anonymous and I know that KHP can help. I don’t understand why I’m so afraid of calling CPS.
My mother thinks it’s all a load of crap and doesn’t want me to lose sleep over this anymore.
If you want to read that stupid e-mail for yourself, you can ask me to post it.