My friend (who we will call Hannah) told me that her friend (who we will call Anna) says that she was raped by her father. I’ve never met Anna, but Hannah knows her from some choir Hannah goes to. Anyways, Hannah tells me that Anna is a 13-year-old loner who cuts her, has tried drugs and alcohol. Anna has no friends and everyone at school seems to hate her, except her boyfriend. Anna’s father is physically abusive towards her and her mother is emotionally and verbally abusive.
Then, Hannah told me that Anna told her that she was raped. I immediately told Hannah to call the police, but she refused, saying that she does not want Anna to feel betrayed her. I told her that if she doesn’t call the police, then I would. But, she pleaded me not to, so I’m not going to because I realize that Hannah’s friendship with Anna is also at stake. I don’t know what else to do, so I came here for help. Dopers, any suggestions?
If I call the police, Hannah would never speak to me again. And she keeps trying to justify that Anna will be fine because her parents are separating anyways and Anna and her mother will be moving. But, Hannah seems so naive to go as far as saying that the rape will go away, which makes me really frustrated because I know the memory won’t go away and Anna will not be okay after this.
By the way, I told Hannah that we’re breaking our obligation as a citizen to report the police of a crime we have knowledge of and she insisted that her obligation as a friend is of higher value to her than her obligation as a citizen. And then, I asked her if she wants to call the police, but she said that she doesn’t want to because she’s afraid of the police. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Call the national child protection hotline- 1-800-4-A-CHILD. It’s anonymous and is social services, not the police. They will investigate and make sure Anna is safe. If Anna is being abused, there are likely many who could have called (neighbors, relatives, etc).
Alternately, call Anna’s teacher or guidance counselor. They have to report.
You certainly are in a sticky situation here ** dare_devil007_** and I would suggest taking everyones opinion here with a grain of salt as they really don’t know the people involved and their trustworthiness. That being said if you believe Hannah then you have an obligation to report it to the police. You don’t even have to go to the police is there a teacher or school conselor than you can trust? First though you really need to sit down and carefully consider the truth of these allegations. You are hearing them through an intermediary from a 13 year old girl. Teenage girls (no offense meant) are not exactly the most trust worthy sources of rumors.
I know exactly what you mean. I mean, Anna’s 13 while Hannah and I are both 15. I’ve never met Anna and for all I know, Anna could be feeding Hannah a load of crap to get attention for herself or something. I’d know because as ashamed as I am to admit it, I fed my friends a load of bull about my parents to get attention from my friends, who tried to comfort me (I’ve outgrown doing that though, so don’t worry). So, unless, I actually meet Anna and see her injuries and am totally convinced, then I’ll consider it more deeply, but for now, I’m just going to tread carefully and wait for more details because Hannah doesn’t even know how this happened.
Whoever said to speak to an involved teacher gave good advice. Can you speak to one of Anna’s teachers? They would know her well, and they are mandantory reporters. They also have some training in this regard.
If you have actually met Anna, and she is cutting herself, and using drugs and alcohol at the age of 13, that’s a strong indication that she needs help. Maybe she did make up these allegations about her father to get out of the house, but sometimes–if parents are physically and emotionally abusive–getting out of the house is the best thing that can happen to a kid. The behavior you mention is sometimes a way of handling unbearable pain. Sometimes the pain gets so unbearable that the person kills herself. What is more important here: your friendship with Hannah or the possibility that Anna will spend the rest of her life in this kind of pain?
There’s a chance the accusation is bullshit, and there’s a chance it’s true. You, as a fifteen year-old, shouldn’t have to feel responsible for sorting it out.
Contact a teacher or counselor at Anna’s school, tell them about what you heard, and let them get to the bottom of it. If that seems too hard, tell a trusted teacher at your own school and let them contact someone at Anna’s school, if she goes to a different school than you do.
The fewer other people ( IRL friends, etc) that you tell about this the better.
Good luck. It’s great that you care and are willing to become involved.
If you call your local Children’s Protective Services (either directly or through the national 800 number listed above), you can simply say that you are worried because of the cuttings and you wonder about abuse and possible rape. They will follow up with the inquiry. Anna may either lie or tell the truth, but even their intervention may be enough to give the father second thoughts about continuing. Since you do not know that the rape accusation is true, you need only say that the possibility worries you.
Call from a pay phone, and give the girl’s full name, the school she goes to and her home address. Write what you want to say, read it to the phone, make SURE they’re taking it down, then hang up. Your anonymity won’t be a problem if your information is accurate.
Definitely mention the that you’ve heard Anna’s cutting herself as well as the suspected rape/molestation. Nobody will blame you for being skeptical but concerned.
This is very brave of you. I don’t envy your responsibilities. Good luck.
yes, you should definitely contact CPS. you could tell a teacher instead, but it seems to me that they’d be more likely to divulge the source of their information when talking to a parent, and if they didn’t talk to the parent they’d just be calling CPS themselves anyway.
either way, if you were found out to be the source and the allegations were true, it would get Anna out of a terrible situation, so I don’t see how Hannah could stay mad at you. if they turned out false, she might stay mad at you a bit longer, but in the end you’d have done what you did out of concern, and it’d just be immature of her to hold a grudge against you for that.
this IS the right thing to do, and I think you know it.
When I was 19 I had a summer job, working in a factory. There I met a slightly retarded girl of about 17 who told me she had had a kid by her (step?)father. I believed her. She had blurted it out, not telling me how she felt about it or what she wanted me to do about it. She didn’t know herself, of course. At the time I had so little life-experience, I didn’t know what to do with what she told me, either. I didn’t act.
Its been decades ago and I still sometimes think about it and regret I didn’t call social services. I might have been the only one she ever told it to, (a kind, passing stranger in the only place she socialized in) and me not acting might have convinced her that no-one thought her story merited action.
Don’t do this on your own.
Talk to an adult you trust.
Your parents, an older sibling, a teacher, a pastor, someone like that, whoever you feel is appropriate.
You need support from an adult who will be there IRL, to sit with you in police stations, to help you get your facts together, to protect YOUR interests. Reporting this to social services seems like a great idea, but not without adult support.
If I call them and they try to help Anna’s family, Hannah will know it was me that called because so far, I’m the only one she’s told. But, I don’t understand why Hannah isn’t willing to call or tell somebody. It seems to me that she doesn’t understand that if someone of authority knows of this, then Anna won’t be okay. Hannah thinks that her friend will be fine if it’s just swept underneath the carpet. I’m going to my guidance counselor first thing tomorrow morning.