My gf's parents won't let her talk to her friend who has a less than admirable job

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here’s the problem:
My girlfriend is 17 years old (as am I) and she has a friend who is 19 years old who she has known for many many years.

Her friend is a very kind person. I’ve met her several times before and I would be surprised to hear if she ever broke the law, insulted anyone, or in any other way intentionally hurt anyone.

Her friend has just recently decided to become a stripper.

My girlfriend’s parents now won’t let her meet or talk to her friend anymore.

I might understand it if my girlfriend was much younger, but she’s 17 years old.

Now here’s the issue:

My girlfriend’s parents own a video store which she works at. The store makes a great deal of money from renting out pornographic videos. I have asked her in the past why they rent pornography out, and found out that if they did not they would not be able to remain open. It’s that much of their income.
My girlfriend has worked at the store since she was young and has been handling pornography since she started working there.

Here’s their parent’s official rationalization for the decision:
The store would loose business if it was known that their daughter was friends with a stripper.
Is it right for my girlfriend’s parents to ban her from knowing her friend who has chosen a job as a stripper under the rationalization that it would hurt their business (which puts my girlfriend in the place of selling pornography)?

2

Is it even legal for a 17 year old to be handling X-rated material?

3

yes, it is legal. I think as long as there is a note or something by one’s parents saying it’s for them (btw from what I’ve heard this never happens) someone as young as 16 can rent porno. It’s just not legal for them to view it until they’re 18.

4

Based on what you have said, your gf’s parents seem like hypocritical assholes. That being said, your gf is a minor, lives under their roof and is in their employ. When she is over 18, living on her own and totally supporting herself, she can see who ever the fuck she wants.

Haj

5

I do realize they can keep her from seeing her friend or anyone else for whatever reason.

What I’m trying to decide is whether or not their decision based upon their reason is right.

6

Is there really a forum this fits into? Closest I could find is MPSIMS.

And any ideas are welcome. What should I do? My girlfriend doesn’t have too many friends in her town because of where she lives and simply because there aren’t many people our age around.

7

I think there’s a big difference between renting out pornos and hanging out with a stripper. Ask any 16 year old boy. Hell, ask any boy, of any age.

The parents have a legitimate concern. I’m liberal as hell, I like going to strip clubs, I’ve had strippers for neighbors, and, having owned a few Harleys, I think I know the type of people who work and hang out at strip clubs. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Their outlook on life, particularly regarding sexuality, is different than other peoples. Even people who rent pornos.

The parents are concerned about their (underage) daughter getting involved with people like that. They should be, and so should you.

They might use the excuse that they would lose business, but it’s probably just rationalization. The real reason may have religious undertones, or be based on some sort of past experience. It could just be discomfort with sexuality in general, despite the video rentals. Their god may be money, you know? Whatever, you should respect their desires for now, and it wouldn’t hurt to avoid the sex-trade lifestyle in the future, too.

Why is this such a big problem for you? You wouldn’t have any motivation towards having your girlfriend hang out with a stripper, would you? Is your concern is so altruistic?

8

No Danalan, I am NOT saying “oh, one of my girlfriend’s friends is a stripper SWEET!”

My girlfriend’s friend is a very nice person. I have met her, she isn’t someone who always talks about sex, her customers, or anything like that.

And the reason I am so disturbed by all of this is because my girlfriend doesn’t really have any other friends besides this one person.

I think that’s enough reason for my interest in the issue.

9

clayton_e: I think your girlfriend’s parents need to pull their heads out of a position I had hitherto thought anatomically impossible. If they were very religious AND not engaged indirectly in the porno business, I could see their viewpoint. But to condemn a stripper when you are making money off porn (some of which is a helluva lot worse than a girl taking off her clothes – trust your elders on this) is pure hypocrisy.

10

What Peyote Coyote said.

11

Ok, now that I know that the general consensus is that her parents are not correct: What should I do?

My own belief is that something has to change. I believe that my girlfriend should be allowed to meet with and talk to her friend.

Now how do I go about doing this without hurting the relationship I have with her parents (which, as of now is very good, however we do remain at a distance).

12

Well, hon.

I am a pretty honorable person. I don’t cheat, steal, lie, hurt anyone if I can help it or realize it. I apologize if I mess up. I take responsibility for my actions. I care about people and I give what I can to those who need help. I’m not perfect, and I know it. But I try.

Having said that, and I said that because I expect to get my head handed to me on a platter…

Your girlfriend is an adult. Her parents obviously love her, and I appreciate what they are trying to do. Danalan has a good point.

If your GF’s friend expects your GF to hang out with her friends, they are all correct. She needs to stay away from all those people who might be bad news. However, it IS possible to be friends with someone who doesn’t necessarily have all the same values you do.

I don’t think she should cut her friend out of her life. JMHO. There are things they can do that have NOTHING to do with the friend’s job. Have lunch, visit the park, take a walk, go shopping, go to the Zoo. Do crafts, giggle a lot, gaze at the stars, muse about how you can become a better person, drink tea together…

I think your GF’s parents are wrong.

If I were your GF, I would not lie about seeing my friend. I would stay mute, not deny seeing her but not say I wouldn’t…and I would do all those innocuous things that I mentioned above with her.

If it turns out that she is an evil influence, I imagine that your GF will have enough wisdom to know that and to distance herself from it. I imagine this because I have a lot of respect for YOU, and I don’t think you would have a GF who was an idiot.

OTOH, if for some reason you are involved with an airhead (for whatever reason) who MIGHT be influenced into wrong things, then I think her parents are correct and you should try to keep her away from the bad influences.

Not much help, am I?

13

Oh, and honey…your GF is going to have to make her own decision as to what to do with her parents. It shouldn’t damage your relationship with them if you just support her position.

“GF makes her own decisions…I care about her, and I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe and make her happy. If I EVER see that she is putting herself in danger, I will step in and try to convince her to change her decisions. I appreciate that you are trying to keep her safe, but I have faith in her ability to do that for herself. And I will attempt to help her do so.”

As for her parents, I also think that they are hypocrites. IMHO

14

Thanks Scotticher,
My girlfriend has a good head on he shoulders, she’ll make the right decision. She does love doing all of those things, talking with her friend, going for walks, shopping. I just hate to see it when she’s not allowed to have fun and do things on her own as a person. I hate to see her overworked for less than minimum wage, tired, sad. This just was the last straw for me. I really can’t stand to see her parents take away her friends and make her work. It’s just really tough.

15

Just a minor point here, but as far as the “kind of people” who become strippers… I know a woman who worked in a strip club for years, and an associate has met several through research for a documentary film.

Stripping does not necessarily mean they necessarily have unusual points of view about sexuality or get into hooking. Some do get into it for the wrong reasons and those are the ones who can fall though the cracks and end up lving more “unsavory” lifestyles, so to speak. However, many treat it quite simply as a business and remain impartial and impersonal about it.

One stripper met through the documentary, has invested every cent (and at one point made approximately $2000-$3000 + a week!). She retired at the age of 55 and has lives in a luxury condo, and has a lifestyle that most doctors, lawyers and dentists would envy. She raised two daughters and put them through college. Stripping allowed her to be actively involved with her children during the day, since she worked late into the evening, and gave her finances that certainly set her well off.

My friend who worked as a waitress in a strip club also made about $1500 a week without ever taking to the stage. She paid off her student loan very quickly, invested her money in camera equipment and was able to open her own photography studio (and no, she never did “smut” photos) and was able to become a successful business woman without ever falling into debt or needing to rely on small business loans.

Let’s just be clear that “stripping” is performance. It makes money off of fantasy and doesn’t have to be degrading. It’s not the same thing as prostitution. A woman who can keep her head on straight and maintain a strict business sense about putting her body on display, can do very, very well.

On the other hand, it can be a world populated with really unsavory characters and people who try to exploit the “talent” and pressure them into prostitution. Drugs are common (but believe me, the drug use in the entertainment industries of art and film is just as common). Younger women who start stripping out of desperation (rather than with a well thought out business plan) can end up lving a pretty tough lifestyle, and can fall into drugs and prostitution.

Clayton Your GF’s parents have a point in that (warning: generalization ahead) most people do not recognize that there is a difference between “stripping” and “hooking.” A lot of people think that the girls in strip clubs are essentially the ones that you see on porn videos. It’s also reasonable for them to worry that your GF could be exposed to some unscrupulous individuals through her stripper friend.

Ultimately, their decision should be based on the stripper friend. If she is a decent girl, with a good head on her shoulders who has a good, well thought out, long term plan, then your girlfriend’s parents (presumably they’ve known this girl for a long time too) should take that into account. If you GF’s friend is a bit of a flake, that’s a different story.

16

My girlfriend’s friend is a very smart and nice person. She will be going into the army at the end of this year to help pay for college. I might understand it if she was one of those people who really was into drugs and a lifestyle of sex for money, but she really is a nice person who does not mix her personal and business life.

17

Clayton, from what you’ve described it seems the parents are being unreasonable. Of course, I may not have all the facts and neither may you. My best advice is that you should not take sides on this issue or any other dividing someone from their parents. It’s your girlfriend’s decision to make and all you should tell her is that you’ll support her either way.