And my only thought was that it was the most inconvienant timing possible, as I"m in enough emotional turmoil being a week aawy from graduating high school. Then I went downstairs and spent an hour working out on my punching bag until my knuckles bled.
I’m going out to dinner tonight with my spanish class. The funerals Friday.
Am I a bad person for this reaction?
To clarify, it wasn’t a sudden death. She’s 90. Been sick for a long time.
It’s a normal reaction. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Your mind will process your feelings…all in good time.
Sorry for your loss.
It’s normal to have that sort of reaction to an expected passing, I believe. My grandfather had been diagnosed with fairly advanced cancer two years ago, and when I got the call that he was going downhill fast, I thought about two very mundane, if not selfish, things. One was that I was glad that the inevitable was happening before my brother had to ship out to Fort Hood and then Iraq. (My grandfather died about a week before my brother had to report.) Second was that I hoped this happened before my scheduled business trip to San Francisco, because I didn’t think I could get out of it.
My grandmother hasn’t been dealing well with the loss of my grandfather, and she fell and broke her hip on Memorial Day. She’s doing well after surgery to put a rod in her leg, but faces weeks of rehab. I know that hip fractures can be fatal in elderly women, especially those who are depressed anyway (i.e., aren’t exactly fighting to recover). I do feel rather shitty for thinking that I hope she doesn’t die right before I go on vacation in two weeks, because honestly, I don’t know that I’d cancel the vac.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. It seems like a pretty normal reaction to me. My father passed away unexpectedly and one thing I thought at the time was “Oh crap, why now?” Take all of Friday off from school if you possibly can. You need and deserve the rest.
Oddly enough, my grandmother passed away this morning as well. My reaction was pretty much the same as yours. I’ve got a lot going on, and I was kind of pissed off that now I have to deal with her death. I’ve now moved on to more “normal” feelings about it, but I completely understand where you’re coming from, NinjaChick. Don’t beat yourself up about it, and I’m sorry for your loss.
To echo those who posted before me; it seemes to me to be a normal reaction - I wouldn’t feel bad because of it. My condolences go out to you and to lightingtool.
NinjaChick and lightingtool, first of all I am so sorry to learn of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your families. Second, don’t beat yourselves up over the mixed feelings. It’s tough when life throws an unexpected curve and you have to rearrange stuff. In the end, you both know honoring and remembering your respective grandmothers takes precedent right now.
My father died in April after a long bout of Alzheimer’s plus other health problems. As much as it hurt to see him go, I felt a huge sense of relief because all of the years of trips home during accidents, illnesses and hospitalizations were over. I also knew that he was finally at peace after years of illness so that was good too. I felt the strains of hassles as you both felt because I had to arrange stuff at work and home to be at the hospital those last few days and to deal with arrangements for a funeral, getting relatives into town and all that stuff. All those emotions were thrown in with feelings of grief and loss. It’s all a part of being human. It’s natural. It doesn’t mean the two of you loved your grandmothers any less.
I wish both of you peace.
Everyone experiences death differently. I can sympathize with the way you are feeling. Two weeks ago I had a dear friend pass away. I talked to her 3 days before she passed. She was so excited about going to Vegas. I wanted to go with her and our friends, but I got too busy towards the time. When I found out, I was very angry. Just totally pissed off. She left behind a 5 year old little girl and I thought how unfair it was for her to grow up with her mother. It still makes me really angry thinking about it.