Does anybody know if there is such a thing as Pomegranate Diet 7up? I think I’ve heard it mentioned but can’t recall where!
This one is originally from Nooner and he tells it better.
How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Change the lightbulb! Are you crazy, have you seen how high it is? Do you want your poor mother to fall down, break her back, is what you want? And you never call, and you never come visit, and the lightbulb is burnt and your poor mother here, sitting in the dark because you can’t ever be bothered to come visit and I can’t believe this, I raised you better than this! Change the lightbulb, he says!
Told this one before (you’re supposed to make gestures and voices representing the animals, but I think they’re evident enough):
the little bigmouth frog lived in a pond in Africa, do you know where Africa is? Well, that’s where the little bigmouth frog lived, in Africa, in a pond. The little bigmouth frog was a child bigmouth frog, therefore he went to school with other little bigmouth frogs. One day, the teacher gave them some homework: each of the little bigmouth frogs had to write a report on the other animals who used their pond.
Our little bigmouth frog, being more of an adventurous type than the other little bigmouth frogs, figured that he’d rather go and poll some of the other animals than look things up on froggypedia, so off he went.
Boing, boing boing, off went the little bigmouth frog. Soon the little bigmouth frog came upon some large animals: he adressed one of the smallest.
“HELLO! I’M A LITTLE BIGMOUTH FROG! WHO ARE YOU?”
The animal looked down at the voice between her forelegs and, very politely, said “I’m a little gazelle, pleased to meet you.”
“CHARMED I’M SURE! DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS? IT’S FOR MY HOMEWORK!”
“Go ahead, please.”
“OK, FIRST QUESTION, DO YOU LIVE IN A GROUP OR BY YOURSELF?”
“I live with my herd, we always travel in herds.”
“THANK YOU! HOW OFTEN DO YOU COME TO THE POND?”
“Usually twice a day, at dawn and dusk.”
“THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO YOU EAT?”
“We eat grass and tender tree branches.”
“THANK YOU VERY MUCH! HAVE A NICE DAY, LITTLE GAZELLE!”
“You too, little bigmouth frog.”
And he went on, meeting other animals, and asking them questions, and he found out that the hippopotamus never left the pond and ate grass, and that the lion went to the pond once or twice a day and ate gazelles, and then the little bigmouth frog came upon another animal, and the little bigmouth frog said:
“HELLO! I’M A LITTLE BIGMOUTH FROG! WHO ARE YOU?”
The animal looked down at the voice between his legs and smirked “I’m a crane, well, hello there.”
“CHARMED I’M SURE! DO YOU MIND IF I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS? IT’S FOR MY HOMEWORK!”
“Oh, go ahead, darling.”
“OK, FIRST QUESTION, DO YOU LIVE IN A GROUP OR BY YOURSELF?”
“I’m currently living on my own, but when we travel we do it in groups.”
“THANK YOU! HOW OFTEN DO YOU COME TO THE POND?”
“Once a year, to spend the winter.”
“THANK YOU! AND WHAT DO YOU EAT?”
“Little. Bigmouth. Frogs.”
“oh really?”
