Fergit the first paragraph - it’s the one with you alone with the doggie that has me worried. 
Who’s going to design the little platypus combat suits? They’ll need them, complete with pockets for poison spur ointment, beak polish, platypus rations, and a video game system.
They should be fashionable, too, because you don’t want your combat platypi feeling ugly. Bad for morale.
RTF, you are such a perv!! So, wanna meet for lunch or something??
Yes, yes I do hate that word and thank you for asking, no one has ever been so kind as to ask before. They simply use it along with 14 other such words and phrases, callously tossing their language into my ear without the slightest thought until there is literally* blood pouring out of said ear and then they casually walk away to interface with the other drones. Your kindness brought a tear to my eye.
And why has no one spoken of a catapult. Yes, it’s been done, but it’s simple, effective and can toss a cow. I would think a catapult would do the trick. Thoughts?
*yes, literally, …blood effusing from the aural orifice dripping down my neck and ruining my best shirt. Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration. It wasn’t actually my best shirt. I have a few others that I like better, like my black gauzy one that really brings out the red in my hair and contrasts so nicely with my alabaster skin.
Catapults are so overdone. So middle ages. Why don’t we just throw rocks? :rolleyes: Sheesh, how can we progress as a people if some of us insist on clinging to outdated technology? Listen, Salem, if you can’t be a team-player, maybe we’ll be rethinking your future here at Amalgamated Consummated Technologies. I’ll have my girl call your girl. We can meet and discuss.
Ooh, ooh, I’ve always wanted to have someone’s girl call my girl. Oh wait, I have daughters, I guess that’s been done, too. But this would be different. Can we do lunch? I’m sure I can wrangle some of the leftover peanut butter and fluff away from the dog. In the meantime, I’m busily thinking of new ideas, FCM, and though it hurts, I’m willing to endure for the team.
Hey, waitaminute, Salem! FCM asked me to lunch first!!
But you can join us, if you wear that “black gauzy [shirt] that really brings out the red in my hair and contrasts so nicely with my alabaster skin.”
Yum. 
FCM, darn right I’m a perv - and proud of it, too!!
So, when should we do lunch?
Not to distract from Salem and her alabaster skin, but did you notice my Autobiography thread has three spin-off threads? That has to be a record of some kind. (Toot! Toot! Yeah, that was my own horn.) There’s this one (that needs no link because you’re already here), welby’s better life thread and haardvark’s “accidental” thread. Pretty derned cool.
And the handyguy is showing up Monday morning to put in the new handrails.
-Rue. (toot, toot)
When, RTF?? Well, are you buying? Otherwise, I need to adjust my budget to accommodate an extra meal out… awww, who the heck am I kidding. Whenever you want. Unless Rue shows up. Then all bets are off. I’d cancel surgery to have lunch with Rue. I’d reschedule my dental appointment to have lunch with Rue. I’d tell Harrison Ford himself that I was busy if it meant I could have lunch with Rue!! So if you can pick a Rue-free time that I’m available, I’ll let ya have lunch with me. And only because you’re the first Doper I ever met. So we’ve got history. And because I like lunch. yeah, and I kinda like you too…
Excuse me, Rue, but I do believe we were discussing my alabaster skin and you are in fact distracting from it and my skin does not appreciate it. I mean it’s not like you started this thread to discuss handrails on your house or anything. I mean if that were the case, I could understand your not wanting to be distracted and all. Now if you don’t mind, I believe I’m having lunch with Fairy Chat Mom and that man with the most exquisite taste in blouses and skin, RTFirefly. (And yes, RT,and I hope you don’t mind my using such a familiar term, your wife, I’m sure, is perfectly welcome to join us, although I don’t mean to speak for FCM as she seems quite adept at speaking for herself and I don’t even see any little hole in the back of her from which I could work the mouth anyway :D)
I think that she asked Exgineer to launch first.
And on an entirely different topic, I used to ride the water taxis all the time, usually from Harborplace to Fells Point. Only problem was you had to take the damned regular taxis back after the bars closed. I love water taxis. And trains. Trains are good, also.
No, my mouth is operated completely remotely, hands-free, occasionally out of control. All part of my charm, you know. Further you should know that I’ll have lunch with just about anyone. Even if they don’t treat.
So, Salem, if I have my teenage girl call yours, what’s the likelihood that either of us will get an accurate message? Yeah, pretty much what I think too. Can’t trust them girls sometimes, I swear!!
Can’t trust engineers either. I should know.
I can’t believe you’re talking about your teenage daughters being call girls. That’s just wrong! How are you going to be alone in the house with the doggie if your teenage call girl is coming home with a sailor* all the time?
I took the water taxis back and forth across the harbor in Antigua. It was fabulous. Much rather pay $5 EC for a water taxi than $50 EC for a cab. And the cab drivers drank, where the worst the water taxis could do was sink.
As far as catapults, those are totally inappropriate. What you need is a Platypult.
*Sailor, water taxi captain, whatever.
That hurts. That hurts a lot.
Are you siding with the enemy now? Have you become a sympathizer? Are you in bed with the… I’m having trouble saying it… the ACCOUNTANTS?
I’m devastated.
If you think you can stick a jaunty little beret on those little flat heads and make it stay there, you have a job.
I’m not even going to address the blatant self-congratulation from a certain poster. (Note the punctuation and spacing.)
I didn’t even get invited to lunch. I don’t know why I try.
Um, actually, no. Last person I was in bed with was an engineer. And a Water Taxi Captain. And my husband. No wonder it was so crowded in the V-berth!!
Well, lunch was to chastize Salem for, um, something… it was hours ago - I can’t remember. No matter. You’re sooooo beyond lunch. You’re definitely a dinner invitation. In a place with paper napkins, of course, because we know that engineers always wind up drawing stuff on the napkins at dinner. It’s inevitable. So we’ll do dinner. Pick me up at 6 and don’t be late. I get headaches when I’m hungry and then I get grouchy and you don’t want to deal with that. Even the platypusses run away when I’m grouchy. And wear a carnation so I’ll recognize you. And clothes, too - not just a carnation. That would be so wrong.
Cool.
I have a genuine dinner invitation from FairyChatMom. You other suckers have to settle for lunch. I get dinner, you guys get lunch. I win.
Well, swampbear already has the dinner thing locked up, but I figure he’s good company to be in.
Of course, FairyChatMom may just be being clever, because she knows that we’ll probably never be within (: checking big map on wall : ) three inches of each other. She also figures that I don’t know what in heck a carnation looks like, and she’s right.
I can understand the lack of meal-sharing invitations from most of you because I’m way, way far away from you.
Salem, on the other hand, is in Massachusetts. That’s right next door, for crying out loud. I’m not buying the “Salem, MA is all the way out on the coast” argument, either.
I’ll just sit here in Smallbany, thank you very much.
Nope, the whiny act still don’t work.
They needed money so they put her on the street,
everything was going fine 'til the day she met me
I’m dyin’ here.
Yeah, Rue, ya bum, you think this thread’s about you or something? Cheez, how clueless.
If Salem’s red hair and alabaster skin (especially when semi-covered with a gauzy black shirt) aren’t more important than - what? a handrail and a coupla spinoff threads? - you just don’t have your priorities straight. Which is fine with me!
Yeah, yeah, I know. Rue this, Rue that. Rue walks on water, Rue invented sliced bread. I can see that I’m doomed to eternally play second fiddle in your heart.
Well now, that’s more like it!
So you’re paying?
Me? Paying? Darlin’, I pay every day of my sad, pathetic life… Woe is me… Woe is me…
Is it Friday yet?
How in the hell did this thread get off track so fast? Where are the MRLP’s?
You people are pathetic, all kissing up to FCM just becasue she’s witty and cool, leaving poor suckers like Exgineer in the dust. Though not totally in the dust becasue he’s got dinner coming to him, Rue’s schedule accommodating of course.
And I do have to chime in against the horn-tooting Rue. Tooting is bad manners, especially when done in public. Doesn’t matter how proud of your toots you are, some things just aren’t Jake.
Not hardly. I’m sucking up to her because we’ll be neighbors, more or less, in another year, and who knows what sort of devastating dama…err, pranks…an engineer could play on you if you got on their bad side! :eek: