I’ll have you know that I’m not a prankster. Far be it from me to stoop to such a plebian exercise. A life well-lived is the best revenge, etc etc.
Besides, engineers make so much money we can afford to hire flunkies to pull pranks for us. 
We do? We can?
I must be doing something wrong.
Sucking up to FCM, are we? Well, why wasn’t I let in on it? I’m always the last to know. Being female (meaning me, and well, of course, her, too), are there different rules? We were sending errant messages through our teenage daughters and I thought that was just fine. Oh and having punishing lunches, but then I got bumped for an exgineer for dinner, which, of course I fully understand.
And speaking of exgineers, while you’ve correctly and quite cleverly, I might add, or maybe I won’t, surmised the State of my being, I’m actually even closer than the coast, being in the middle part of said state. They don’t allow the coast here in the middle of the state, much to my dismay.
And speaking of moats, I think that’s just what Rue needs to go with his handrails. It will make his platypus very happy. And we all know that when the platypus is happy, everyone’s happy.
It’s easy to get berets to stay on platypi. All you need is duct tape, of course. And to avoid the poison spurs when you’re attaching the little hats, because sometimes they get annoyed.
No one’s invited me to lunch or dinner. Sniff. Nobody likes me. And I wear low-cut shirts and everything!
Are they loose? Willya lean over occasionally so I can sneak a better peek? Sure, you can join us! 
Low cut shirts, eh Lissla? Are they gauzy? If so, I officially invite you to lunch, dinner, or breakfast at the time of your choice. I’ll even buy.
[Note: Value menu may apply.]
A moat! * A STROKE OF GENIUS!!* Salem, that was inspired. I am properly impressed. I’m also getting bored with all this lunch/dinner nonsense, so I’ll tell ya what - this Saturday is my daughter’s Prom night. She’ll be gone and I’ll have the house to myself (yeah, and the stupid doggie). So c’mon over and we can order in pizza and crack open a bottle of wine and watch something trashy on TV. I like the way you think.
Handrails? Platypus launches? Punishing lunches? Geez, miss a coupla days and it’s all over. I’m completely outta the loop. I don’t even know where to begin with all this.
Cept to say, I’ve been working with some people to secure some funds to make modifications to their homes to make their homes more accessible. In the past few weeks, people have had handrails and ramps installed, had bathrooms and kitchens modified so they can get around in them, had audible alarms installed and other kinds of stuff. Even had a lady cry because she was so happy that she could use her bathroom by herself for the first time in years. Sometimes I like my job. This is one of those times. Heck, I guess it’s little enough to ask out of life to be able to use the bathroom or get in and out of your house by yourself.
And, yes, I do get to have dinner with FairyChatMom in two weeks now! BTW, FCM look for an email in the next couple days, cause I guess we need to get some of the details worked out. She’s even gonna let me pay. Generous to a fault she is!
I could really do without a platypus being launched at me. Besides, I already have a Beanie Baby [sup]TM[/sup] platypus. He was a gift from an ex and his name is Herman. The platypus, that is. The ex is named Jim.
Now, I get to go schmooze with potential funding sources for the next two days. I got all dressed up and everything. In a new suit and all. It’s houndstooth and looks good on me. Tomorrow I schmooze in a dark blue suit. It coulda been black, gray, olive, or tan, but I choose to schmooze in houndstooth and dark blue this time.
Have fun all.
-Swampbear
gone a’schmoozing.
swampbear, given your occupation, you might be interested in an invention that I read about in the paper last week. It’s a single-lever mechanism that locks both brakes on a folding wheelchair, helpful to people who don’t have use of both arms and thus can’t lock both wheels. I couldn’t get the article to come up online, but here’s a site that mentions it: Friend’s woe leads Kentucky man to invent wheelchair brake. You have to scroll down.
From a couple days ago, regarding the eye patch:
Q: Why couldn’t the young pirate get into the movie?
A: Because it was rated “Arrrrrrr!”
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel shoved down in his pants. The bartender asks, “do you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?”
“Aye,” he replies, “and it’s driving me nuts!”
<ba domp bomp>
You think you got it bad Swampy? I can’t keep up and my name’s on the thing. Of course I’m all busy with my real estate wheeling and dealing, so I have an excuse. Not that I’d make excuses and possibly de-rail a thread. Nope, I stick right to the topic. Mostly because the topic needs a good washing and it’s a little tacky. Not like blue socks with a brown suit tacky, just a little sticky. Like that.
What were we talking about? Dinner? You know the Little Woman and I invited my folks over for dinner once. We made some pasta alfredo. It was some really good stuff. Only it didn’t have any meat in it. Dad’s of the opinion that if it doesn’t have meat, it ain’t a meal. So he asks us “Is this it?” “Yeah,” we say. “But where’s the meat?” he asks. Mom rolled her eyes at him.
So we made him a platypus sandwich.
True story.
-Rue. (wheeler dealer)
Just chiming in to find out if there is a class to learn how to write in “Rue-Style”. I feel like grade school kid trying to keep up with the seniors.
N
Just get addicted to Uncle Rue like the rest of us, Nausicaa and pretty soon you’ll fall victim to fragmentitis. It’s not really an official disease. I just made that up. Not that it couldn’t be a real disease, like say, bronchitis or your other garden-variety itises. Work “Jake” into as many posts as possible, too. Then you’ll be Jake with Rue. He likes everyone to be Jake. Including perhaps Jake himself. (Do we have one registered? If so, it’ll be hell on him in vanity searches.)
That is all.
-Ellen. (Answering for Rue)
Wow, Ellen, did he got all ventriloquistic on you? Instead of speaking in Tongues, you’re speaking in Rue? Or maybe all this time, you’re the genius behind the man? Wait - then would that mean I’m your #1 Special Friend? I’m confused. Who have I been sending the silk boxers to?
No, wait, I mean, the greeting cards. I send greeting cards. I wouldn’t send boxers, especially not to a married man with kidlets and all. People would talk. And the next thing you know, they’re repossessing my platypus. And then where would we be??
Band name!
A lesson in “Rue-Style” (Rue-Speak? Rue-ism? Rue-ination?) for my pal Nausicaa:
I feel like a grade school kid trying to keep up with the seniors. Not like they’re walking all that fast and my little legs can’t keep up. 'Cause I got good legs. They’re Jake legs. You should see 'em sometime. I can walk and walk and walk, real fast sometimes if I really want to. So it’s not like that. I’m just not sure if I got the lingo down. But I’m trying.
See? Like that. Simple. (And what Ellen Cherry said. She’s real smart. You should listen to her. ("-Ellen." It brought a tear to my eye. Nice parenthetical aside too.) Oh yeah, no points off for bad spelling, but stay away from the semi-colon. Semi-colons are NOT Jake.
-Rue. (trying to teach ya something)
Well I know my legs are Jake - it’s my feet that ain’t Jake. You guys are tap dancing and I’m doing the funky chicken!
(Not there yet but working on it.)
As a sig line, it’s a gift of the gods.
Of course, all disciples I’d manage to attract would immediately disperse once I attribued it to Rue.
Hmmph.
I walk away for a few hours, and what do I get? Rampant silliness, that’s what I get.
With one lonely platypus reference. It’s discouraging.
Of course, we should all take our cues from Ellen*, cause she’s the Rue expert. He and Shibb** tried to kidnap her once.
True story.
The moat now. The moat has potential. The moat not only has to be properly constructed (FCM and I can take care of that) but it also has to be populated with dangerous critters. We will most definitely need help with that.
Please keep in mind that we have a prior claim on the platypuses… uhm,… platypi…
Heck, the platypus, the other platypus, and any other platypus we can find. (I’m taking Rue’s advice here.)
Just don’t try to pass me a duck.
- Notice that? That makes me an “insider.”
** It may have been him and Zappo, I’m not sure. That was a while back, and I wasn’t paying real close attention. Where is Zap, by the way?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Exgineer *
**Just don’t try to pass me a duck. **Why a duck?
South-central Pennsylvania, I believe. He’s a reg at MAD gatherings.
I’ve been nursing a grudge all day regarding the semicolon slander, Rue; semicolons are a way of life for me. Give me a sentence and I’ll punctuate the hell out of it. I can’t get through the day without a good semicolon.
They’re so refreshing with a slice of lime.
Exgineer, baby, you’re in like Flynn. Totally Jake. Throw in a Thinksnow and you’ve got the whole debacle pretty much covered.
Trying out the new sig …