Did I ever mention that I’m an @$$hole?
Yep, it’s true. Try as I might, I still have “sphincter” written all over me when it comes to relationships. Sometimes, this minor flaw in my otherwise sterling character comes back to haunt me.
There’s this woman, call her Girl #1. She was my best friend, and my housemate. So naturally, I got drunk and slept with her. I knew this was the wrong thing to do; I told her as much. That didn’t go over so well. See, a long time before this, she had taken a bit more than a friendly liking to me. It just so happens that in addition to being an @$$hole, I’m also a little bit daft when it comes to understanding the opposite sex. But I sure know how to have sex with them, especially when it’s a really bad idea.
For almost a year I wasted my best friend’s time, trying to fall in love and failing miserably, then scheming hard to find some way, any way, to squeak out of this with our friendship intact. This wouldn’t have been as much of a problem if I could have kept the little German soldier at ease. Finally, last month, she figured out that I’m a loser and decided we should just be friends. Woohoo! Hat trick, I thought. We’re still friends, still hang out together, but sometimes I see a twinkle in her eye and I can’t help wondering just how bad I’ve hurt her.
One reason why I couldn’t commit to this wonderful, attractive, intelligent person is because I’m carrying a secret. There’s another woman, Girl #2. A friend. She, too, is a wonderful, attractive, intelligent person. Secretly, or perhaps not so secretly, I’ve loved this woman for a decade. She’s the one for me. She just hasn’t figured that out yet.
I ran into her by chance last year while vacationing in the Carribean with Girl #1 (pre-sexual). Even though I hadn’t seen her in five years, my heart did flips, and I stammered my way though greetings like a kid. I tried very carefully to conceal my feelings from everyone, but later I learned that it was blatantly obvious to Girl #1, and therefore probably obvious to Girl #2 as well. Our meeting was brief, and a little stiff. She did not return my calls.
Last night. The phone rings–a rare occurance around my place. It is Girl #2. She’s in town, and she had gone to great lengths to find me. Could I please come out for a drink? She really wants to see me before she leaves.
Well, I try not to burn the carpet on the way out the door. She’s just as gorgeous and engaging as ever, and the easy laugh still tinkles like a mountain brook. I’m looking good, she says. She thinks of me all the time. One drink turns to two, then five, then last call.
Would I please come back with her to where she’s staying? We have so much yet to talk about. Do rats have naked tails? I’ve even got the fare.
Nightcap. We stare deep into each other’s eyes across the table, giddy. She’s so happy to see me, she says. I have to come down to her island paradise to stay with her, as soon as possible. She’ll take a week off for me.
She’s sure I’ll get along great with her boyfriend.
So… that’s how Girl #1 felt. Could I trade this feeling in for an acid shower with extra Tabasco, please? I didn’t know that karma can be a rabid dog bent on rending the soul.
I suppose I should be counting my blessings. I’ve salvaged one endangered friendship from the jaws of romantic dalliance, and rekindled another friendship with one of the people I most admire.
Yip-the-hell-ee.
