Rilch,
As others have said, there is a lot of good advice in this thread. I understand that it’s a really hard time you are going through right now: been there, done that.
The fact is, you might as well face up to the idea that the relationship, if not resolved sooner than later, is going to to hell. You can bandage the hairline fractures here and there but a time will come where one of you has had enough. A lot of people get divorced and according to them, they didn’t see it coming. Consider this your wake up call.
I realize that posting here automatically puts you on the defensive. I realize that we don’t know the full story. I realize that you posted in anger, that despite what you have told us, that he is a swell guy and you love him.
I think, however, that the notion that marriage is all about “Love” is pretty much a fairy tale. Yes, love has a strong factor, but it’s not all there is. You have to roll up your sleeves and get to work at it, you know? I think you are realizing this and that’s a good thing.
There are two things that strike me about your posts:
a) Your relationship (again, only from what I have heard) strikes me as being very juvenial and self-centered on both sides. I get a strong sense of ME and MINE from both of you.
A lot of what you wrote I felt like I could have written it a few years ago: I married a guy who came from the rich side of town. I was much in your situation, if not worse. It killed me to see his parents taking trips around the world while mine constantly struggled. It was hard for me to deal with food brand requests, too. To me, it was all the same, you know?
In time we have come to realize that for a relationship to succeed, you simply must compromise. In the case of the maple syrup, I fail to see why you can’t use his. It’s bizzare that you’d have two bottles. It seems that one of you is being deliberatly difficult in this situation, for no reason what so ever. As for the ‘tricking’ with cheaper syrup, what exactly will this resolve? That’s not going to resolve anything in the long run. That, again, would just be a bandage. I’m not even going to get into the whole charging for pizza slices situation. Charging your spouse for a slice of pizza? The has got to be the heighth of immaturity.
b)It seems, from what I recall of this thread, that there is always an excuse for all the complaints. I realize that you feel backed into a corner, but that’s just how you are coming off. I am flumoxed that you are stating that even though you are bitchy, that it is equally his fault because he ‘takes it’. Talk about passing the buck. The other thing you have to realize is that you can only work on Rilch and not Mr. Rilch. Instead of expending the energy bitching at him, look to solve your problems. A therapist once told me that when couples resolve their individual problems, the marital problems tend to disapear.
In short, I just wanted to tell you that I really do understand what you are going through. It’s hard, hard work. I will also tell you that when you do works things out, it makes for a really wonderful marriage.
I wish the best for you both.
