We didn’t have a fight, he just wasn’t feeling good and wanted to sleep there. He does this occassionally and when I’ve asked him about it the next day, he says not to read anything into it, he just needed space, etc. to sleep. Granted, we do have a twin bed, but he doesn’t want a bigger one (I’ve asked him before) because he said he likes to cuddle up with me (once in awhile) at night.
I have a hard time when he isn’t in bed with me. I generally wake up throughout the night when he’s not there. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it really does (probably because of the whole stereotype thing of the husband sleeping on the couch after a fight.) I get up when I realize he’s not there and ask him if he wants to come to bed. Sometimes he will, but last night he didn’t.
He has said he used to hate when his previous long-time girlfriend would complain about him sleeping on the couch. That she didn’t “understand” that he needed space, so I try to not let it bother me too much, but it still does.
Is this a typical thing for guys to want to sleep alone?
I don’t know if it’s typical for men, but I know if my back is acting up or it’s terribly hot, I like to sleep alone. Sometimes I worry that my tossing will wake my husband. He also tends to drape himself all over me (a leg across my pelvis or legs, which kills my back also).
If he says he needs space to sleep alone now and again, so be it. I wouldn’t take it personally if everything else is OK between the two of you.
I can’t answer for guys, but I can tell you that I LOVE to sleep alone. I love to cuddle with my husband, but I fall asleep best if he’s still up fiddling on the computer or something. I don’t know why. Although, if he’s not in the house at all, I can’t sleep a wink. And when I went to Vegas last week alone, I slept terribly.
If you know that your husband did this with other SOs, then I would take it as just a normal quirk. Some people need more space than others, and I think (IMHO) that if you keep asking him to explain WHY he does it, he’s going to start doing it more…because he’ll be frustrated.
Y’know, I used to have a big problem with this, too. I remember the first time almost-Mr. Athena got up out of bed and went to sleep on his couch. We were at his apartment, and I laid in bed awake for hours thinking that I should just get up and leave. I was so incredibly angry & hurt. We talked about it the next day and he had no clue about how I felt - he really only did it because he was having trouble sleeping, and thought the change of scenery would do him good.
It doesn’t bother me anymore. I can’t put a finger on it, but I think that somewhere along the line I got used to it. Almost every guy I’ve been with does it occasionally. Guess it’s just a guy thing, since I rarely if ever want to sleep on the couch unless I’m mad at the guy.
If I were you, I’d just keep talking about it every time he does it. Maybe after repeated explainations of “I just couldn’t sleep” it’ll eventually get through to your subconscious that it really isn’t a big deal. I understand how you feel, though. I think women must just be wired to thing “BAD BAD BAD” when a guy chooses to sleep somewhere else.
I would go crazy if I had to sleep in a twin bed with my girlfriend. She likes to lay on top of me to go to sleep and I like to lay on the other side of the bed. I normally wate until she is asleep and then I move to the end of the bed and face the other direction. Also, I sleep on the couch every once in a while.
I sleep better alone, but I do like the body comfort of having someone there IF THEY AREN’T FREAKIN’ LAYING ALL OVER ME.
:ahem: [sub]sorry**
Hubby puts out 10,000 BTUs at night. I’m trying to think of a way to hook him up to the furnace in the winter to save us some money on our gas bills. That, plus I have the cats who must lay ON me. Suffice it to say I don’t wear much to bed; no sense in doing so since I’ll be sweating and taking it off anyway.
Oh, I’m sorry. What was the question?
Yeah, don’t read into it. Just accept it as one of his quirks and take advantage of being able to stretch out over the entire bed!
We have a VERY comfy couch. Two of them in the living room, in fact, and sometimes on evenings when we’re really beat, we’ll just sleep out there, one per couch. So sometimes when we actually make it to bed and I have one of my bouts +of insomnia, I’ll tap Mr. S, tell him I can’t sleep and I’m going to try “a change of venue.” This means I’m going out to the couch, for comfort and a change of scenery, and to keep from disturbing him, though he says my tossing and turning doesn’t bother him. Occasionally if his sleep is disturbed (although it’s rare – his ability to sleep is legendary) he’ll do the same.
Ah, the joys of sleeping in a twin-sized bed. For the love of all that’s holy, upgrade, upgrade! He may say he doesn’t want a larger bed, but I bet couch-time would decrease if you just went out and got one anyway.
It sounds like he just needed to sleep somewhere other than the bed to be comfortable. I don’t know if it’s “typical” but I know several happily married couples with separate bedrooms. That way, each person has their own space and an optimal sleeping environment. You mentioned that you’re worried about the stereotype of husband-sleeping-on-couch-after-fight. Maybe you’re also dealing with the sterotype of couples-must-always-sleep-together-or-something-is-wrong?
I, too, sleep better by myself. I don’t like to cuddle, I have a bad back (which means lots of tossing and turning,) and I don’t really like having someone else sleeping close to me. I bought a king-size bed when my boyfriend moved in so that we’d have plenty of space at night. However, he generally sleeps on the couch.
This has everything to do with his sleeping preferences and nothing to do with me. He prefers a colder sleeping environment, he often stays up late coding and doesn’t want to inadvertantly wake me and, as has been mentioned by others, sometimes he just sleeps better in a different environment. (I will add that he sometimes sleeps on the couch because I’m watching the Simpson’s or studying or reading. He doesn’t have to, he just does.)
My SO has been sleeping on the couch for the last few weeks but only because he has a broken arm and it’s more comfortable. Before his arm was broken he wouldn’t sleep on the couch unless we had a fight. (That’s only happened twice and it lasted for about an hour)
I wouldn’t read too much into it. If he says everything is ok and he just needed a little room, believe him and let it go. If he starts sleeping out there every single night and won’t tell you why and your sex life starts to slow down… then maybe you should worry.
While I have slept with a lady friend on a futon and even a twin sized bed, I prefer to sleep alone, or at opposite sides of the bed (full or better, preferably). Just more comfortable that way. Too old and set in my ways, I guess. No rejection of the lady intended.
BTW, Perpetual Blue, welcome to the boards. I see this is your first post (unless a purge reset your counter). Registered a while, then finally posted? Myself, I lurked before I signed up, hence the username.
Me, it really is pretty random. Usually there is nothing I like more than to spoon. But sometimes, something is just not right - too hot, too cold, too whatever, and I’ll hi-tail it to the couch.
About ten years ago, I met a woman at a party. We ended up hooking up at her place. About 5 A.M. I woke up in a cold sweat, completely uncomfortable (given how the relationship ended, it was probably a premonition :D). I went downstairs and sacked on her couch.
She thought I had pulled a guy move and bailed in the middle of the night. She was very surprised to find me downstairs later that morning. We ended up together for about four years.
Hey, we’ve got a king-size bed and it isn’t big enough…
Don’t get me wrong, I love my sweetie, but I want my space when I’m sleeping, and I don’t want her to touch me, as I can’t fall asleep if I’m in contact with another person.
We even have our own sets of blankets.
Don’t be hurt, but see if you can arrange some “snuggle time” next time he needs his space. Although I have to wonder why he doesn’t want a bigger bed.
As if there is need for more people to say the same thing, but both the better half and I occasionally sleep on the couch. He keeps later hours than I do, and for him, it’s usually when he ends up falling asleep on the couch while he’s reading or watching TV. I used to wake him up to get him to come in the bedroom, but he pointed that if he was sleeping on the couch, he would rather just stay sleeping where he is. Which makes perfect sense to me. Our couch is pretty comfortable.
I will sometimes go on the couch if I can’t sleep. I am one of those people who sometimes needs a change of venue in order to fall asleep. I can be tossing and turning for hours in bed, but will go to sleep within minutes of moving to a new location. When I lived alone, simply turning around in the bed was enough to do it – so my head would be where my feet usually are. I’ve stopped doing this now, because it seems rude to make someone else endure my feet up on the pillow next to his head. While we’re sleeping, I mean.
I sleep on the couch sometimes, too. Well, actually, I usually fall asleep on the couch every night. My husband keeps late hours (he’s a musician), and honestly, I have trouble falling asleep in our bed when he’s not there. Sleeping on the couch is snug, and makes me feel like I’m not alone. I usually get up & go to bed with him when he comes in.
But there are some nights when I’ve been in bed, and couldn’t sleep, and just got up and “changed venue,” as the others have said. That usually works for me.
Also, here in Michigan right now, it’s hot. Hot, hot, hot. And my central air is not working. Needs a new fuse. Anyway, as much as I love sleeping with my husband, it’s sometimes just too darn hot (my husband is like BunnyGirl’s–if we could hook them together, we could probably heat the whole state for the entire winter).
So no, Perpetual Blue, I don’t think it’s anything personal at all.
This is what I do too. In fact, I did this last night. Sometimes I just can’t get comfortable and changing positions or moving to the guest bedroom helps.
BTW, I believe what Ross did on Friends was called the “Hug and Roll.” First you hug. Then you roll.
Just a note on the OP: You mentioned your husband did this when he wasn’t feeling well. Speaking personally, if I get sick I really don’t like to be around other people. When I’m feeling diseased, I lock myself in my bedroom and groan menacingly at anyone trying to come in. I’m dying, godammit, leave me alone.
Second, I have to echo everyone else here. It’s okay to want to sleep alone, I know I do, and my love most definitely wants to. I have a queen size bed, but we still need the extra bed for him to sleep in or we would die from over-heating. We’re both like furnaces. My love once said “I’ll just stand you in front of the window and you can be the radiator”. Haha, very funny, loverboy.
