My husband's about to lose his job (long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I suppose this has become mundane and pointless since it is happening to so many others. He’s been working 12+ hours a day, usually 6 days a week (and this is not counting time spent on his laptop at home), since early November when this new boss came in. He’s also in a part-time MBA program. Whatever he does, it’s not good enough for this woman. (She came from one of the “Big 3” automakers, where things were “so much better” and she was able to be “so much harder” on her employees :rolleyes:) She chewed him out yesterday and asked him if he really wanted to be there–and he replied that he didn’t feel that he could work to her expectations. Big mistake. She sent him to HR.

He tells HR lady that he thinks he just said that he resigned without meaning to. HR lady said she wouldn’t accept his resignation like that and sent him home for the rest of the day and today to think about it. I called home in the afternoon expecting to reach my daughter and instead my husband tells me he’s going to quit his job. I’m pretty mad at this point and tell him he is out of his bloody mind. He doesn’t pay that much attention to the news; he has no idea just how horrible the job market is. He talked to HR at his old company, and they had one job for him, which he actually got a phone interview scheduled for, so that’s encouraging. But he’s looking online today, and there isn’t much else out there at all.

So now he’s got to beg and plead and find some way to work with this difficult lady who seems to think that harassment and abuse are the ways to get improved performance out of her employees (the problem is, she does seem to know her shit, so there’s not much chance of her going bye-bye.) I can see the temptation to just throw in the towel, since the increasing number of hours he is spending on pointless exercises for this woman is cutting into the quality of family life for us and our daughter. The fact of the matter is, though, that he makes twice as much money as I do. One mortgage payment would eat up one entire paycheck per month for me. And if I have to put our family on my company’s health insurance, that almost eats up the other one. We do have some savings, and in a regular economy, I would not be so worried, but some people are looking for jobs for over a year now. We’ll be starved out eventually.

It’s making me so sick, I think I’m going to throw up. If things go down the way I think they will, he won’t even be eligible for unemployment. I’ve always followed the advice to keep your job until you find a new one, and so has he. I’ve actually told him to start looking for a new job, but he just didn’t have time.

It seems there’s nothing I can do. I didn’t want him to take this job, but he felt he needed management experience to go with his MBA. Oh, and it’s only a mile away and he could walk to work. Well, that didn’t last long. He doesn’t even eat lunch anymore. He’s lost weight, but it doesn’t look good and healthy the way it should.

Sorry for the long rant. As you can see, mundane and pointless. The story of suburban America. It’s only a good life for as long as it lasts.

2

He didn’t quit so don’t let him cave in. Make her fire him and be sure the termination papers say exactly that and not that he decided to leave. In the mean time hope for the new job at which point your abused husband can leave the bitch to burn in the hell she reigns.

3

Trust me, I know how shitty it is to be broke and looking into the abyss, however…

Your husband works 6 days a week, 12 hours a day, and still works at home? And you expect him to “beg” and “plead” to keep this job.

It might be time to look into downsizing your lifestyle - no one ever went to their deathbed thinking “I wish I had spent more time at work…”

What kind of life do you think is reasonable for your husband to have?

4

I have no idea what your husband does, but looking at it objectively, and assuming she’s not a complete loon if she “knows her shit”, is her ire at your husband entirely misplaced or is he an under-performer relative to his peers? You really need to gauge the this aspect and if this is a scenario where he can make headway, or if it’s going to continue to be an impossible situation for him. Spending lots of time at this job does not always equal high performance, it’s often exactly the opposite.

If it’s the latter he might actaully be better off doing something else. If it’s the former he still needs to get his resume out.

5

Sorry to hear this is happening to yet another doper. :frowning:

You have the benefit of knowing this is coming, unlike so many other people for whom it is a surprise. Start cutting back now. Look into ways to start saving money, cancel the cable, etc. Start scanning the want ads on monster.com and craigslist for him and emailing the good ones to him so that he doesn’t have to take too much time searching to apply for new jobs. Most importantly don’t worry too much about it. Do what you can do and then don’t spend too much time fretting about it otherwise. Best of luck to you!

6

+1. And he’s in grad school. I think he should file a grievance with HR re this bitch. Could you find it in yourself to–I dunno–support him emotionally about this? What is he working this hard FOR? Sounds like he doesn’t have much family life as it is…

7

If I were you, I’d think seriously about calling the HR person, who seems to be on your side. Have a heart-to-heart talk with her, making it clear that your husband didn’t mean to quit, and make it clear how much your family needs the job. And then use whatever leverage you have over your husband to make him realize that he shouldn’t even be thinking of quitting a job in these economic conditions.

8

That’s basically what I’ve told him–DO NOT QUIT (unless you have another job)! He thinks it will get worse if he goes back, though.

I’ve asked him who she thinks would do everything she asks (they’ve got a hiring freeze, so no new blood) and he can’t think of anyone. The things his old boss rated him highly on, she rates him poorly on. However, I asked him if he could transfer to another department, and he says that she has told him that she will not let him go. If you hate an employee so much, why wouldn’t you jump at the chance to let him go somewhere else?

I hope his old company takes him back. I know his old boss misses him–I talk to him occasionally. In a good economy, he probably could have started right back up yesterday. However, in today’s mess, his old job just isn’t there right now. This other job sounds pretty good, though.

He is an engineering manager. He was an industrial engineer for ten years before that.

He brought this on himself. I did not ask him to take this job. I would love it if he got a more reasonable job–love it! I wanted him to look for a new job when all this shit started, but he thought it would look bad to be looking for a new job after less than a year. I’m just afraid that reasonable jobs are not out there right now.

9

HR people are never on the employee’s side. They are paid by and report to the company’s management. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking that HR is there to protect the employee.

10

True, but in this case the HR person seems to think that it’s in her employer’s interests to keep OP’s husband at his job. Otherwise she would have encouraged him to resign instead of having him think it over.

11

If I were your husband, I’d have the following approach:

  1. I wouldn’t quit my job. Cannot collect unemployment that way
  2. I’d look at my performance vs peers to make sure I’m at least on par with their level/quality of work
  3. Scale back and not work so many hours. If I’m working 72+ hours per week and that is not enough to satisfy my boss, then what is the point - especially if I’m performing level with my peers. I’ve found that people who work long hours are usually just more inefficient. Not always, but usually.

It’s no guarantee of anything - but at least if I lose my job, I’d get unemployment. In the mean time, I’ve improved my QoL by not working so much. The bitch boss can’t fire everyone, and its possible she may be using this tactic as a way to get rid of employees who can’t handle it. The natural reaction to this type of boss is to work harder and longer - but that may not be specifically what she’s trying to get out of her employees.

Remember, bitch boss is not compensated for every hour that her employees are working - she is compensated for attaining results.

12

Yeah pretty much this would be what I would suspect. If he’s is in her sights for whatever reason, and she’s not going anywhere it’s likely he soon will be.

13

Spouses calling their SO’s HR dept re work related matters on behalf of their wife or husband is generally seen as bad judgement and bad form in most cases.

14

But HR people are not on a particular manager’s side either - especially if there is the possibility that an improperly dismissed employee can sue.

To Tamex
Here are some suggestions.

First, your husband should look for a job without quitting. .Sometimes a boss is such an ass that it isn’t worth staying. I did this once, and it felt very good to resign. Especially when the guy asked me to stay.

Second, he should make sure he has copies of all formal performance reviews at home. Going from a high performer for years to a low performer with a new manager is good evidence the problem isn’t him. At worst the company may be willing to buy him off. He might want to see an attorney about his options.

Third, he should document his achievements and performance against goals. In a face to face, reading from a specific list is a lot more powerful than someone saying “he didn’t live up to my expectations.” If he doesn’t have documented expectations and goals he should get them under the guise of trying to live up to the expectations of the manager. It will buy some time at the least.

Fourth, does his company have a documented performance improvement plan? Lots do. I helped someone who worked for me through one, successfully. It often buys time and makes the situation visible to higher level managers. He shouldn’t suggest going onto one, but he should know the process.

Is this new boss from inside the company or from outside? If the latter, there may be others who think she’s an idiot - it is called culture clash. If this is the case he might find allies in her peer group. If he’s been there a while, and is a manager, he might know some people at her level, and might sound them out on how she is viewed. I assure you technical expertise is no guarantee of being a good second level manager! I did it temporarily once, and found I hated it. If they had forced me into the job I would have sucked at it - for reasons other than why this woman sucks at it.

Hope that helps. If there are layoffs at his company all bets are off, but at least he’d get insurance and maybe some severance pay. Good luck.

15

Yup; basically, you can’t unring a bell…

16

I think your husband has to talk to HR and possibly any approachable higher-ups at the company about the manager’s abusive style. If possible, this should be documented. If it’s company culture to harass and overwork their employees, then there’s not much that can be done. But if it’s come down to being fired or being a squeaky wheel, it sure wouldn’t hurt to request/demand an internal transfer.

17

Lord, I’m sorry this has come to thid Tamex. I remember you from the other thread about long work hours - this just sounds like such a shitty situation.

+1 on this:

If she’s not satisfied with the work he’s doing - well, fuck her. Work 40 hours a week, then go home. Then he will have time to look for another job. And who knows, if she discovers he can’t be bullied she may actually get more respect for him, ALSO he’ll undoubtedly be more productive per hour worked.

I hope this doesn’t sound too Pollyanna, and I know you’re stressed out of your mind, but this may end up being the best thing that could happen to you guys. Your current situation honestly sounds completely untenable - I think somebody would have ended up having a breakdown sooner or later. You’ve got savings, you’ve got time, you still have one income earner in the family. You can get through this.

18

Well, he’s been told not to show up at work until 7:30 tomorrow and to report directly to HR. I don’t think he’s going to get the chance to document or ask about anything.

If anything, I think she fits better into corporate culture than my husband does. He has only worked there ten months, and she’s been there since November. The guy who hired him liked him a lot, knew he didn’t have much experience as a manager, but thought he had potential. He later transferred to a new position and “the bitch” took his place. Before my husband took the job, he was warned by a friend who worked there for a few months what an awful place it was and how she had to quit because she was having medical/anxiety problems. Thing is, said friend has never held any job for very long that I know of–she eventually gets fed up with all the “stupid people” and quits. However, my husband can get along with just about anybody. At least, that’s what I thought. Couple of warning signs: a lady who interviewed him mentioned that their meetings get “unprofessional” at times. Also, he never found anyone to regularly eat lunch with. At his old company, he had friends and they played Magic: the Gathering at lunchtime. Playing games at lunchtime is Not Done where he works now. Also, nobody seems to stay in one place very long. Everyone he worked with was fairly new to the company or at least new to the area. One of his employees was an “oldtimer” but had recently been offered early retirement. Oh, and his company has “use it or lose it” vacation, and he was forced to lose several days because he tried to schedule them and “important meetings” always came up. Even the days he did use, he was on his laptop at home or his stupid pager was going off.

He showed me his list of achievements that he put on his application for the job at his old company. Now, it looked pretty impressive to me for ten months. I’m not sure what else was expected of him that he didn’t get done.

Yes, the company does have a personal improvement plan. My husband had to put one of his employees on one. HR lady told my husband that this employee had shown the biggest turnaround that she had ever seen and had thanked her for being put on the plan. My husband was also very impressed with his turnaround and improvement in attitude and work quality. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter. The employee will be laid off tomorrow. Maybe my husband was going to be laid off anyway, too, and “the bitch” just had to get her last digs in. Or maybe he’s going to be put on a plan, too, that doesn’t really mean anything.

I have told him in the past that working more hours doesn’t seem to be doing any good, but he says he doesn’t know what else to do. I think most of his day is taken up with useless meetings ala Dilbert. He confided to a coworker that the long hours were taking a toll on his personal life, and somehow the boss from hell found out about it. Heck, I’m paranoid that she’s reading this post.

I’m not going to talk to his HR. I don’t feel it’s my place. He has decided not to quit. He’s got a phone interview with his old company on Monday. Things will work out somehow.

19

Do you feel bad for him at all? I don’t get the sense from your posts that you understand how hard this situation is for your husband. His job sucks, his life sucks and where is his wife? Telling him “I told you so”? :eek:

It sounds to me like he tried to do as well as he could, given a difficult situation. Playing games at work would be nice, but is hardly common corporate culture. I hope he does well and gets another job. I hope you show some empathy for him. Toxic environments are hell–I’ve had to work in a few myself.

20

Yup, the documentation of his accomplishments and job description should have been done when the new boss came in, as well as a sit-down with performance goals clearly laid out. At the worst case, this should have been done at the first sign of her unhappiness with his work. If he’s not living up to her standards, he should know exactly in what way he’s not. I’ll be interested to hear what happens tomorrow.