The obvious solution would be to shampoo your face and shave your head.
One Saturday morning I decided to save a little money on barbers and shave my head myself. It looked pretty good from the front, but I couldn’t see the back. I figured I’d make a quick run down to the local CVS and buy a hand mirror so I could check.
Well, they were all out. So I took a train downtown to the mall. As I was feeling hungry, I went to a coffee shop. I made a new friend in line, and we sat together and chatted for about an hour. I then went off to a bookstore, did a little shopping there, then went to Walgreens. Since I was downtown, I did a little shopping at a few other stores. Then I remembered that I needed to stop at a sporting goods store. It was a beautiful day, so I took a long walk to it. Then I took the train home. I was pretty tired, so I took a little nap.
Come dinner time, I had no food in the house, so I went out for some pizza. While I was out, I decided to stop by a few more stores. I went home, watched a little TV, then went to bed.
The next morning when I woke up, I decided to look at my purchases of the previous day. Some books, exercise equipment, soap, no soap, radio, hand mirror.
Oh yeah, the hand mirror. I decided to see what a great job I did shaving the back of my head.
You can see where this is going, right?
Awesome simulpost!
One night I wake up because I am thirsty so I go to the kitchen and get a drink.
The next morning I wake up, get dressed and go to get some cereal. Put cereal in bowl and went to the fridge to get the milk except there was no milk. WTF? I know I bought milk just a few days ago. So I grumble and decide to pick something up on the way into work.
After work I stop by the store and get some milk and juice. I arrive home and feel like some juice so I open the cupboard to get a glass and there is the milk sitting proudly next to her glassmates.
Alarm goes off, I wake up, & so does my miniature dachshund. He needs to go potty first thing in the morning. I go to the hall, get his leash, call him, put it on him, and we go outside. While he’s doing his business I starting “Hmm, breezy”. Then I realize that I’m still naked :smack:. This happens more often in summer.
Oh, just yesterday I was stitting watching TV and one of the two wicks in my scented candle went out. I didn’t want to get up and get the lighter out of the kitchen. So I wondered how I could transfer the flame from the other wick. I took a tissue, rolled it up (kinda like a joint), and lit the pointy end. I tried to transfer it to the other wick. I wasn’t fast enough ended up with a flaming tissue. :o I paniced and threw it back into the candle. Then my smoke detector went off and I tried to remove the batter. While the paper was still burning. :eek: I stopped myself before I threw the flaming candle into the trash can and poored my glass of water (which was right next to the candle) into it.
So, anybody else have tales involving nudity and/or fire? 
I’ve locked my keys inside my car . . .
(wait for it . . . )
. . . in the ignition. WITH THE CAR STILL RUNNING.
That wasn’t one of my better dates.
Took a quick swig of aftershave instead of mouthwash. The bottles were of similar size but looked nothing alike. I realized my mistake quickly.
My version of not-coffee:
- Pour beans in grinder.
- Press button to start grinder.
- Turn around when grinder is done, discovering that I failed step 1a: place lid on top of grinder before pressing start.
Thank god a vacuum attachment cleans up ground coffee from the kitchen counter, stove, walls, etc.
My version of not-coffee:
- put water in coffee maker
- put filter in basket
- put beans in grinder
- grind beans
- put grinder back into cupboard
- turn on coffee maker
Apparently, in my plaid-sky universe, the ground beans are supposed to magically jump into the filter to, you know, make coffee.
My version of not-coffee
Fill machine with water.
Put grounds in the basket.
Put pot on the counter.
Turn on machine. (it’s the kind you can pull the pot out while brewing, so coffee didn’t start dripping out right away)
Come back later to find the basket overflowed and coffee all over the counter.
Also once, back when I was a smoker, took a drink from the soda can I was using for an ash tray in my car.
I remember still the day that I, a little girl of maybe 4, went pee-pee, stood up, took off my panties…
WHOOSH!
… and flushed them down the toilet.
I just recall staring at the panties at the critical moment of no return thinking, “Oh my God, what am I doing???”
I don’t know why…
I can neither confirm, nor deny, that when I was doing steam generator analysis for nuclear reactors I once or twice took the sample, and poured some into the analysis vessel, then dumped the analysis vessel out into the sink. Without testing, first.
Fortunately I can’t recall ever doing this to the radioactive coolant from the primary coolant samples.
My best boner is still the day I broke a Pyrex bowl at home.
Pyrex bowls do not work so well on the stove and not in the microwave. At least, mine didn’t. I have no idea why I did that, either.
Milk in the cupboard. Cereal in the fridge.
Not me, but my husband. He had an important Dr. appt that was worrying him (he’s fine) and I was supposed to meet him at the dr’s office, but I got hung up at work, so I tried to call him on his cell, no answer. Called several times, no answer. That night when I got home I found out that instead of picking up his cell phone he had picked up the receiver for the house phone and put it in his jacket. 
Ever bought a burger and then forgot to unwrap it before taking a bite?
I have a couple. I have horrible short term memory so I tend to forget where I put things sometimes, or absentmindedly misplace things around the house. One day I realize I can’t find my ATM card anywhere. I search all over for it tearing through the whole house. I finally cave and request a new card from my bank. I get the new card in the mail. The following week I go in the bathroom and look for a headband in the drawer under the sink, instead I find my ATM card, WTF.
Another one involves misplacing a ring. I was out to dinner for my friend’s birthday and had just gotten a new ring that I loved. I went to the bathroom before I left and upon returning to the table I realize my ring is gone! We search under the table at the restaurant, my friend and I go in the bathroom and empty the garbage thinking it fell in when I threw away the towel I dried my hands with! That was not fun. So finally I leave my name and number with the waiter in case he finds it. We go back to my friend’s house and it’s sitting on her bed, why I took it off and left it there I have no clue.
No, but now that I’m thinking about it I fully expect Bach’s Bluefeather Revenge to kick in momentarily.
Mine was a few years ago, on 2/14 (as the story will make clear). I was at work, looking online for a place to take my girlfriend at the time for Valentine’s Day. The way I answered my phone at the office was “Valuation”.
Well, the phone rang, and I was so preoccupied that I muffed all the syllables after the first one, and answered it “Valentine’s Day”. The person at the other end of the call was as confused as I was embarrassed.