This evening I went into the bath room to wash my hands. (I had just been up to the barn to retrieve a drop light, so I was dusty).
I turned the water on and wet my hands … as I absentmindedly glanced in the mirror I reached to put soap on … however as I looked down, to my amazement …
Instead of soap, I had squirted TOOTHPASTE into the palm of my hand. 
Y’all may make fun of me now.
:: pointing and laughing ::
At least it was toothpaste on your hands.
The other day I put moisturiser on my toothbrush. It was only when I started to brush my teeth that I realized my error.
And I can top you both!
Once as a teenager I was on a multi-day hiking trip with no shower facilities en route. My skin tended to be very greasy, so I had had the presence of mind to grab some individually wrapped moist towelettes to wipe my face off with from time to time.
After a long, hot hike I grabbed a towelette and carefully cleaned off my nose (you know how it is when you’re an adolescent - that’s major blackhead territory).
Oddly, my nose started to feel … not painful exactly … but stiff.
Cut to the chase: it was an individually wrapped package of shoe polish. I had just shined my nose.
Bleary-eyed one morning, with the lights dim (because I didn’t feel like blasting light into my eyes yet) and my glasses not on, I fumbled for my toothbrush and the toothpaste. Due to the lighting conditions I didn’t realize until beginning to brush that I’d accidentally applied orange-based facial cleanser, which comes in a tube. I can say at least that, a) I’m glad we didn’t own any orange-flavored toothpastes, because I probably wouldn’t have stopped right away, and b) their cleanser isn’t actually soap (the first ingredients include glycerin, olive oil, and orange oil) and didn’t taste bad.
Note to self: Make sure everything near the toothbrush is safe to eat.
I’m kinda amazed I haven’t done anything like this yet.
GT
Toothpaste?
Not KY?
You aren’t “batty enough” to qualify, yet.
At least you remembered to wash your hands. I have a habit of arriving in the bathroom and thinking ‘what did I come here for’?
I’m only 33. sob
I thouught I knew the end to that story and I was wrong! I was washing my hands and looked down and I was surprised to see my mom’s hands in the water!
I dated someone once who, one morning, found a bit of dropped cheese on her knee. She popped it into her mouth, and discovered that deodorant is not, actually, cheese.
Liquid soap dispensers are a given match for use on a toothbrush when distracted. I didn’t actually brush with it. I have removed anything that shouldn’t go in the mouth from the mirrored sink cabinet, because I get distracted, and don’t need to poison myself. No super glue and eye drops in the same drawer any longer.
Who picks up cheese they find and eats it anyway. Gross!
Just yesterday, I had an ice cream sandwich in one hand and my cell phone in the other. Guess which one I put to my ear when the phone rang?
the other morning I was making coffee… I was early and I wasn’t quite awake so I guess I skipped a few steps. I poured whole beans directly into my coffee cup, I didn’t realize my mistake till I was walking back to my computer!
On occasion while brushing my teeth, I have gone to spit and rinse…only to discover that my cat had just then taken up residence in the sink. I had to retreat to the kitchen to finish my ablutions.
I still get my hairbrush stuck in my hair on occasion. :smack:
A year or two ago I set out my bowl and the cat’s bowl, poured raisn bran in my bowl, and then opened a can of Mixed Grille and dumped it onto my raisin bran.
These are hilarious. Now I don’t feel so bad!
A lady who works in my building told me that one morning recently instead of putting hair gel in her hair, she absentmindedly rubbed it on her face. 
I’ve been distracted when I put the cats wet food in their dish, and absentmindedly licked the gravy off the spoon I used.
Mixed Grill is only eh. The sliced beef in gravy, that’s heaven.
I’ve poured orange juice on my cereal instead of milk more than once.
I forget to put water in the coffee pot before I turn it on at least once a month.
I walk into a room to get something or do something and forget what I’m there for. Fortunately, the bathroom hasn’t been one of the rooms, yet.
I’ve been tossing Beggin’ Strips™ to the dogs with one hand while I was feeding myself with the other. Those things taste nothing at all like bacon, at least not to me. In fact, they don’t have much taste at all. Makes me wonder about dogs’ taste buds.
Welcome to the club, NinetyWt.
After hunting high and low for my wallet last week, I finally found it. In the refrigerator.
I was staying in a B&B for the past few days. Monday, I poured myeslf a bowl of cereal. I then poured milk on it. For some reason the milk was dark, yet transparent. And steam was coming off of it. And it had a fresh-brewed mountain-grown roasted aroma.
Yeah, I still ate it. “I meant to do that”, and stuff.