Ok, I have round the clock home care because of medical issues. One of my full-time nurses whom I have known for years (she’s a good nurse & my age with similar interests) became a Jehovah’s Witness a couple of years ago. On top of that she’s a very by the book type, loves rules, everything is black & white, so she makes a perfect Witness.
For me, I’m a muslim with an open-minded approach in my childhood, by inclination lean towards theism/deism/agnosticism with muslim spiritual practice. So I’m not so by the rules because I don’t think it’s important.
Anyway, I’ve noticed lately she seems to be disturbed when in the course of a day I drop a “geez” “oh my God” “Jesus!” or whatever. It’s an old habit. I’m from New York & have a lot of Catholic relatives.
So I guess to her I’m taking the lord’s name in vain, but I think it’s kind of a compliment really & not at all in vain. In any case, it’s my verbal exclamation of choice. She hasn’t confronted me but she’s doing the nonconfrontational witness-y thing and saying things like, “hmm, you say that a lot.”
I guess I could try to cut it out although I’m bound to slip up. I don’t want to offend her (I also don’t want her quitting). On the other hand, it is my house and significant periods of time that we’re together. Any opinions? This is lame, no?
I have two answers. As your caregiver she is there to see to your health needs, not be your personal morality police. If you are being polite to her, but living your life in your home, she needs to suck it up.
Second answer is that, as I understand it, Jesus is viewed positively in your faith, so knock it off.
She’s in your home and she’s working for you. If she cannot check her personal issues at the door, then you are being poorly served and she needs to go. While I can imagine that it is difficult to find a good nurse, it is also difficult having to edit yourself in your own home because it offends someone who isn’t even a guest.
Her religion is her business (not yours) and as long as you don’t openly disparage her beliefs (another matter entirely) she needs to toughen up or find a client more in line with her beliefs.
You’ve got a point there Inna Minnit with Jesus in Islam. I guess I’ve never understood what is so negative about using phrases like that. I just don’t get how it’s “bad.” That said, I get that it offends people and I feel vaguely guilty about it.
Nevadaexile, she probably will move on soon enough even after years together, and that’s ok. Though it is a shame because it’s going to be difficult for her to find a job that fully fits her viewpoint. It’s awfully narrow.
And I hesitate to change my behavior much in my own home because where does it end? I’m already sticking with the euphemism or shortened version “geez” what else am I doing that bothers her? Tons of things believe me. I had an issue when I went through a Sopranos marathon of re-watching all seasons recently and that was just profanities playing on my tv. Now that I’m thinking about it, finding it off-putting being judged constantly though I know she can’t help it. I think she’s brainwashed.
I know she’s not actually proselytizing, but it’s my understanding that JWs have very strict rules about not doing that while on the clock (at another job), but if she pushes it, she’ll, at the very least, be getting into a grey area. I’d just ignore the comments and do whatever you want, I’d just pretend like you didn’t even hear them.
If you can’t ignore them, a very simple, matter of fact ‘yes, yes I do’ is all that you need to say. If she pushes it any further AND it makes you uncomfortable, I’d call the place at request someone new and say something along the lines of “She was telling me what was and was not acceptable to say in my own house due to her religion. [you might be able to just stop here] I said ‘geez’ or ‘oh my god’ a few times throughout the day…as most people do and she said [whatever she said] and that’s not going to make for a long term working relationship since I’m going to be uncomfortable wondering if everything I say is going to get me in trouble with her.”
You’ll probably need to explain that saying things like ‘geez’ or ‘oh my god’ is ALL you did to that caused her to have a problem and that you weren’t saying these things to/against her just mumbling them to yourself etc (and they weren’t even ‘religious’ in nature).
Also, never forget, when something like this is going on, there’s always the strong possibility you’re not the only person that feels this way, but the 3rd or 4th person that’s called to complain about it. Your call might be what the supervisor needs to go and tell her to knock it off.
Not trying to change your vocabulary here, just give you an insight. How would you feel if people were to use the name of your Prophet or your God as a curse word?
I remember a while ago someone said “Goddamn it!” and she insisted on saying that it meant the person was damning God. I said actually I think they’re asking God to damn “it” whatever the it problem was. Weird.
I’ll stick with her for now since she really is good and I’ve known her for years. She’s not at my home everyday and variety is the spice of life. Nobody is perfect.
I’m trying to balance being polite and respectful with not bending over completely to her increasingly rigid views. I bet things will blow up one day since my home is a regular powder keg of profanities and sins (in reality not so much).
It wouldn’t bother me. But that is NOT the normal answer for a muslim. It should bother me according to Islam. It would bother the muslims I know, a lot. They would never use the name of any prophet in the way I do, carelessly.
Strange to say, I was slightly offended in the past reading historical fiction novels (medieval) with all the “God’s teeth!” “S’blood!” etc. mostly because it’s weird for me to hear about God as some guy. Not bothered terribly though and I appreciate it was appropriate in the context.
As a Catholic child, I would’ve had my mouth washed out with soap for saying “Geez”. My sister did get her mouth washed out for saying the someone had “kicked the bucket”. We watched our language. Anyway, I wouldn’t be deliberately offensive, but if she can’t live within the rules of your household, she’s the one that has to go.
How long has she been your nurse? I’m assuming she’s been your nurse for a while now; why is she just lately seeming to be disturbed by something that’s not new behavior for you?
The OP said she only recently became a JW, so that probably explains newly heightened sensitivity.
Tough situation. While she is your employee, that kind of care can be very personal, so you want to have a pleasant relationship with your nurse. If you’re already compromising by saying geez instead of something stronger, I’m not sure what more one could reasonable expect.
He’s not compromising by saying geez, that’s one of the things she’s offended by, which surprised me (and I was raised Catholic), but StGermain say he couldn’t said that growing up either.
Don’t get me wrong, if you invite someone into your house I don’t think you should have to live up to their standards (it is your house) but I also think it doesn’t hurt to ‘clean up your act’ a little bit. IMO, that means you shouldn’t swear in every sentence, tell dirty jokes or in this case go out of your way to say things like “OH MY GOD…I dropped my pencil” just to offend them. But I also wouldn’t go out of my way to not say that, but then I don’t find it particularly offensive. Even when I was ‘catholic’, I didn’t find it offensive.
Also, don’t forget, as your employee, it behooves her to not make snide remarks at those comments. I can understand if you’re being overtly rude about it or if she literally can’t take it, but if you say it once or twice a day, she’s going to have to learn to suck it up or find a more religious person to work for that doesn’t say it at all because I think many people these days do. Also, I’m guessing if ‘geez’ bothers her “oh my gosh” probably does as well.
I think “Oh my God!” probably bothers her less because she worships Jehovah (to her God is a title of Jehovah). But I think I could avoid a lot of tension if I just drop using any of it, with the occasional slip up. I probably overdo it anyway though not intentionally with her. I do try to be considerate. I am kind of offended by the snide judgement thing and this could be avoided if I just stop saying it most of the time. I guess mission accomplished, for her
Also. I’d rather be straightforward & talk to her about it but she can be so weird about religion talk unless it’s just her saying stuff. If there’s any kind of back and forth, I think she assumes the “world” is tempting her through another person’s views.
Yep, you’ve got it. I like to think I’m not a total potty mouth! I’m a 36 year old woman & came of age in the “OMFG” age. I don’t say anything even approaching that. However, Inna Minnit called me out right since I am Muslim and in Islam it’s not ok to use any prophet’s name so carelessly or as a curse.
I guess. If you consider a couple of years ago to be “recently”. It just seemed like the OP was pointing out a difference between how long the nurse has been a JW and how long they have been being bothered by the OP’s language.
Sure. It sounded like she knew the nurse for a long time before the conversion, so the new attitude has been relatively recent. Made sense to me that the nurse’s frustrations have been building since her conversion.
Or maybe the OP has just been a bigger potty mouth lately
