My 18 year old little sister just got married this afternoon in a City Hall ceremony to her Marine boyfriend. They’ve known each other online for a couple of years, but have probably spent less than a month face-to-face. He’s a nice young man, liked by our parents and from a normal family. My parents have given them their blessing, because what are they gonna do kick her out of the house and never speak to her again? The new couple leave for his base in north carolina on Monday to start their married life miles and miles away from everyone and everything they know.
I spoke on the phone to my sister (I’m across the country) and told her that it was a stupid and irrational thing to do and I couldn’t be happier for her. She sounded just like a girl should on her wedding day: giddy and giggily. I figure that either the marriage will end in tears in 18 months, or they’ll have a solid marriage for 60 years.
But I have to admit I’m skeptical. I know that all across the world people marry young and it works out great. But it simply isn’t done in my family - we have certain ways of doing things I guess. When I married at 27 it was looked upon as a bit early. My parents both hold PhDs and my sister is a high school dropout and that alone was a huge shockwave through the family.
But more than that is how dreadfully unprepared she is for the realities of married life. She’s never had to pay a bill in her life. She’s had a job and been very responsable about that, but used her money for pocket change. I’m doubtful that she even knows that you get charged for water and garbage service, though I’m pretty sure she knows she’ll have to pay the rent each month.
The other thing that worries me is the compounding factor that she’s going to be a military wife. Not that I know much about it myself, bit I do know that it is an added layer of adjustment that she’ll be facing up to. And that many times new wives find the military hard to adjust to, even if they have more world and life experiences tham my little sister has. I mean this is the first time she’ll have spent more than a weekend out of our home town!
I guess I’m just venting here about my reaction to this all. I do honestly hope she’ll be happy and either way I’m sure she’ll both learn a lot and land on her feet. I just…just can’t help but feel…ugh, something about this whole thing. We all have to go off on our own at some point and 18 is when most kids go to college - but married. I mean you can transfer colleges pretty easily but divorce is just so ugly.
Give her your unconditional love, embrace your new brother (not your brother-in-law–he is true family, & the “in-law” part in a little cold & distant), bless their union, & pester them for nieces & nephews!
My congradulations to your sister! She must be beautiful. All new brides are!
If they live on base, she won’t have to worry about gas/water/electric or rent. Which isn’t really a good thing, if she’s never had to worry about it before, once they aren’t on base anymore.
Best of luck to them, though.
18, that IS a little young. (I’m 18 myself, and I love my boyfriend but would not get married this young). But good luck to her, and I hope she has a long and happy marriage.
Child bride checking in. We’ll be celebrating our 30th anniversary in December. Just wanted you to know that it actually does work out from time to time.
Best of luck to your sister! koee
::walks away singing “c’est la vie say the old folks, it goes to show you never can tell”::
Former child bride (well sort of. I was 20) checking in. We’ve been married nearly 5 years and it’s worked out great so far. Tell her I wish her luck and everything goes well.
Will and Ariel Durant, the historians, married when she was 15 and he was 26. On top of that he had been a teacher of hers. They were married for close to 70 years, IIRC.
I do wish them the absolute best - I hope that came through in my post, but here it is in black and white just in case. I love my sister no matter what and now I’ll love her husband too.
Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor the difference is, in regard to the second part of your quote, that many people (here in the US, and our family & friends anyway) when they marry have at least lived away from home before, if not for great lengths of time then for a bit - and done the learning that goes along with it while single and only responsible for answering to their own self. We are talking about a girl who’s mom did her laundry for her yesterday and put it away in her drawers for her and now she’s to be a wife and at least 50% in charge of managing a household? It simply feels like a big leap to take all at once and on top of the changes marriage often brings to a relationship plus the military thing.
angelicate, they are living off-base.
lokij, that bodes well. Makes me happy for them to know this is a good day to marry.
Everone else thanks for both the good wishes and the check-ins from the other “child brides”. It is reassuring. Oh and her husband is 18 also, so they’ll get the adventure of growing up together, which I’m sure can lead to a tremendously deep bond. Shared history is invaluable.
I got married when I was 17, almost 9 years ago. We have had our ups and downs, but we have been married a lot longer than quiet a few couples around us.
Married at 18 & will celebrate 40th anniversary next year. My sister married at 20 and is now about to be a great-grandmother because her daughter and granddaughter also started in young. She’s still married to the same guy. Oh, and did I mention that our mother married when she was 21? We have a wonderful 5-generation picture of my great grandfather, grandmother, mother, sister and neice.
OTOH, my father’s mother didn’t marry until she was almost 40. She never got to see her great-grandchildren.
You could have written this about me at age 19, right before I got married. My husband was a little worried about it, too, but we figured we’d work our way through it, and we did.
That was over 22 years ago, and we’re still happily married. Not only that, but I’ve been taking care of all the finances for the past 15 years or so, and we’re doing just fine.
Give your sister all the support you can and all the advice she asks for explicitly, and just hope for the best. It is possible to start that young and turn out just fine.
Confessed cradle-snatcher - my Hubby was 19 when we got hitched (I was 23) and his (divorced) parents were convinced it was the end of the world. Turns out, it was the best way for him to break away from their control. Now, 15 years later, Hubby has his Ph.D., is working in the field of his choice, and I’m pregnant for the first time; we finally decided we were ready for kids.
Wishing your sister all the best! It was very, very difficult for us, but sometimes youth (& naivete) has huge advantages.
Your story sounds exactly like my cousins. She got married at 19, he’s 22. (not even a year passed yet)
She knew him from internet for a couple of years, saw him face to face for a week here, then tied the knot in last december. He’s in the US army (she moved there with him)
They live off base, and she’s waiting to get her green card so she could go to school/have a job.
They’re supposed to be a match made in heaven…she always wanted to marry young to a true love.
But she’s 1/2 responsible 1/2 not. Couldn’t hold a job unless it’s complete stress free, didn’t study further after highschool. She went to a drawing schoold but dropped out after a few months.
This is so far off base from reality, and totally unproven and uncited, but I recall reading that young (>20) marriages had a slightly higher success rate than older marriages.
Learning to live is going to be hard no matter what you do. I doubt she’ll be any worse off being married than she would have been had she gone out on her own single. Probably better in fact, having the support and all.
My wife and I moved in together at 18, and I don’t know how else we’d have gotten by, given how many troubles there were having two incomes, I don’t think one would have been enough.
Anyway, best of luck to both of them, and FTR I dropped out of high school too. Now, six years later I’m almost done with my B.S. So it’s not the end of the world!
My wife and I were married at 20/19 (I being the older). Going to be two years in December. We bought a house last August (a few days over a year come to think of it) and have a six month old daughter.
Twiddle, you make it sound as if your sister has little to no clue of how to do anything for herself. ~frowns~ I’m a bit hesitant to say this, but does she?
You said your mother still does her laundry. This could be a really nice thing your mom did for her…if it’s not something that is done for her all the time.
I knew kids in college who didn’t know how to use an oven, a washer/dryer, or for goodness sake, even a microwave…because their parents had done everything for them.
IF this is the case with your sister, I can understand your concern. Otherwise, she might just be ok. 18 is a bit young to be married, but if she’s a reasonable smart and savvy person, she’ll do fine.
Twiddle, I too married a military man when I was 18. He was fresh out of AIT in the Army and heading for his first duty station in Mass. While his family had traveled extensively while he was growing up I had hardly ever been out of West Virginia. Many people didn’t think it would work, but 21 years later we’re still together and still happy. We have two beautiful daughters ages 20 and 15.
If it’s meant to be it will work. If not your sister will get over it and be happy again.
