My Love Life...An Announcement

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

I don’t think that Odieman was saying that he thinks people should never talk about their relationships at all. Of course we should share the good things in our lives. Just try to be aware that talking about it incessantly makes some people uncomfortable. Have a little sensitivity and remember that, while others are certainly happy for you, they might not want to be continually reminded of it. There are times to talk about how incredibly over-the-moon in love you are, but keep in mind that it is not always appropriate.

Serendipity, sweetie, don’t feel guilty about your thread. I only mentioned it because I had just posted to it and was using it as an example to show that I’m also not opposed to “announcement” threads. I also thought Scylla’s thread about his wife was amazingly beautiful and touching. Just because I find a lot of romantic stuff icky doesn’t mean I want to stamp it out, I’d just like to see it kept to those places where it fits rather than spilling out all over the place.

22

I’m trying to relate, but I just can’t.

Let me explain something - I am in a similar situation, only more so. I want to have children, I have always wanted children, and I want to have the whole experience from conceiving a child in love, through nursing, to adulthood and beyond. But, because of some bad mistakes that I made, I find myself 39, single, and even if I were to get married tomorrow, I might not ever become pregnant.

When I read threads about how happy or proud a poster is with his/her children, I get very unhappy, sometimes I will start crying. Even a casual mention is sometime enough to hurt.

I do not want other posters to stop talking about their children
This is a part of their lives, and friendship grows best when people are open with their lives. Placing constraints on what can be talked about binds the relationship.

Note that there are times when restraint is advisable - if a friend has just had a bad breakup, I wouldn’t talk about how wonderful my sweetie is in a personal conversation. But being a bit excessive when a new relationship or a new child comes along is human nature, and I won’t deny them that happiness just because it may not happen to me.

More importantly:
I am responsible for my own happiness
It is not the responsibility of other people to ensure my life is as pain-free as possible. Only when I take responsibility for ensuring my happiness will I be able to achieve it. Sometimes that means avoiding painful situations, sometimes that means changing things, and sometimes that means accepting that pain is a part of life. (The trick is, of course, knowing which path to take.) Granted, there are jerks who will try to deliberately hurt me, but even then, I have the final responsibility to find a way to stop their actions from hurting me.

23

Tomorrow is Good Friday , one of the holiest of days on the Christian calendar. It is also a time of rebirth and forgiveness. I have read the posts in this thread and I have talked with several people about them. I have come to the conclusion that my position is unjustified and I am guilty of overreacting. I did not mean to cause anyone discomfort and I did not aim to deny anyones happiness. I know that one of the things I look forward to when I read MPSIMS is the happiness and joy that people are having in their lives. I hereby apologize to anyone who I slighted or offended with this thread. I am sorry for any hurt or discomfort I caused anyone by starting this thread.

Wrong in Saskatchewan

Keith

24

sigh

I kind of have a vested personal interest in the topic of this thread. So here’s my input, FWIW.

I’ve been there. I flaunted (for lack of a better word) my Board-sparked relationship. I tried to keep it where it belonged, but I’m sure I often stepped on toes and annoyed people. shrug Oh well.

Sadly, it’s over. The wonderful abundance of love breaking out all over does make me sad. Yeah, it hurts. It makes me remember how wonderful it felt to step off that plane in San Jose 4 months ago and meet this person I had fallen so totally for, who I moved 3,000 miles to be with, only to have it crumble, leaving me here, 3,000 miles from everyone and everything I know. It makes me sad that things went so awry, and makes me wish like hell that it didn’t, and that I had that again.

But I see that as my problem. I open the threads that I know will have that kind of stuff in them because the people involved are people I care about. People I’m happy have found each other. Sure, I see them mentioning each other often in other threads, but that’s what people in love do–they share. It’s not always “pertinent” to a thread, and yeah, it hurts if you’ve had that and lost it, but part of being involved in a community is learning to accept the bumps and bruises that come along with interacting with other people.

That said, I don’t expect any of the burgeoning Board relationship people to contain their joy. I don’t want them to, either. I can empathize with the sentiments Odieman voiced, and the hurt that others may feel when they come across these things, but my hurt is just that, mine. I don’t want others to feel they need to tailor their enthusiasm on my account.

25

You know, I’ve been told by others that I am a compassionate, considerate and thoughtful poster here. I don’t catch every single one of them, but when I do see the threads asking for support, prayers, good wishes or advice, I always try to offer whatever I have to give.

And now you people are asking me to be understanding that you don’t want to read about it when I’m actually happy?

I should not only take into consideration your feelings when you’re down or hurt or jobless or have had a death in your family or an illness, but I have to be considerate of you not having a freaking love life, too? I shouldn’t mention mine because you don’t have one?

Oh that’s right. It’s ok to mention it, but just not too often. Tell me, who gets to be the official counter of what’s too often to mention Thomas’ name in a thread, or what threads it’s appropriate to mention him in?

Excuse me but [expletive omitted on purpose] you.

People who talk about their love lives are not being insensitive to those who don’t have one any more than people who talk about their kids are being insensitive to those who don’t have any, or people who talk about their jobs are being insensitive to those who don’t have one, etc. And I find it extraordinarily rude to say that I’m being insensitive just because you don’t happen to like it. No, I’m not being insensitive, you’re taking it that way, and that’s not my responsibility.

I’ve been participating in this discussion group for a year and a half. I’ve been alone and suffered my share of heartbreak and bad shit in my life over the course of that time. Yet through whatever else I was going through I have always been here to lend an ear, a hand, a hug, a warm wish, a happy thought or a prayer.

But now I’m being insensitive. I must be one selfish, thoughtless bitch to you people. How could I ever live with myself now that I know how many feelings I’ve hurt because I’m actually happy and thrilled to be able to say so.

Perhaps someone would like to take over the People Pages, because I’m certainly not considerate enough of any of you here with all that I do do for you already.

And please, spare me the “you’ve misunderstood, Shayna” crap. I get the message loud and clear, thankyouverymuch.

You may never know just how much this thread and some of the sentiments (or lack thereof) have hurt me. For all I’ve given this board, that you would try to steal my joy, absolutely breaks my heart.

And if you don’t like my sig, too bad, I’m putting it here anyway because I happen to feel like I need a little reminder of the fact that I’m loved at the moment.

Jeg elsker dig, Thomas

26

Thread closed by request of the OP.