Sorry for the sucker title, but I don’t have one. I am feeling that I am to quote someone from the boards “Destined to die horny and alone”. Wait don’t go…this isn’t a pity thread…not strictly…
I talk to a lot of people on the boards and I have had a couple of them come up to me in the past two days and they have said independantly that they are finding it hard to come onto the boards lately with all the happy couples on here. Like me they are at the point of giving up on their search. Yeah I can hear some of you saying"There is someone for everyone" , unfortunately the evidence is disagreeing with that conclusion.
The problem is that some of the excessive gushing is making some people uncomfortable and reluctant to come to the boards. Some things they see are opening old wounds and causing them pain…all I am asking for is a bit of consideration of others when you post to these threads. I am not denying anyone their happiness or the opportunity to talk about their happiness I just want you to think of others. The people I am happy for on the boards know that I am sincere in my happiness and I hope they don’t take this personally.
If you have something that you would like to say to me and you don’t feel this is the appropriate spot to talk about it you can email me…my address is in my profile.
I’d like to add my voice to the “Enough already!” camp. It doesn’t personally cause me pain, because I’m in a place where I’m genuinely content being single, but I do sympathize with those who are unhappy being in that situation because I’ve been there. There are a couple of people who immediately come to mind, who I won’t name, who seem to find it necessary to remind everyone at every possible opportunity that they are in a relationship. Yes, we know you’re with X, we GET IT. It’s great that you’re happy, really it is, but please give it a rest. After a while, it begins to look like you’re rubbing people’s noses in it–even if that is not your intent, that is how it comes across, and that’s not nice.
Dont take umbrance when I say that works both ways.
When those people who’s sensitivities are disturbed to the extend where they “feel uncomfortable” find someone I’ll be willing to lay odds they’ll wanna talk about it , I’ll lay odds you will cheer them on too. (as indeed you should)
Everyone has had it rough at one time or another and If you need to be wary of letting people you consider friends know about newfound happiness then its most unfortunate.
Be sensitive to peoples feelings by all means but perhaps those who have taken issue with the nature of some of the postings might find in them something to hope/look forward to ?
I for my part(as a v.frustrated non mush poster) promise to stop holding this here pistolet to peoples heads and forcing them read posts that make them uncomfortable.
I’d like to add that I don’t have a problem with threads specifically for the purpose of announcing the coupling of two people–heck, I just this morning posted to Serendipity and Simetra’s thread. Those threads I have the option to read or not as I choose.
What I object to is those few people who just have to bring up their SO’s name in almost every thread. Please, for the love of God, those of us who are paying attention know you’re together, and those who aren’t paying attention very likely don’t care, so stop it.
A public forum is just that – a public forum. One of the down sides (as some would say) of our freedom of speech is that things are often said which some will take umbrage to. Oh, well. C’est la vie. So sorry, Charley.
Those who are offended are asked to close the door as they leave. Either that, or continue lurking/posting while avoiding those threads which you find hurtful/thoughtful/accurate/gushy/whatever.
Trust me. We’re not gonna prop your eyelids open with toothpicks.
While I can agree that it’s occasionally less than thrilling to find this sort of thing imbedded in the middle of another thread, I don’t have any issues with it in it’s own thread.
Then again I don’t have any problem with the flirting threads or straight sexual innuendo threads either.
Sorry, while I can sympathize, and even empathize frequently, beyond not hijacking threads with declarations of love and happiness I don’t see that as a good enough reason not to post a thread.
This isn’t ment to be harsh, I consider it realistic and offer it as my unsolicited advice.
[ul][li]If your love life isn’t where you want it to be, change it.[]If you don’t know how to change it, ask. Not only are there some of the best scientific brains available on this board, there are some of the wisest hearts too.[]If you’re not willing to work to change it or you are happy where you are, don’t complain.None of this is simple, none of this is easy, but any of this is possible.[/ul][/li]
You can take that or leave it, as it’s worth just about what unsolicited advice is always worth.
I confess, I’m half of a couple…but when I read the Serendipity and Simetra thread, as well as feeling happy for them, part of my brain said “it must be something in the water, it’s too late for us, but run, save yourselves!” There does seem to be a lot of it (whatever it is ;)) about at the moment…maybe it’s just the timing that is upsetting people, who knows? I do know that I would have been jealous as all hell last year, but still happy for them. I guess everyone is different (yes I know, obligatory platitude…someone was bound to bring it up).
I just noticed Chief posted and I used a smiley…oh, well, I’m not gonna prop his eyes open with toothpicks either…and given the responses so far, I have a really bad feeling that this could degenerate into a pit thread really easily.
I don’t think I post about her everywhere…but equally, I’m not going to mope around the board pretending to be lonely/sorry for myself or not mention our relationship when it’s appropriate (such as here). dublos - not everything is possible and I, personally, would have found that attitude more offensive/off putting than people posting that they were happy.
I’m sorry if you found my attitude offensive, but I would certainly be happy to debate why any of the unsolicited advice I posted might not be possible for someone. Your statement that not everything is possible is certainly true, and I don’t believe I said that everything is possible, just the point’s preceding.
I very strongly believe that everyone has a right to be happy, and everyone can be happy, whether by themselves or with someone, and I have yet to find an instance where that did not hold true.
That is not intended to imply that everyone should be happy regardless of their circumstances, nor that circumstances are always under our personal control.
And if you feel that further conversation on this topic within this thread would be a hijack, feel free to start another or e-mail me.
This is so strange. I just finished reading Scylla’s thread where he wished his wife happy birthday. I’ve never read such a beautiful declaration of love and devotion. He’s actually inspired me to reach for new and better ways of showing how much I love my wife.
And now we have “The Bitterly Resentful Single” Thread? Seems odd.
Yes, I too was bitterly single for seven years before I met my wife. But she introduced me to a depth of love I’d never known, DESPITE the bitterness she saw written on my soul. And now I’m happier than I’ve ever been. The IRL world frowns upon shouting from rooftops, so I do my declarations here.
Does that offend you because you’re single and resent the fact? Do you really believe I should restrain myself and rein in my joyful exuberance just to spare you hurt feelings?
Tough.
Everyone here who’s feeling the rush of new love or the joy of lifelong love has put in their time where you are. None of us has had love just fall into our lap, we’ve struggled through the pain of lonliness.
And now us being happy hurts your feelings? Then I suggest you start building a bridge.
Okay, I thought long and hard about posting to this, but here goes.
I’m with Odie. And I think his point is getting lost a bit. If you start yer own thread for it, FINE! If I read it and get upset, I have no one but myself to blame. THAT is not the problem. The problem is when it spills over into 14 other threads. Geobabe put it really well:
And TRUST me, she is not bitterly single. So what can you come up with to discount her opinion?
I don’t think anyone here is asking people not to share their happiness. But I’m sure everyone will just throw me in the “get over it” camp. Fine. At this point, I honestly don’t give a damn. But if all of you have BEEN there, as you swearup and down you have, then maybe, just MAYBE you could understand how people like Odie and I feel. We’re asking for a little compassion, which I thought this board had. Perhaps I was wrong.
I know where you’re coming from, Odieman, but I have to say, I think it’s a nice contrast to all the down-threads in here. Heck, we have an entire forum devoted to negativity. If I’m not in the mood for a little happy shit (shit because it’s not my happy), then I just skip it or back out of it.
And sooner or later, you may be wanting to post some good news of your own in here. I certainly won’t hold it against you if you do (I’d actually enjoy hearing it!).
:eek: Thank you Chief, I hadn’t noticed my own double meaning there. If anyone reading along hadn’t guessed, I ment straight in terms of soley dedicated to, rather than straight in terms of sexual orientation.
Interestingly enough, I can’t think of any gay sexual innuendo threads off the top of my head. I can think of a few threads that included gay sexual innuendo’s, and enjoyed those about as much as the straight one’s.
Hey, Gay dopers, if you’re feeling left out, time to go start some.
[sub]gratuitously added smileys? What? You mean I shouldn’t have bothered to go look up the smiley’s I didn’t know about?[/sub]
I put this in so that the post would not turn into a pity party for me…I didn’t post this so that I could garner sympathy for myself.
The important word in this is excessive, I don’t have any problem with people mentioning their loves and gushing about them, nor do I have a problem with flirting and some of the other things that go on here. In fact, this whole thing only bother me slightly.
All I was asking for was a little compassion and consideration of others…I’m sorry if this has become misconstrued and seen to be just a bitter whiney rant by me…lord knows that wasn’t the intention, and I am sorry that I have started this thread and I am sorry for having it turn into what it has, but it is too late to do anything about it.
… but I have to say that after reading through this thread, I disagree with the OP.
Happy people - keep being happy, and tell the rest of us if you feel like it, within the Board’s guidelines of course.
I don’t want to live in a world where the happy people have to not display their happiness for fear of offending others. There’s enough sorrow on open display in the world. Even if I happen to be down, I’m in favor of public displays of affection toward SO’s, spouses, pets, and anyone else.
Odie, I talk to you frequently and I love you to death. You know this. But, IMOSHO, this forum is to talk about our lives. I can’t imagine logging onto SIMS to only see the depressing, the mundane and the silly. Granted, it’s all a part of this forum, and I read it all, but life is about the good parts, too. Or should be, one would hope.
I’ve commiserated with people here when they’re down, commented on their odd landlords/friends/lovers and cheered for their success. Damn whomever can’t be happy for me in return.
Again, there is no bitterness or vitriol aimed at you, Odie, this is just my opinion.
Ick. I’m officially feeling very guilty, and since I was specifically mentioned by two posters who I have a great deal of respect for, I feel as if I should add something. Honestly, when I started the birthday thread for Simetra, I didn’t stop to think how it would affect the board as a whole. I figured it would garner a few “there’s something in the water” comments – jeezoman, even I think it’s weird that so many people have been getting together lately – but I really didn’t imagine that anyone would be hurt by it. (Actually, there was one person who I was worried about, but Simetra and I discussed it beforehand and decided that it would probably be OK with them.) If I’ve upset or hurt or even slightly irked anyone with that thread, I’m truly sorry. The last thing I would want to do is cause any sort of pain to any of the amazing people here at the SDMB.
As for people who mention their beloved in every post… well, even though I enjoy seeing others so completely enraptured by their love, I can understand how some might get sick of it. There have been topics and posts in the past that have, as Odieman said, opened old wounds for me. The thing is, I don’t believe that people are constantly referring to being in love in order to hurt anyone who isn’t. That’s why I’m so glad you started this thread, Odie – I was (perhaps stupidly, I admit) unaware that people were really distraught over having to read post after post of gushy-romantic stuff. After reading this thread, I’m going to rethink any of my future posts that might contain an irrelevant and potentially hurtful allusion to my being smitten. Thank you, Odie, for bringing this to our attention.
(After rereading this post, I’m afraid that I might come off as sounding bitchy or sarcastic, so please please please understand that I’m being sincere in my appreciation for this thread.)
On one hand, causeing people pain is a bad thing. On the other hand, if happiness causes someone pain, I wonder at what would make them happy and if I should wish to cater to it.
I don’t see people saying that its great the have an SO and aren’t a loser like the single people in the world. I see people sharing their lives and their happiness, whether it be a new puppy, a new job, or an SO.
Life goes on. It hurts, it heals, it is wonderful in all its glory. Other people being happy does nothing to detract from your happiness. People delighting in the wonderful parts of humanity should be one of those good things. If we carefully cut out expressions of love in daily life, what is left to combat all the awful things people do?
Is it okay for people to post about sad things, losing a loved one, a job, a relationship, but not the gain of such? Does this apply to children? We’ve had threads about cute kids, that could hurt the feelings of people without kids, or whose kids have grown up past the little kid stage. What about pets?
I guess I just can’t see it. I share what I think about, what I feel is important, or even just what I feel like sharing. I like that others do the same.
I think this is a good example of the ‘love polution’ Odie refers too.
Jees, just because you are in a new relationship, you dont have to turn every thread around so its all about you! (generic YOU here, not Tygr specifically)
Some people will use ANY thread about ANYTHING to brag about how wonderously in love they are.
Well… um… thats *nice * and all, but, as in real life conversations, if all you can do is gab about yourself and your hot love life, its tiresome and boring to listen too. It is interesting only to you.
Its not that people arent happy for you, but if you must ‘cry it from the roof tops’ start your own thread so people who dont happen to be in the ‘loving groove’ arent smacked in the face with what they dont have.
I would liken it to going ON AND ON about how drunk you got, and how much fun you had and how WONDERFUL it was… in front of a recovering alcholic - there might be very lonely people around here who are pained by the ‘in your face- look at me- I am in love’ posts.
