Yesterday after work, I was at Toys-R-Us with the SIGO (SIGnificant Other) picking up some assorted doo-dads for care packages going overseas. I was in an aisle, when I looked, and said to myself, “Holy crap! I’ve never had my own Magic 8-Ball before! Man, wouldn’t that be cool to take to work! I could have so much fun with that “making decisions.” It’s sure to be the comic relief everyone’s looking for!”
So, I brought it in today and set it on my desk. A few people noticed it, asked what it was, and I showed them. One lady asked, “Alright Trip, will our TPS reports be signed on time this week?” – ”YES DEFINITELY” We all got a good chuckle.
Just after that, another fellow I work with came in and asked, “Hey! Is that a Magic 8-Ball? Let me ask a question! ‘Will my Congressional report come back from the Staff with no errors?” – ”OUTLOOK NOT SO GOOD”. Again, everyone gets a smirk and a laugh. . . I set the Magic 8-Ball back down on the desk and go back to work. I answered a few e-mails, read a few memos, typed up some more cover sheets until the phone rang: “Capt Trip, this is Joleen up front. Your TPS reports are back already with the boss’ signature. Oh, and Ray’s Congressional report also came back with a few corrections. . . would you mind picking both up and bringing them back?” :eek:
Amazed at the apparent coincidence, I looked over at the shiny plastic li’l globe and wondered just how cool this thing is. I head over to the division’s front office, pick up the stuff, and head back to my cubicle. Getting back into business, I was looking for numbers for a manpower study on another division. I place a call to our Manpower folks and talk to Jim. As the phone is ringing, I recline back in my comfy AssMaster 3000 chair, grab the Magic 8-Ball, and toss it back and forth between my hands. Jim answers and we start with the usual chit-chat. “. . . good to hear from you too! Hey, I was wondering if you guys had validated those manpower numbers just yet. We’ve got a deadline of this afternoon. . . Have you got them ready?” Out of curiosity, I glance at the little window – ”ASK AGAIN LATER”. “No, not yet Trip. But if you call back later, I’ll go talk to Doug over lunch and make sure we e-mail them to you.” :eek:
So I head to lunch and grab a salad to bring back to my desk. I start filling out spreadsheets for an incoming team when my boss comes e-mails me with a question, “Trip, what’s the status on Ray’s Congressional reports?” – ”BETTER NOT TELL YOU NOW”. I e-mail him back saying, “Sir, I don’t know. I’ll have Ray give you a call when he gets back in from lunch. . .”
I finish a working lunch and head over to a quick staff ‘git-together’, and am keen to grab the spherical marvel on my desk. The boss is there, Ray, myself, and a few others. There are some nitnoid questions, the boss asks about Ray’s package (which he indicates has “come back with changes to be made”), and then blindsides me with a question I don’t have much background on: “Trip, Denise was working on the A-13 package, and I know you were looking over her shoulder [sub]I hadn’t—she’s a ‘work hog’ and doesn’t share[/sub]. Do you think ‘K.I. Sawyer’ will be ready to execute the $2.6M project in 2008?” :glances down: – ”CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN” :eek: “Um, Sir, I’m really not too optimistic. . .” :glances again: ”DON’T COUNT ON IT” “. . . and to be honest, they’ve got way too much work to execute in ’07 anyway. I don’t see them getting to it.” “Fair enough, Trip. Ray, put a footnote in your Congressional report that they are pretty overloaded with work as it is; we can use that $2.6M to fund a few other projects. Also, does anyone have any info on expanding the manpower slots at Plattsburgh?” – ”CANNOT PREDICT NOW” “Um, no Sir, we’re going to have to wait until Denise gets back. . .” “Good point. Thanks, Trip”
The meeting breaks up, and Ray comes over to me and mentions, “Yeah, they do have way too much on their plate. I’ll make a note. . .”. I head back, and get back to work. About an hour later, my cubicle neighbor—Phil–pops up and asks, “Yo Trip, if I sneak this TPS report into the server a little late, do you think the front office will notice?” – ”MY REPLY IS NO”. “Naw, go for it man! They seemed a little busy up there today anyways. . .”
Sure enough, at 3:PM the front office sends out an e-mail with a list of deadlines: ’We’re still waiting on TPS reports from Judy, Zack, and Mike. Thanks to everyone else that got them in on time!’
I am so glad I have this newfound power. But I have to remember that I must use this power only for good.
Obviously, the Magic 8-Ball’s prowess is limited, and cannot tell me next week’s Lotto numbers—for if it could, I would surely win the next few PowerBalls and buy a Magic 8-Ball for every commander in the field: “Should we fund this boondoggle project?” – ”MY SOURCES SAY NO” “Will this bulldozer on board unbalance the C-17 cargo load for this mission?” – ”SIGNS POINT TO YES”. “If I cut the F-22, will I be able to save all of the other aging aircraft, buy new tankers, and keep the 14,000 Airmen we’re trying to ‘Force Shape’?” – “YES”
My God. We could have won the war by now. :smack:
Tripler
Names, bases, and titles of reports have been changed to protect the innocent.
